my mother lied

[sensiblesometimes]

I'm wai ting for a letter to tell me about a premium bond win that my mother 'neglected ' to tell me about 30 years ago . She let it slip in a conversation then instantly denied she had said it, i think she spent it on holidays and my brother! Im very hurt and upset

I don't know how it works but I do know that my dad cashed in my premium bonds when they were going through a very skin time as a family in the 80s.

Let's assume you were about six years old - your mum was acting in loco parentis for you. Perhaps if the win was very substantial she worried that you'd: a, tell everyone when she preferred to keep it quiet; and 2, spend it all on Barbie doll accessories, sweeties or gamble it all away at an amusement arcade. You'd still look back with regret, wouldn't you? I don't blame you for being annoyed by the deception but she had her reasons.

I doubt it was millions!

My late FIL said he was buying Premium Bonds for our DS when he was born - £250. This was back in 1992!!! I was over the moon! He said he did this for each grandchild.
DH and I had very little money and I never felt our grandchild was going to be treated as fairly as the others. [He wasn't, by the way!]

Anyway, after a few months we had heard no more about these Premium Bonds for our DS. DH asked FIL and it then transpired that he bought them IN HIS OWN NAME - with the intention of sharing any winnings amongst all grandchildren should he win. Bloody cheek! Funnily enough, we NEVER ever saw any winnings...

My son won 25 pounds when he was around 3. I remember paying it into my account and I remember buying him a toy he wanted with the money, but I can't remember the details beyond that. This is so going to come and bite me on the arse in 30 years, isn't it? I really should have kept the receipt.

Also, I wonder what I'd do if one child won a million pounds. Do you split it equally wrong all your kids or does it just go to that kid? It's such a thorny issue.

I sense that you don't have an easy relationship with your mum OP. Wait until you receive the letter before you ask her for an explanation.

Nikori Wed 02-Sep-20 10:16:10
Also, I wonder what I'd do if one child won a million pounds. Do you split it equally wrong all your kids or does it just go to that kid? It's such a thorny issue.

Surely, morally if not legally, you'd have to put that kind of money in a trust for them until they are adult age, and then it would be up to them what they'd do with it.

You can set up premium bonds so that any wins are immediately used to purchase more bonds, up to the maximum holding. I’ve set my kids’ up like that. It’s possible the win has never been spent and just been reinvested.

@ginghamtablecloths

Let's assume you were about six years old - your mum was acting in loco parentis for you. Perhaps if the win was very substantial she worried that you'd: a, tell everyone when she preferred to keep it quiet; and 2, spend it all on Barbie doll accessories, sweeties or gamble it all away at an amusement arcade. You'd still look back with regret, wouldn't you? I don't blame you for being annoyed by the deception but she had her reasons.

How can a parent act in loco parentis??

And her 'reasons' might have been selfishness, greed or a desire to spoil her brother instead.

'reasons' aren't always justified excuses to do something wrong

@Climbingallthetrees

You can set up premium bonds so that any wins are immediately used to purchase more bonds, up to the maximum holding. I’ve set my kids’ up like that. It’s possible the win has never been spent and just been reinvested.

I think that's what my parents did, I really must ask my mum.

Its fraud it they are in your name.
She needs to tell you the truth so you can decide what to do. I hope its an honest mistake or mix up

I really couldn't bring myself to be annoyed about this to be honest. My parents regularly used my childhood savings account for family days out etc. They more than made up for it by, you know, raising me and paying for me for the first 16 years of my life!

How much do you think she has stiffed you for OP?

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

TwoFlatWhitesToWakeUp the only reason to buy bonds in a child's name if you intend them for yourself is to commit financial/ tax fraud - there's a mayimum allowance for personal premium bonds as they're tax free savings - what possible reason could there be for buying something you intend for yourself in your child's name except to get around the rules and dodge tax? Morally shady to say the least to buy bonds in your child's name instead of your own but retain them and winnings for yourself.

This! Either give your child the winnings, put them in a bank account in their name or stop buying them. Stop using your child to cheat the system. If you put a scratch card inside a birthday card and the recipient won, would you expect them to hand the money to you? I see no difference.

My sister and I (born 1960 and 1962) were given a few Premium Bonds as christening presents. We never knew anything about them. I think my mum stuck them in a drawer and forgot about them.

