WIBU to tell her I basically disapprove of her favourite YouTube channel?

[thepeopleversuswork]

Not sure if this is AIBU really but posting for traffic. Unsure how to handle this.

My DD, 9, during a particularly fraught period of lockdown, relied heavily (far too heavily IMO) on watching a particular YouTube channel which revolves around a group of young adults commenting on playing video games.

It's innocuous enough really: not harmful or X rated, not violent and doesn't have adult or sexualised content. I dislike it though because I think its utterly mindless just a massive time vacuum: uninteresting, uncreative and I just think there are far better ways to spend your time. She spent far more time on it than I might have wanted during lockdown because I'm a lone parent and I needed undisturbed time to work my job is extremely intolerant of interruptions by children etc and I had to guarantee quiet time on conference calls etc. Now we're coming out of it and she's back in school/childcare, she does have other things going on in her life and I desperately want her to channel her energies elsewhere and am really encouraging her not to spend as much time watching this.

I really want to discourage it without discouraging it IYSWIM. She is very preoccupied with it and talks about it a lot. I'm totally uninterested in it and don't want to take up quality time talking about it. I try not to be actively disparaging but to gently change the subject or steer her away from it. But I know its not a great idea to pour scorn on something your kids are really passionate about.

This morning I lost it a bit. She was getting ready for school and started talking about it for the umpteenth time when I was trying to get her ready and I said, probably a bit sharply, basically, now you're back at school and back in the real world its time to move on from this: it eats a lot of your time and its uninteresting and I'm tired of talking about it.

I feel awful about my response: partly because its bound up with my own feelings of guilt about being a working mother and also because I don't want to put her down about something she loves. I know I didn't handle it well...

But I am so sick of it and having to feign interest in it the whole time and I genuinely feel that its a big drain on energy which could be so better directed towards more creative things.

Should I just zip it and let it wash over me? I've no doubt she will grow out of it at some point so maybe I just need to endure it. Or is there a place for parents telling their kids their energies are better spent elsewhere, particularly if it means family and friends are having to listen to discussion on a subject ad nauseam? I kind of feel that if she were an adult people would let her know if she was boring on about something to the point that it was difficult to tolerate. Where's the line?

Your attitude to it seems a bit odd tbh. Obviously it's important for you to regulate the amount of screen time a 9yo child has, and to prevent them (as far as possible) from accessing anything inappropriate. But I'm a bit baffled as to why you'd be bothered by you finding the content boring or mindless. The average stuff a 9yo watches is very likely to be boring to an adult!

Everybody's children bang on about the stuff they like, whether it's their favourite football team, Pokemon or Fortnite. Parents don't need to find it interesting or inspiring. But neither should they say "I'm sick of talking about this". Just nod, smile and make the odd 'Really? Cool!" remark and limit her screen time a bit.

DH struggles with the crap the DC watch on YouTube. Similar stuff to you (although be grateful as it sounds like you missed the Peppa Pig fan fiction and/or the unwrapping of Kinder eggs phases....). But my view is to let them get on with it. Having said that, I'm completely open with them that I don't like it so I tell them to turn it down or take it somewhere else when I'm in the room and I'm completely not interested in chatting about what's happening in the video. She has a couple that are less painful so I'll listen with half an ear to those and comment on the story line occasionally or whatever.

Obviously, showing interest in what our kids are interested in is important. But I don't think we have to get down to their level for every single thing. I also don't think DS's fart jokes are particularly amusing so just roll my eyes - which admittedly, has now become part of the joke for him. Similarly, I read a lot as a child - my parents didn't need to hear the plot line of every novel. At most, they needed the authors' names around Christmas and birthdays for present suggestions....

It's not unusual my son does this too with video games he likes, I don't get why anyone would want to watch someone else play a game either but at the end of the day she enjoys it so leave her be

My stepdaughter is like this over fortnite - absolute non stop banging on about it and not one of us know what shes on about. She won't tolerate anyone changing the subject either, just starts again. Shes only here EOW though so we smile and nod - not sure I could cope all day every day so I feel your pain!

It’s very very normal, and just a phase. You’re worrying unnecessarily imo. My kids have done it, as have most of their friends.

Is it Preston or jelly by any chance?

Can you channel any of the enthusiasm for it more positively? Ie she writes a story or draws a picture with the characters, bake a cake in the shape of the logo or something? Anything? I'm not sure what the channel is but my older child is obsessed by something I find very boring and we try to play that out in other ways that are more interesting. I remember as a 10/11 year old making a Boyzone blanket. I was totally, utterly obsessed

I think YABU in that the stuff kids like can be dull or mindless to adults but YANBU to be totally fed up of hearing about the same thing for the millionth time.

I've just entered this phase with DS and Minecraft.

I don't think it's ok for anyone to bore other people rigid with endless discussions on a topic which is of no interest to them. It's part of growing up / social skills to learn how to 'read your audience' and tailor conversation to it.

So I am starting to impress this idea on DS that not everyone will be that interested so he needs to limit the chat. But he can fill his boots with mates at school.

However, so as to not dismiss it completely out of hand, I've also had a few games with him so I can understand a little of what he is talking about when he's done something he's particularly proud of.

So although I agree that you need to explain that your level of interest doesn't match hers and she needs to dial it back - the occasional chat about it should help to balance it out.

I tell my DC if I think their YouTube channels are rubbish - not in a mean way, but I’m not going to lie that I find something riveting if it’s not. And I discourage them from spending too long gawping at it. But I don’t worry too much - and I don’t think you should either. As you say, life is opening up more now with activities etc and school so it will naturally be limited. During lockdown I expect it was a bit lonely and so it’s been like her group of friends to catch up with & tell you all about - that social need will be filled more easily now and the phase will pass.

