WIBU to tell her I basically disapprove of her favourite YouTube channel?

[thepeopleversuswork]

Not sure if this is AIBU really but posting for traffic. Unsure how to handle this.

My DD, 9, during a particularly fraught period of lockdown, relied heavily (far too heavily IMO) on watching a particular YouTube channel which revolves around a group of young adults commenting on playing video games.

It's innocuous enough really: not harmful or X rated, not violent and doesn't have adult or sexualised content. I dislike it though because I think its utterly mindless just a massive time vacuum: uninteresting, uncreative and I just think there are far better ways to spend your time. She spent far more time on it than I might have wanted during lockdown because I'm a lone parent and I needed undisturbed time to work my job is extremely intolerant of interruptions by children etc and I had to guarantee quiet time on conference calls etc. Now we're coming out of it and she's back in school/childcare, she does have other things going on in her life and I desperately want her to channel her energies elsewhere and am really encouraging her not to spend as much time watching this.

I really want to discourage it without discouraging it IYSWIM. She is very preoccupied with it and talks about it a lot. I'm totally uninterested in it and don't want to take up quality time talking about it. I try not to be actively disparaging but to gently change the subject or steer her away from it. But I know its not a great idea to pour scorn on something your kids are really passionate about.

This morning I lost it a bit. She was getting ready for school and started talking about it for the umpteenth time when I was trying to get her ready and I said, probably a bit sharply, basically, now you're back at school and back in the real world its time to move on from this: it eats a lot of your time and its uninteresting and I'm tired of talking about it.

I feel awful about my response: partly because its bound up with my own feelings of guilt about being a working mother and also because I don't want to put her down about something she loves. I know I didn't handle it well...

But I am so sick of it and having to feign interest in it the whole time and I genuinely feel that its a big drain on energy which could be so better directed towards more creative things.

Should I just zip it and let it wash over me? I've no doubt she will grow out of it at some point so maybe I just need to endure it. Or is there a place for parents telling their kids their energies are better spent elsewhere, particularly if it means family and friends are having to listen to discussion on a subject ad nauseam? I kind of feel that if she were an adult people would let her know if she was boring on about something to the point that it was difficult to tolerate. Where's the line?

The thing is, OP, it may seem like mindless crap to you but think about the popular TV shows that lots of adults like to watch. Many of them are equally as bad IMO! It's just that we have enough social skills not to go on about them in front of other people as they'd find it boring whereas 9 year olds don't realise this.

As long as it's not inappropriate for her age I think you need to feign interest.

My ds is obsessed with preston, slogoman and jelly playing minecraft - we have had to institute a weekends-only approach to youtube as a whole. It means he can't watch stuff i'd be happy for him to watch like maddie moate but it's just easier to limit youtube than try to explain the difference.

I'm not in the camp of parents who believe that kids are better off without access to any technology but I think this kind of thing is utter dross and just rots their brains. It makes them poorer emotionally, intellectually, at every level. I feel that if I were a more capable parent (and worked less) I would stop her going anywhere near it.

DD is quite smart. She can read but at 5 isn't really interested in reading by herself. But she keeps coming out with v impressive words, used in correct context.... when I ask her where she learnt such a word she usually smugly says, "Molly" - her favourite roblux youtube video person! So it's not all bad

I’m 33 and I still watch the “dross” you are referring to. I can assure you my brain is still operational and hasn’t rotted away. In fact, I’ve actually learned a lot from topics they discuss while playing games. They have an entire community and I have met some people I could count on in life or death situations and people I’ll be friends with for life.

Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t make it it trash.

netflixismysidehustle

I don’t watch soaps or scroll through red carpet pictures or, God Forbid, wedding dresses. So if that’s the quality bar I would like her to aim a bit higher.

I totally get that older generations never understand the pop culture of youth etc. But compared to the stuff I was watching and listening to it seems unbelievably vacuous. And I’m not going to apologise for that.

Your kids will soon enough , stop sharing things in their life with you. I suggest even if it is difficult to them.
I have really no interest in Fortnight- but we do play card games most night, magic tricks, activities and tv programmes.
Honestly (and sadly) the time will pass so quickly that before you know it, your only interaction could be birthdays and Christmas celebrations.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe

Gonna have to agree to disagree I think,

The fact that it’s a “community” doesn’t handle it for me. Paedophile rings are also a community.

In no universe can I see myself finding this stuff remotely life enhancing.

Just because you dont find it interesting and YOU think she needs to do something more creative, doesn’t mean she has to stop. That’s dictating

What are you going to do when she is older and still doesn’t want to do what you think she should?

Others will be watching, it’s something her peers will be aware of, watch, have an interest in

Leave her be

Chloemol yeah I get this. Which is why I’m not stopping it. But I also reserve the right to think she should aim higher.

Oh for god sake OP let her be a 9 year old.

I think you should just try and redirect her energies where you can so that she has lots of other things to interest her too. With school re starting this should provide some distraction. You will probably find that suddenly one day this channel is no longer of interest.

Following. I can't stand YouTube dross either but they love it. I do secretly fantasize about throwing out the ipad though and I sometimes put it in a drawer they would never look in for a bit. My parents were probably driven equally mad by things like Why Don't You, Mallet's Mallet and my Kylie and Jason obsession.

