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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

393 replies

Merriden · 02/09/2020 18:16

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

OP posts:
violetbunny · 03/09/2020 06:10

Well done!
Make sure you lodge a claim for child maintenance next. A freeloader like him is unlikely to pay up willingly, even for his own child...

LittleEsme · 03/09/2020 06:19

I hope you slept well OP and that this arse of a man stayed away.

sunlight81 · 03/09/2020 06:33

Well done OP!! Hope today goes well, u wit
Ok be in my thoughts!

billybagpuss · 03/09/2020 06:35

Did he come home last night?

Good luck today 💐

mummmy2017 · 03/09/2020 07:01

Why do men who don't even care for their child think they will be given the child by the courts?
Stand firm and warn your children care provider to NOT let anyone else collect your child. To call you immediately if anyone turns up .

madcatladyforever · 03/09/2020 07:05

Good for you. Ditch this creep. I cant believe he treats you like this while living in your house and not taking care of his own child. Ffs. I wouldn't put up with that.

frazzledasarock · 03/09/2020 07:17

Speak to a solicitor and get contact formalised and if child contact is not 50:50 then apply for CMS, and get it collected from his wages.

You may not need it but it’s your child’s right to be financially supported by both his parents. Keep the money in a separate account for your DC till he’s old enough to need money eg for driving lessons, uni living expenses etc.

Glad you’ve got rid of him. Congratulations on your promotion and new life.

ChikiTIKI · 03/09/2020 07:32

Good work on drawing the line under all this. Time to move on now! 👍🏻

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 03/09/2020 07:39

Well done OP for being so decisive !
Enjoy your new life with your DCs and a lovely atmosphere at home. It will make you so happy!

Did he pitch up before the locksmith? You do know he has no rights don't you ? If he refuses to leave - call the police. They will remove him.

Sparticuscaticus · 03/09/2020 07:41

I will also be arranging to see a solicitor to arrange contact with DS. I think DP may try to go for full custody, that’s always been his threat that he’d get full custody and I’d have to pay him maintenance.

He won't get full residency as

  1. You said he barely parents his child
  2. He had no home for DS to live with him at, he's just lost his home! It'll take ages for him to find somewhere big enough to live including a child with his debts. For £140 /month he won't even be able to afford a rented room in a shared house... not suitable for a child to stay at
  3. DS lives with his stepDCs and no court will break that up as they are as important as parents, so DS will be mostly resident with you. Once he realises he won't get maintenance not any child benefits /UC as not the resident parent, he won't pursue it
  4. He'll likely bluff and fluster but, keep bullet point detail of how he fails to patent including day to day stuff, and the big events, and how uncontactable he regularly is for any emergencies
skodadoda · 03/09/2020 07:42

Merriden please stay strong; get advice and support; don’t be intimidated by any threats he makes about DS, there’s no way he would get custody but if he wants access he’ll have to communicate 💐

Jpowe · 03/09/2020 07:49

Good luck today xx

CigarsofthePharoahs · 03/09/2020 07:53

Congratulations on your promotion - and the 15 stone weight loss that has come with it!
Grin
Wine here's to a bright future free of a useless man!

MotherofTerriers · 03/09/2020 07:53

Oh and don’t forget to register for the single person discount on council tax. Every little helps

Original poster
Merriden · 03/09/2020 07:55

I know it might sound quick but I’m worried if I don’t act now that I’ll lose my nerve and be stuck with him forever.

The locksmith is now here and changing the locks.

DP didn’t try to come home but he did call me from a different phone number and scream all kinds of abuse at me. I feel a bit upset but I guess this confirms I am making the right decision.

DP made yet another threat that he will have our son and that if I go for maintenance he will quot his job so again, like so many have said, it’s probably just empty threats in an attempt to manipulate me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Merriden · 03/09/2020 07:57

@CigarsofthePharoahs

Congratulations on your promotion - and the 15 stone weight loss that has come with it! Grin Wine here's to a bright future free of a useless man!
This made me laugh which is much needed.

Also, the atmosphere here this morning with just me and the kids and no weird silent treatment is so much nicer. It’ll be lovely to be like this every single day.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 03/09/2020 08:03

Well done 💐

JulesCobb · 03/09/2020 08:06

@Sparticuscaticus

I will also be arranging to see a solicitor to arrange contact with DS. I think DP may try to go for full custody, that’s always been his threat that he’d get full custody and I’d have to pay him maintenance.

He won't get full residency as

  1. You said he barely parents his child
  2. He had no home for DS to live with him at, he's just lost his home! It'll take ages for him to find somewhere big enough to live including a child with his debts. For £140 /month he won't even be able to afford a rented room in a shared house... not suitable for a child to stay at
  3. DS lives with his stepDCs and no court will break that up as they are as important as parents, so DS will be mostly resident with you. Once he realises he won't get maintenance not any child benefits /UC as not the resident parent, he won't pursue it
  4. He'll likely bluff and fluster but, keep bullet point detail of how he fails to patent including day to day stuff, and the big events, and how uncontactable he regularly is for any emergencies
I just wanted to amplify this great advice.

Dont let him scare you into not going for cms. If he quits his job to avoid paying, how on earth does he think he would get to be resident parent?! He is just all nonsense.

WiserOlder · 03/09/2020 08:06

@Merriden very wise to act quickly.
When i was with my abusive x, things always got back to a shitty normal, and by that point i felt like it would be too dramatic to take any action. You are a boss Wine

sapnupuas · 03/09/2020 08:06

Well done!

Wallywobbles · 03/09/2020 08:07

You rock. See a solicitor but a judge will award the status quo generally. So if he doesn't see DS much in the next few months that's what he'll get.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 03/09/2020 08:07

Ghosting, stonewalling and emotional manipulation. All abuse.

Get rid.

JulesCobb · 03/09/2020 08:07

DP didn’t try to come home but he did call me from a different phone number and scream all kinds of abuse at me. I feel a bit upset but I guess this confirms I am making the right decision.
It was just so considerate of him to go to these lengths to show you how much of an abusive wanker he is. Grin

Well done op.

WiserOlder · 03/09/2020 08:07

My x also threatened to resign. I said "ok"
And funnily enough he did not resign. They all threaten it. They all have mad exes. They roll off the conveyor belt.

AnyFucker · 03/09/2020 08:25

Call his silly bluff. Go through official channels to get the child support your son is allowed to.

Stop communicating with him.