my mother lied

[sensiblesometimes]

I'm wai ting for a letter to tell me about a premium bond win that my mother 'neglected ' to tell me about 30 years ago . She let it slip in a conversation then instantly denied she had said it, i think she spent it on holidays and my brother! Im very hurt and upset

Did "agent million" come to your house?????

I am guessing she gave you the idea it was a very substantial sum that should have been set aside for you.

The amount does make a difference what I'd think here.

that is sad op, i dont blame you really.
i am sure she felt justified since the money was essentially spent on you though.

My parents did this when I was a child and then got very defensive when tackled. I’m not sure if the logistics but they had access to my bank account so they may have paid the cheque in and withdrawn it one my behalf’. I’m waiting to learn of the sum, too.

I control my children’s accounts. I might consider withdrawing money to spend on them. I wouldn’t charge them to come on a family holiday, but if it was the only way we could afford one, I might consider it.

Too many factors to comment on.

My mother bought premium bonds for "us" when we were kids, ony a few, we were not a rich family, could never afford holidays, lived in hand me downs etc.
I imagine if there was a win on one of the bonds it would have been spent on us all as a family, probably on a holiday, or good winter coats and boots, that kind of thing.
Depends on the amount of course- how much did you win OP?

yes in my name but her (mother) address for the last 30 years so all winning cheques would have gone to her

Has she got control of a bank account in your name? If not, what could she have done with any winning cheques that would directly benefit her?

Well if she “let it slip” it’s hardly likely to have been a very low win (I know £25 is the lowest win now but no idea what it was 30 years a go?). Winning £5 30 years a go is hardly going to stay with you is it? Presumably it was a thousand or more, enough to remember.

Agree with PPs that it really depends on how much you won. £250 - let it go. £10,000 - you need to consider your options.

What letter are you waiting for?
How much was the win?
How old were you 30 years ago?

There has to be a massive back story to this, but as others have said it is possibly different if that made you 3 or 23 (say)

It 100% depends on the amount. My children were desperate to do intensive swimming lessons for a week in school hols. I didn’t have the money to pay for it so took some money out of their savings accounts. It was for them and saw it as using some of their xmas or birthday money for a good cause. However I wouldn’t empty their accounts to pay for a holiday!

30 years ago you could sign the back of a cheque so it could be paid into another account. How times have changed.

Interested in this

What was your mum's financial position 30 years ago, OP?

I remember a friend of mine whos grandfather died and left money (£10-15K?) for her and her sister (we were about 17, sister was 14). Her mother spent the lot on a new kitchen. Not quite the same sorry but I remember my friend being very upset about it and scrimping at college.

I am thinking of starting (relatively late) with premium bonds for the DCs. I agree with an earlier poster that if the child had a huge win (say five grand) I would use that to pay for something they needed then if it made sense to do so (i.e school fees, lessons, household expenses if we absolutely needed it to feed and house the DCs.)

I would not take the lot spend it on a luxury though or something "fun" I fancied for myself as a treat. This would probably include a holiday - but others may feel if it is an experience the child benefits from it is justified.

I do not think there is as hard a moral line here as you (OP) seem to feel there is. But if you're saying it was a substantial sum and they didnt support you financially later or helped your brother and not you, then I'd have a conversation.

What did your mum say when you questioned her?

Who bought the premium bond? If your mother paid for it you really have no complaint at all. Should your mother bill you for a minimum of 16 years upbringing? If someone else bought it and it was spent on taking you on holiday would you rather not have gone?

FWIW I reinvested the £25 my kid won on the bond I paid for - but it was my investment and if I'd needed the cash for their upbringing I'd have spent it.

I also think it is different if the bonds were bought as a gift by someone else.

The inheritance story is scandalous. But I can imagine saying to the DC- you have this money, we see it as a chance for you to contribute to school, training, a house purchase in time. I wouldn't give them free reign to spend it at the Apple store if it meant that DH and I had to cover for other things later.

Did your mum buy the bonds? She might have felt entitled to the win?

@alreadytaken

Who bought the premium bond? If your mother paid for it you really have no complaint at all. Should your mother bill you for a minimum of 16 years upbringing? If someone else bought it and it was spent on taking you on holiday would you rather not have gone?

FWIW I reinvested the £25 my kid won on the bond I paid for - but it was my investment and if I'd needed the cash for their upbringing I'd have spent it.

That is the biggest load of drivel I have read in a long time - and I am a regular on Twitter.

a ) Whoever bought it, it was OP's bond - you don't retain ownership of gifts

b) Have you paid your mother back for all the food you ate when you were a child? No? I thought not. Don't be so stupid. Or are you keeping a daily tab to present your children with "Smarties - 45p; Beano £1.20; beans on toast + proportion of the fuel used to heat it 73p" etc It sounds like you might be.

c) If it was spent on a holiday, actually OP very possibly would rather not have gone - she wasn't given the option.

d) you re-invested your child's winning because you paid for the bond - fair enough if it was reinvested on the child's behalf and for them to use as they wish if they win again - but if you are just going to spend the money as YOU want on things YOU feel are appropriate - why give the bonds at all? Just stick your own name on them

However, I think that the most upsetting thing here is the deceit involved.

were you a child at the time? My kids all have bonds but the two who are under 16 have me on the account too. Any wins (and it's only been £25, once) come with a cheque to my name. Once children turn 16 they can be the bond holder, in their own name.

Still, it sounds like a substantial sum, and hiding that from you is bad news.

This doesn't make sense.

If bonds were in the OP's name, then winning cheques would have been as well. So how did OP's mother cash them?

Exactly the sort of thing my mum would do, OP. When my insurance came out when I reached 18, my mum gave me a personal cheque for a very small sum, when my DS’ insurance came out, he was paid directly by the insurance company, I wouldn’t dream of taking a penny of it, it was money I invested for him.

Your PB win would be a minimum of £50 as I don’t think the £25 prize existed then. I would feel upset too, but not surprised in my case as my mum is known for being grabbing & opportunistic, one of the many reasons we have been NC for years.