Both my sons have been through this, but they are at least passionate about something, ok, Ds2 is heavily into DnD but every week he and his friends come together online to play it. They bond over it, laugh their heads off at it, it is sheer joy to hear a 14 year boy laughing uncontrollably with his mates.

I will also tell you that he and his older brother went through Ben 10, Pokemon, Minecraft (still play it) Fortnite, Roblox and watched hours of videos on YouTube about it. But they are also kind, caring, do chores, have full blown informed conversations about world events, academically are doing incredibly well, play musical instruments without being told to, have great friendships.

This period in her life does not define her. She has an interest in something and it is also currency, something that she will no doubt talk about with her friends in school. Just like all the people who talked about Game of Thrones or Killing Eve, played Candy Crush on their phones, watched soaps, followed celebrity news. It is the same thing.

There is a balance if she finds it interesting and wants to discuss it let her as long as she has other interests too.
It might not be your cup of tea just put on a fake smile nod occasionally and secretly think it is bullshit.

Once schools go back, there will be less time.
It's mostly pretty harmless escapism, but do check exactly what she is watching. It isn't all suitable. Show a bit of interest now and again.
My DD is 13 often consumed by a specific thing for a while, we've been there with Minecraft (how I hated Stampys voice) but she moves on and finds other things she likes. I deal with the endless conversation about the same thing by saying I will talk about it, but maybe for half an hour and then we have to talk about something else because I'm not quite as interested. She gets this and it's taught us both skills to be honest. I've been more patient than comes naturally and I have learnt more about what she likes and makes her tick. She's learnt a bit of give and take.

So the consensus seems to be that I need to swallow this and style it out. Fair enough. I can take a hint. If its the price of a good relationship with her I will grit my teeth and do that.

But interesting that several people think kids should be prompted to be aware of when they are boring people. That was my sense as well: its great to listen to kids but there's a fine line between making them feel their interests are valid and allowing them to think they have no obligation to take others needs into account.

thepeopleversuswork. You are comparing a hobby group to a pedophile ring?! That's pretty ignorant and insulting of you. If nothing else I would hope these online communities that your daughter watches will teach her to be more tolerant and less sneering than her mother.

God only knows what you'd make of my YouTube viewing history, I watch allsorts of nonsense (guinea pigs! and videos about trains and make-up, mostly.)
Give her a break, she's a kid. Let her enjoy it, there's plenty of time for her 'aiming higher' when she's at secondary school. I also don't know how old you are, OP, but I'm 32 and can remember some incredibly vacuous stuff from when I was younger, and I thought I was incredibly high brow for being obsessed with Harry Potter and Evanescence instead.

I agree it’s utter dross but be careful comparing it to your own youthful obsessions. I rewatched something I was completely obsessed with and was convinced it was fascinating. Utter dross. Turns out children and adults like different things. My friend found her childhood diary and had to hide it again she was so embarrassed.

To be fair, OP you're not the target audience for these videos so they're not going to appeal to you.

DD is currently into ItsFunneh. Funneh is very much not funny and I find the videos face meltingly boring but DD likes them so I just nod, smile, and ask generic questions when she's talking about it. I remember as a child being obsessed with a wildlife encyclopedia and I'd talk about various animals, my father one day told me I had to stop because it was boring and I was boring everyone with it, it really stung and was hurtful to hear. If DD is wittering on I don't ever tell her she's boring me, I just tell her that we've had enough Funneh talk for now and it's time for reading/dinner/bed so can she tell me about it later/tomorrow instead.

DS is obsessed with Preston and I tell him the same although he has ASD so it's a bit harder to turn him away from the subject so I will usually say to him "have your bath/put your things away/do your handwriting and then you can have five minutes to talk to me all about Preston".

Why are you making this so much about you? Your daughter is allowed to like things you don't and you don't have to 'understand' them. Smile and be interested, ask questions and engage with her. She'll probably lose her fascination with it in time but she probably won't forget how shitty you were about her interests.

Mine's the same with Minecraft YouTube videos, tediously drones on about them for ages, but playing Minecraft is one of her interests so I would never dream of telling her I think it's boring. I imagine your DD found that really hurtful and maybe you should apologise.

The way I see it, this is their version of the telly watching we did as kids. My DC would much rather watch these videos than watch an episode of Blue Peter, disappointing though that is to me! So I think you just need to swallow your obvious distaste and feign enough interest to make it looks as though you care about what matters to her.

I think it's fine, especially at her age and with everything that's been going on in the world.

I find that when I'm stressed I tend to go down rabbit holes of interests too; I think it's a bit of escapism and a coping strategy. Sometimes it might be a historical event, or a sport or a musician and I just want to learn all I can about it.

I guess as a grown woman, I'm aware enough to know that nobody else is interested though. But at 9, she's still learning.

Is it something she chats about with her friends? If so then I can see some benefit to it. I note quite a few of the examples given by PP are things their DC share with friends.

But if none of her friends are into it then it doesn’t even have that benefit.

You seem harsh, she’s 9 let her enjoy things🥴