To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

[Merriden]

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

• entitled to

Wow, OP, I am in awe of your resolve and decisiveness! Getting a locksmith all sorted and your brother lined up to store the cocklodger's stuff is an awesome evening's work and I take my hat off to you.

This Somewhere down the line I guess I’ve started to believe him really resonated with me. My abusive ex managed to make me believe that all our friends (most of whom were my friends before we met) hated me and it was only when he got pissed and started to verbally abuse me in front of other people that I realised that all the shite he told me about myself wasn't true. Sadly, I'd married the fucker and it took 5 years and lots of money to get rid of him.

Don't forget to start your CMS claim. His maintenance might well be more than he was paying you to live there!

Bit early to crack out the fizz, but I'm mentally celebrating for you.

Did you email him as intended? Does he know it's over?

Well done.

The fact he clearly had somewhere to stay last night means he has somewhere else he can go tonight.

You already know all this shit is to stop you taking the promotion. This man doesn't love you. In fact, he actively hates you

Op, Im sorry for what you're going through, but how refreshing to see an independent woman able to review her relationship and sharply end it. The strong position you are in and the actions you are taking are fantastic for your kids to see, I know it'll be hard readjusting and being a single mum but honestly there's a happier life out there for you and I have no doubt with your tenacity that you'll get it.

This thread is MN at its best. Women supporting women.

PP are right that is coercive control and it might be a good idea to talk to the police about how to staff safe from him.

Well done! You deserve better!

Well done! You've definitely done the right thing👏

DP made yet another threat that he will have our son and that if I go for maintenance he will quot his job so again, like so many have said, it’s probably just empty threats in an attempt to manipulate me

They all say the same shit. They know the threat of taking the kids will terrify the mother. In reality they don't want the kids full time.

If he quits his job then that's on him. In time all that does is show the kids what he's really like. They all grow up.
Hold your nerve OP, it's likely to get bumpy for a bit but it ends at some point.

Well done OP for getting rid of this toxic, abusive, waste of space. So glad you were in a position to act quickly once you decided to get rid of him. Your life will be so much better without his bullshit to deal with.

My Dad did this to DM (and eventually me) over the years. It's awful. Like a child holding their breath to force a tantrum and get their way. And he won every time, even if the argument was something like "Why aren't you coming to Confron's parents evening?" My DM stayed, but I live 6000 miles away knowing that she is stuck with him in friendless dementia. I've had therapy and forgiven him, but I hold no qualms about not having a loving relationship with him.

Another one cheering from the sidelines. Similar situation to you, one night he flounced off like he'd done oh so many times before as a way of keeping me in line, but this time something in me had changed. I recognised the house was calm. We weren't all trying to keep him happy and stave off a mood. I never saw him again. He tried every tactic, vile abuse, taunting, asking to reconcile, guilt, but this time I was done. It's the best. You may have a battle for a short while but use the resources there to help you. Non molestation orders for a start. Document his threats and abuse, this will go against him in any cafcass investigation if it comes to that. Do not engage. Imagine one day the police will go through your messages to him. Keep it businesslike and vent to friends irl. You've got this

In fact he actively hates you Yes! Isn't that a shocking realisation! The childcare/nursery stuff is active sabotage. This man hates you so much he would rather destroy his own easy life than let you have something good and positive.

Anyway, now to enjoy the fruits of your own labour without this parasite dragging you down.

Congratulations OP

Wow well done OP what you're doing is amazing!!
Just to add there's no way he'd ever get full custody so you'd be paying maintenance. No judge would remove a child from a loving, happy home and place them with that arsehole!

Really hope you're ok today

Amazing, well done OP!!!

Amazing. Well done OP. You deserve sooo much better. And better is a fun home with no stress and your dc. Please don’t listen to him and stay free.

Just wanted to say that you're doing the right thing. I was raised in a home where my dad used the silent treatment, and though I love him and like him now, I am so so glad that my mother split with him. It is a kind thing you're doing for your kids.

DP didn’t try to come home but he did call me from a different phone number and scream all kinds of abuse at me. I feel a bit upset but I guess this confirms I am making the right decision.

Yes, I rather think it does.

He is so fucking annoyed that you even dared to have made this decision' 😂 LOL which is what the barrage of abuse was for I guess. He liked the control .... the ignoring you & grinding you down. Also he had no respect for you treating you like that in YOUR own home.

What a tosspot.

You are well rid.

Congratulations OP for standing up to this vile man & his horrible behaviour

I'd say he has a personality disorder, emotionally abusive. I'd cut my losses, been there it's not worth the hassle it never gets any better. X

OP, I read all of your posts and you are amazing. I too laughed at the weight loss comment 😂.
Congrats on your promotion - what a wonderful achievement. You are inspirational and we are all cheering for you.

Well done OP. I bet you feel so much better this morning. If I had a £ for every post on MN where the ex partner threatens to go for “full custody”, I would be a very rich women. It’s all part of the same script that plays out with the same ending. He is an abuser that has realised you are on to him. Expect drama and threats and tears. You will always be fabulous and he will always be a twat.

Onwards and upwards, OP

I would let his number and all unknown numbers go to voicemail so you get a recording of his threats - he won't be able to help himself!

Are you dating a 16yr old because it sounds like it. What a pathetic man you're better than this

@Whitneylilyrose Yes, she is, and if you'd bothered to read more than the Op, you'd know she's kicked him out and changed the locks

Well done OP 👏🏻. Absolutely the right thing. We're all behind you!