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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pursue a relationship with my boss?

124 replies

Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 18:21

I think he likes me. He's giving off somewhat obvious signals but I could be misreading them. I deeply like him. I'm 99% sure that he is single and I plan to move to to a different company within the next few months. AIBU to start subtly flirting and see where it goes?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 19:29

I am fairly inexperienced but really not that young. Him and I just get on so well! We have long, easy conversations and I'm constantly thinking about him

OP posts:
Sunshineandsparkle · 02/09/2020 19:31

I would... you only live once 👌

Lugubelenus · 02/09/2020 19:31

Make sure he is 100% single before you start flirting - and make sure you haven't misread his signals. Some men are naturally warm and friendly, some men are naturally flirtatious towards everyone, male and female, so tread carefully. You could end up making a massive twat of yourself.

LonginesPrime · 02/09/2020 19:34

He hasn't abused his position! He's never made me feel remotely uncomfortable

That's great, OP, but even if you're fine with it, you're actually putting him in a really difficult (and potentially disciplinary) situation. Even if it is all consensual.

There are a million things that could go wrong here. Just don't do it.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 02/09/2020 19:36

Bwhisky of course not !! This is MN ANY relationship with a male man is by definition 'abusive' ..

If I were you I would go for it .. being young gives you the right to take chances ! If it doesn't work or doesn't feel right then move on... but you never know.. I have been married to 'the boss' for 16 years..

ouch321 · 02/09/2020 19:38

"early twenties"
"Really not that young"

Hahahaha

willowmelangell · 02/09/2020 19:39

A huge amount of people meet future partners in the work place.
Just be absolutely sure he is single. Not all men wear a wedding ring.
And buy some condoms!

Original poster
Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 19:56

Haha he's definitely not married and I'm almost certain he's not in a relationship. He's amazing.

OP posts:
Moomin12345 · 02/09/2020 19:58

Awww. Obviously you've made up your mind already and who cares about being professional when you can fool around with a dreamy older man Grin

KitMarlowesCodpieceOfthigh · 02/09/2020 20:01

@Bwhistky

Not especially young, I'm in my early twenties. Our relationship is really informal but I would make sure not to be too obvious about my interest in case he's not interested in me
You really are quite young. I'm in my early 30s and I'm still 'quite' young!

I say go for it - after you've left. Then, there's no workplace romance issues and, if you've hideously misread the signals, you never need to see him again. It's a winner all-round!

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2020 20:02

Ever heard the expression "don't shit where you eat?"

Plus he's your boss and older. What's your relationship like with your father?

nokidshere · 02/09/2020 20:03

Goodness there are a lot of doom and gloom responses here.

DH was my boss when we met. He was single and 8yrs older than me. There was some subtle flirting going on when we met around the workplace and one day he left a note on my desk asking me out for a drink. We kept it quiet in the office (surprisingly easy to do if you want) and eventually got married. That was 40yrs ago.

It's just about being discrete and being able to keep your personal life separate from your work life.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2020 20:04

That was 40yrs ago.

No shit. Things have changed.

Feelinggoodtuesday · 02/09/2020 20:07

No. Don’t be daft.

Feelinggoodtuesday · 02/09/2020 20:09

@MrsTerryPratchett
I see you, straight in there with the daddy issues! I was thinking it Grin

nokidshere · 02/09/2020 20:09

No shit. Things have changed

No they really haven't. Hence keeping it quiet and discreet. You could still be sacked or moved from the location to another office if you had office romances back then.

The only difference now is that people don't know how to keep their public and personal lives separate.

No need for sarcasm.

Original poster
Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 20:10

@MrsTerryPratchett

Ever heard the expression "don't shit where you eat?"

Plus he's your boss and older. What's your relationship like with your father?

😆 relationship with my dad is great thanks
OP posts:
bluecoffeecups · 02/09/2020 20:15

@nokidshere

Goodness there are a lot of doom and gloom responses here.

DH was my boss when we met. He was single and 8yrs older than me. There was some subtle flirting going on when we met around the workplace and one day he left a note on my desk asking me out for a drink. We kept it quiet in the office (surprisingly easy to do if you want) and eventually got married. That was 40yrs ago.

It's just about being discrete and being able to keep your personal life separate from your work life.

We kept it quiet in the office (surprisingly easy to do if you want)

I don't think it's quite so easy these days. In fact I'd say almost impossible.

WizardOfAus · 02/09/2020 20:22

@MrsTerryPratchett

Grin
Divebar · 02/09/2020 20:22

Father issues? Did she say he’s 30? Hardly father issues

I probably would OP... your early 20s is perfect for an inappropriate entanglement with your boss. I’m not sure where you think it’s going though if you’re moving countries.

nokidshere · 02/09/2020 20:25

I don't think it's quite so easy these days. In fact I'd say almost impossible

How come? If you don't tell anyone how would they know? Even when we lived together no one knew for almost 3yrs.

It's not obligatory to play your whole life out on social media, it's just that it's become normal for many. There are a great many things about me that no-one knows because they don't need to.

tryingharder92 · 02/09/2020 20:28

@Divebar

Father issues? Did she say he’s 30? Hardly father issues

I probably would OP... your early 20s is perfect for an inappropriate entanglement with your boss. I’m not sure where you think it’s going though if you’re moving countries.

She's moving countries?
Gurtcha · 02/09/2020 20:28

Fuck me, if early 20s isn’t especially young then I’m veritably ancient in my late 30s Confused

TwilightPeace · 02/09/2020 20:30

Some really strange responses on here OP!

I’d say a bit of light flirting would do no harm, but wait until you leave before taking it further.

Leaving drinks is a good idea!

LonginesPrime · 02/09/2020 20:30

"No shit. Things have changed"

No they really haven't. Hence keeping it quiet and discreet. You could still be sacked or moved from the location to another office if you had office romances back then.

The only difference now is that people don't know how to keep their public and personal lives separate.

That's not the point though - things have changed because people are far more aware of privilege in all its forms and how power can be wielded over people intentionally and unintentionally. Not necessarily even in terms of the boss and the person they're sleeping with, but in terms of colleagues, clients, etc.

It's not as simple as keeping your private life private and these kinds of relationships can cause all sorts of huge issues for employers, even if the two people in the relationship are desperately happy and end up getting married.

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