WIBU to tell her I basically disapprove of her favourite YouTube channel?

[thepeopleversuswork]

Not sure if this is AIBU really but posting for traffic. Unsure how to handle this.

My DD, 9, during a particularly fraught period of lockdown, relied heavily (far too heavily IMO) on watching a particular YouTube channel which revolves around a group of young adults commenting on playing video games.

It's innocuous enough really: not harmful or X rated, not violent and doesn't have adult or sexualised content. I dislike it though because I think its utterly mindless just a massive time vacuum: uninteresting, uncreative and I just think there are far better ways to spend your time. She spent far more time on it than I might have wanted during lockdown because I'm a lone parent and I needed undisturbed time to work my job is extremely intolerant of interruptions by children etc and I had to guarantee quiet time on conference calls etc. Now we're coming out of it and she's back in school/childcare, she does have other things going on in her life and I desperately want her to channel her energies elsewhere and am really encouraging her not to spend as much time watching this.

I really want to discourage it without discouraging it IYSWIM. She is very preoccupied with it and talks about it a lot. I'm totally uninterested in it and don't want to take up quality time talking about it. I try not to be actively disparaging but to gently change the subject or steer her away from it. But I know its not a great idea to pour scorn on something your kids are really passionate about.

This morning I lost it a bit. She was getting ready for school and started talking about it for the umpteenth time when I was trying to get her ready and I said, probably a bit sharply, basically, now you're back at school and back in the real world its time to move on from this: it eats a lot of your time and its uninteresting and I'm tired of talking about it.

I feel awful about my response: partly because its bound up with my own feelings of guilt about being a working mother and also because I don't want to put her down about something she loves. I know I didn't handle it well...

But I am so sick of it and having to feign interest in it the whole time and I genuinely feel that its a big drain on energy which could be so better directed towards more creative things.

Should I just zip it and let it wash over me? I've no doubt she will grow out of it at some point so maybe I just need to endure it. Or is there a place for parents telling their kids their energies are better spent elsewhere, particularly if it means family and friends are having to listen to discussion on a subject ad nauseam? I kind of feel that if she were an adult people would let her know if she was boring on about something to the point that it was difficult to tolerate. Where's the line?

Mincingfuckdragon2

I'd be less bothered by her banging on about sport (even though I personally am not interested in it.

Team sports are constructive activities which promote health, encourage both tactical and strategic thinking and resilience and build human bonds.

I may be missing someting, but I don't see much of any of that in groups of people live-streaming themselves sitting on the sofa talking about playing Minecraft.

Gaming involves tactical and strategic thinking, it can involve feeling part of a group (building human bonds). There will be times you lose and there will be times you have to dig deep to get something done (resilience). Also even if it is fairly vacuous, not all leisure activities need to be in pursuit of a goal or of furthering self or social development, they can just be fun and relaxing and an end in themselves. She has found a way to fill the loneliness and boredom without impacting on anyone else. She could have spent it getting on your last nerve, using your credit card details to buy things online, stealing alcohol, trying to run away, etc. Etc. She also could have become lonely and isolated and stopped taking and ended up with lasting mental health problems. Yes she could have also used it to write award winning short stories or a novel, or learn Chinese Mandarin, or try to invent a vaccine for covid 19/ cure for cancer/ climate change reversal method or whatever, but she's a child so she didn't want to! What she did was find a way to adapt perfectly to her suddenly changed circumstances and not lose her shit during a pandemic, more than I can say for most grown ups. FWIW I think most adults greatest achievements during lockdown will be to have not had a psychiatric or marriage break down, still have a roof over their heads and to have completed a few box sets on Netflix

Anything involving real people doing real things, I guess. I can live with video games, particularly Minecraft, which seems quite cool and creative (less keen on Roblox). But the idea of living your life through video games strikes me as a bit sad tbh, in both senses of the word. There's a limit to much time you have in life and the more time you spend on virtual experience the less time there is for actual experience.

Books are virtual experience. Films are virtual experience. Dh and I are both teachers with degrees from top universities and both have other interests. I have studied highbrow literature in several languages. But we both like escapist fantasy books, console games and daft action films. A lot of our most fun and interesting conversations with our dc are about those things. My dc are interesting to talk to because they are intelligent, articulate kids, not because their interests are highbrow. Children are at school for a lot of hours for a lot of years. There needs to be plenty of room for them to fill their head with silly stuff!

Playing team sport promotes health, encourages both tactical and strategic thinking and resilience and builds human bonds.

Watching it, not so much.

Appreciate YMMV, was just trying to give you an alternative view.

Team sports are constructive activities which promote health, encourage both tactical and strategic thinking and resilience and build human bonds.

Seriously... not everything has to be constructive! People also do things for simple pleasure and enjoyment. Especially when they are 9!

I sympathise and I worry that these channels are a way for some kids to feel less lonely... but of course these you tubers are not their “friends”. I’d be gentle and just respond with hmmm etc and try to change the subject. In a quiet moment introduce the topic of conversation etiquette and explain how one has to be mindful of the other person’s attention span etc. BUT you are her mum, and unfortunately part of our roles as parents is to soak up some of the emotional overspill that our young kids have, make them feel they can let off steam a bit with us ... hard to balance sometimes. It’s been a stressful time. I’d cut her a bit of slack right at this moment. And don’t say “this the real world now”. For her that was a big part of her real world. Don’t belittle that. As long as she knows she can use it for escapism but knowingly, iyswim? I talk a lot about balancing different activities and not letting YouTube and gaming crowd out other things that could also be fun. Also explain the mechanics of addiction and the brain becoming addicted, like the dangers of smoking .

A lot of you sound a lot like my own parents when I was heavily into the Stones and the whole crazy scene going on in London in the late sixties. Escapism was just as big a part of it then as more virtual pursuits are now. Almost no activity nowadays is extremely pure and rooted in “reality” unless you want to go wild camping and hunt your own food. Let people enjoy what they enjoy.

@MrsFezziwig

Mumsnet isn't a direct analogy really: its goal oriented -- you go on to solve a problem or get an answer. You don't spend hours aimlessly on it.

Hahahahahahaha

Exactly. And Mumsnet is not somewhere I’d go to solve a problem.

@AriesTheRam

Is it Preston or jelly by any chance?

Oh God - Preston - the horror!

I think you're getting a hard time here, OP.

Yes, we all need to smile and nod when our children want to tell you about their interest even though they bore us to tears. As they get older, it's a good sign when they still do this.

However, I think everyone must acknowledge that there need to be boundaries: interests, however dull, are things everyone needs, but they shouldn't get in the way of things.

I do also agree that some interests are a lot more worthwhile than others. For example, Minecraft can be great: it's can be used to do very complicated and creative things. Playing sport encourages fitness. Good books encourage vocab and critical thinking. A YouTube channel where people just blah blah blah, not really - there's something weird about how this has replaced real life interaction. I think you should gently steer your child away towards something more worthwhile. I've watched my elder DD get a lot of her formative views and ways of thinking about things from YouTube and I don't think it's an improvement on children's television. If I could put the clock back I'd have restricted her access more.

I feel that I've found my tribe (sorry OP). Personally jelly, Preston and Unspeakable are nothing compare to Sllogo (least shorty, not too much swearing and speaks half decent English). If it wasn't for theses guys I'd have to figure how to play minecraft - I am therefore grateful!!

It just smacks of 'how dare my kid like things I don't like'.