When I was in my 20s Mum presented us each with our £10-worth of bonds and £50 each, mine in the form of a cheque from the PB National Savings, my sister's £50 in cash. My sister's bonds had won £50 about ten years previously (presume Mum had cashed the cheque as my sister would have been under 16). My mum had worried that it wasn't really fair that my sister should have a fairly serious wad of cash while still at school while I got nothing, so she'd hung on until I won £50 too, a decade later. I've still got those PBs and they haven't won anything in the 30 years since. My mum grew up in a family where her brother was the favourite and got everything and the girls were expected to do without and she had a very strong sense of fairness as a result. My sister wasn't bothered by what had happened and neither was I.

You seem to be assuming that it was a major win, OP, but it's far more likely to have been £50 or £100 and back in 1990 that wouldn't have bought a weekend away, let alone a holiday. Don't work this up into a bigger grievance than it really is.

I like the idea upthread, tell your Mum that the letter detailing all the wins is on its way to you and would she like to tell you more/can she remember anymore about it before the letter arrives.

When I was 14, my gran left me premium bonds when she died and I have never been given them, my mother always talks about these bonds I was supposedly left but has never handed them over. I''m 41 now!

Contact details for NS+I who issue all Premium bonds and a range of savings products.

www.nsandi.com/how-do-i-get-touch

You'll need to give them quite a bit of information for accounts that you've held as a child/still hold as an adult and it will have to be in writing. Other options are there for other enquiries.

They will be able to tell you what's won and when it was.

From that link "Write to us at NS&I, Sunderland SR43 2SB
The more details you can give when you write to us, the more quickly we can deal with your request:

Your personal details: name; address; date of birth. If you haven’t told us about a house move or a change in your marital status or name, please also include your previous name and address.

Your reference numbers. Any or all of these: your NS&I number, holder’s or customer number, account number, Bond numbers, or Certificate numbers, if you know them. You’ll find these numbers on your Bond records, certificates of investment or any other letters from us.

Details of your accounts or investments: type of investment (eg Premium Bonds); approximate start date; and amount, if you know them.

Don't forget to sign your letter. For your security, we can’t disclose or change personal information without the account holder’s signature(s). If you are over 16 and the investment was made for you when you were a child, we might not have your signature on our records. In that case, your signature should be witnessed so we can transfer control of any investments to you. The witness must be aged 18 or over and must not be a member of your family. The witness must also sign the form."

We buy Premium Bonds with our savings and have done for a couple of years now. We've both won several times - usually £25/£50 but I won £500 about six months ago. I would say we've won about £800 over the last two years.

OP, you really need more information about the win before anything else really.

@sensiblesometimes

yes in my name but her (mother) address for the last 30 years so all winning cheques would have gone to her

I'm failing to see why when you moved you wasn't responsible enough to change your address with the bonds?

Also, it is theft what your mum did? From opening your post to spending your money its an offence.

I remember winning £25 when I was around 10-12 (40-something years ago). It was 'put away for me' until I got older.

I was most disappointed at 18 when I was told it had been spent.

After I'd had kids though, I realised it had probably been spent on school uniform, or getting the gas turned back on, or just everyday expenses etc.

It's hardly something I can feel resentful about.

@ginghamtablecloths

Let's assume you were about six years old - your mum was acting in loco parentis for you. Perhaps if the win was very substantial she worried that you'd: a, tell everyone when she preferred to keep it quiet; and 2, spend it all on Barbie doll accessories, sweeties or gamble it all away at an amusement arcade. You'd still look back with regret, wouldn't you? I don't blame you for being annoyed by the deception but she had her reasons.

Or she could have gone with the option of putting it to one side to give to the op when she became an adult? I’m sure that’s what the majority of people with morals would do

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

TwoFlatWhitesToWakeUp the only reason to buy bonds in a child's name if you intend them for yourself is to commit financial/ tax fraud - there's a mayimum allowance for personal premium bonds as they're tax free savings - what possible reason could there be for buying something you intend for yourself in your child's name except to get around the rules and dodge tax? Morally shady to say the least to buy bonds in your child's name instead of your own but retain them and winnings for yourself.

Wrong my parents bought some for me and siblings in our names as an investment in the late '50s when they started. I still have mine. No tax fraud involved.

My grandparents were always giving my Mum a £1 and saying 'buy the children a premium bind'.

Years later I asked her about our premium binds and she laughed and said 'I used to spend the money on groceries and your shoes'.

Ah well.