To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

[Merriden]

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

Has anyone called him a cocklodger yet? For that surely is what he is!
Well done, OP, you've done the right thing.
As for him getting full custody of the children - he can jog on!!
Keep being awesome.

I just wanted to say well done, OP! If you have any evidence of him blocking or being vile with messages etc please keep this for the solicitor, it will all help if there's a custody battle x

Well done OP. Now that he is gone, make sure you update anything like tax credits or universal credit if you're entitled to it, as you might find you get a little more financial support.

Well done, onwards and upwards!!!

1000 votes for YNBU op!! Not one person can justify this arse holes behaviour. Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

Just a thought (sorry if it’s already been said), but what are your childcare arrangements for your shared child? Is there a chance he could turn up at nursery/childminder/school to collect? Although legally you can’t stop him (though if he barely parents they probably won’t know who he is and refuse to release the child) but you can put them on notice that you have separated and that he has made threats so they should contact you immediately if he turns up.

Just read through your posts OP, so glad you've kicked him out, please don't get sucked back in, what a horrible man

Well done Don't let him worm his way back in and block him on everything xx

Good work Op! You deserve far better x

What judge is going to give him custody when he has no home? He is full of shit.

ah I'm so pleased you're having the locks changed this morning, OP. It's genuinely put a smile on my face.

As he only contributes £140, I think you'll actually be better off because it seems pretty unlikely that he only costs you £140! So well done and enjoy your freedom from this abusive pig.

Full custody my arse. He can't even be bothered to look after your DS currently. And I'm sure you have endless examples of you having to take time off work because he's let you down etc so I don't see the court agreeing with him on any of that!

Good luck!

What a classic reaction of an abusive man. OP, if poss, let your calls go to VM and keep recordings of all of the abuse as evidence for the solicitor and police if needed. You need to show what an abusive a’hole this man is when it comes to custody etc. Get a ring door bell if you don’t already have one to show if he attempts to turn up and be abusive.

Communicate only through email or text and only regarding your child. Go grey rock and keep to the facts. Ignore all emotive rants and threats. Let the solicitor/police deal with that if necessary.

Congratulations on being so decisive and strong. You will be an inspiration to other women and someday will be giving sage advice to others!

I’ve been where you are now. It will get easier and when he finally realises you are serious and not taking him back, he will move on to the next victim.

As SpaceOP has said. He probably costs more than 140 quid a month so you will be no worse off. That probably only just covers the food he eats. Plus you will save money on council tax without him living there.

OP a massive well done!!!!

Things to think about..... Get your single person discount on your council tax applied for!

If you get phone calls from withelf numbers in future, try and record them if you have any means of doing so, any calls from him then record them if you can. Keep emails and texts from him.

It sounds like you are in a solid place financially, you own your own home, you work and are being promoted (absolutely well done on this) and it seems like he's never paid his way. With council tax discount and saving on food shop you'll probably be at least £140 down on bills so literally no loss there.

With your son in nursery 4 (soon to be 5) days a week he'd have a hard job showing he's the main care giver to justify why he shoiod have main custody so I wouldn't worry about that too much either.

Honestly I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you for doing it!!

I wouldn't even tell him he's going, just dump his stuff outside and change the locks, as someone else advised. Block him, he can talk via solicitors.

You can record phone calls while you're on the line to someone, my friend did this when she ended it with her abusive ex. I'd figure out how to do it and record his threats of full custody while in the same breath saying that he will quit his job so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. Screen shots of all texts and WhatsApp messages too, with the date, time and his number visible. I'd delete his name from your phonebook so it's only his number that comes up on the screen (can't say it's anyone else then). Just calmly collect the evidence that he's a prick and a shit dad, just in case.

Thrown his toys straight out the pram hasn't he, you're well rid OP.

@CigarsofthePharoahs

Congratulations on your promotion - and the 15 stone weight loss that has come with it! here's to a bright future free of a useless man!

And the extra cash!

He might have been "contributing" that figure, but I'll bet he was consuming twice that in food and energy costs.

Well done OP! You really have done the best thing. Keep strong.

DP made yet another threat that he will have our son and that if I go for maintenance he will quot his job so again, like so many have said, it’s probably just empty threats in an attempt to manipulate me.

Oh to have that in writing, they will look so favourably on him doing what he can to avoid paying.

Do get an appointment with a solicitor as soon as you can.

You are an amazing and strong woman, @Merriden!

I would regard his rantings and threats as a toddler tantrum - he is kicking off because you have said NO - so just ignore it until it stops. As other, much wiser MNers than me have said - he isn't going to go for custody - he can't even be bothered to look after his own child while you are at work, and he has nowhere to live and no money to get somewhere suitable. It is hot air and empty threats, and can be treated with utter disdain.

I think you need , and to celebrate your new life!

FYI re call recording. If you choose to do this, you must show evidence that you have told him you will be doing this otherwise it can't be used as evidence as it's seen as 'entrapment'

An email stating any further verbal communication will be recorded will suffice.

Well done OP! You and your kids will be so much happier without him.

Haven't read the full thread, and I'm sure others must have said the same thing but his behaviour is abusive. You are being mentally and emotionally abused. It won't get any better. You'd be better off alone. In effect, you already are alone because he does not do any parenting. Please believe that you deserve better than to be abused by someone who's supposed to love you.