‘It’s just a phase’. Mmhmm. My 18yo watches these about 7 or 8 hours a day. He holds down a job, socializes, and is quite pleasant otherwise, but dear god, just what is the attraction? (It’s not video games per se, it’s D&D, and he writes his own campaigns and runs them. But omg. Just stooooooop.)

It's fine to watch them but as pp have mentioned they need to be more aware that it shouldn't be their sole topic of conversation, especially with adults.

Had to have that conversation with DS a few years ago when I overheard him telling the hairdresser what each button combination did in a computer game.

I think you are being helpful in saying it should not be the main topic of conversation. Think of how other children at school might react, for example.

You need to unclench! Its just like any other fad children go through. Completely mind numbing to adults. Bet she finds most things you find interesting really boring. At least she's talking to you about something she's interested in. Just nod along and pretend you are.

Children need space for their interests. Sometimes they need managing in order to have some balance in life, but they still need that freedom to persue what captures their interest if it is not actively harmful.

DS (9) has subjected me to 5.5 months of Minecraft/ weapons & battle strategies of WW2. He has ASD. Changing the subject is not easy...
DS (7) is all about the pokemon. I though I was interested in pokemon until he started, but bloody hell he can talk about it

Thanks all.

lazylinguist I don't know. I guess partly I feel it reflects poorly on me if all my daughter finds interesting in life is YouTube. It's such unmitigated rubbish, to be honest, it makes me feel that I've done a really poor job. It makes me feel depressed. For example when she draws anything its always related to this dreadful YouTube stuff.

I'm not in the camp of parents who believe that kids are better off without access to any technology but I think this kind of thing is utter dross and just rots their brains. It makes them poorer emotionally, intellectually, at every level. I feel that if I were a more capable parent (and worked less) I would stop her going anywhere near it.

There's also the separate issue of expecting other people to talk about it all the time which I can see from the posts that more people think is valid.

I don't know. Maybe it has more to do with me than her. I just loathe it.

Was this Dan TDM by any chance? There was far too much of his channel being watched at the start of lockdown by DS as I desperately tried to get work done.

I'm not sure I handled it much better to be honest, (renaming my son's idle Damn Tedious)

No its not Preston or Jelly or Dam TDM. I had no idea there were so many of these bloody things.

I know all adults think kids entertainment is shite but the idea of a whole format that consists of people commenting on other people playing Minecraft... the mind boggles.

My 8 year old talks about Roblox quite a lot which bores me to death. I listen for a while then say enough now. Am really trying to teach her to read and audience too. She is back at school tomorrow, can't cone soon enough - l have said all along it will be a weekend treat once things are back to normal.

It's a phase and will end. It thought I was going to lose my mind over stampy longnose. But thankfully he is now a distant memory.

I’m with you OP and I’ve been having similar battles with DD over a totally mindless game she loves on her tablet.

I don’t think this kind of thing can be called an “interest” really, unlike say Pokemon or Minecraft, it has so little to it, whereas eg Pokemon they can learn all the types and stats and there is some substance there to discuss with other kids.

It’s similar to an adult saying their “interest” is watching Gogglebox or playing Candy Crush. Yes it might be something you occasionally do when you want to switch off but you can’t call it an interest and you know full well that if you do it for hours it is a waste of your life!

TBH I have deleted the mindless game off DD’s tablet, and loaded some “better” games instead (at least they require a bit of thought and reading eg Harry Potter based ones). She wasn’t happy but she’s got over it after a couple of days. Could you do something similar- find some other youtube channels she might like which are less rubbish? Maybe introduce her to the games the youtubers were chatting about?

DS1 once slagged off the music I was listening to in the kitchen, saying it was «Whiney white boys» (he wasn’t wrong) and really sneering. I told him off and said «People like different things, and I’m not mean about the things you like!». He replied «of course you are, you never stop slagging off the you tubers that I watch!». And he’s right, I did. Like you, I didn’t see the attraction, I worried / felt guilty that he was »wasting» hours watching all this crap. But to him it isn’t crap, it’s what he likes - and I was totally sneering at it to try and put him off it. I felt very bad, and have left him to his own choices since then.

I guess partly I feel it reflects poorly on me if all my daughter finds interesting in life is YouTube.
Well, in the gentlest possible way, that is your problem and not for your DD to deal with.

I don't disagree that children need to learn how to 'read their audience' as part of gaining social and conversational skills. But she quite possibly only leans on it so much because she's had a tough time in lockdown; give her a bit of time back at school and she may well move on fast!

think this kind of thing is utter dross and just rots their brains. It makes them poorer emotionally, intellectually, at every level.

Have you got any evidence of this? Tbh it’s probably the kind of thing people said about reading when books were first invented. My mum remembers being told off for reading too much, «wasting all that time, nose stuck in a book, head full of rubbish» etc

I just let it wash over me. If it's not gaming or you tube or some tv show, then I hardly get any conversation. So I just enjoy that they're talking even if it's not my choice of topic IYSWIM

think this kind of thing is utter dross and just rots their brains. It makes them poorer emotionally, intellectually, at every level.

No worse than adults watching tv soaps, scrolling though red carpet dresses or celebrity wedding dresses and giving opinions or posting on message boards about non-serious stuff like favourite sweets from your childhood

Reading the audience is important though - she should have twigged that adults aren't usually interested in YouTubers so talking about this with her friends is the way forward.