To not want to promise BiL inheritance cut

[NamingShaming]

This has the potential to be a long one.

I live in London, work four days a week and live with my DH who works full time and our two kids (5,3). I’m retraining (over weekends) and want to quit my job or reduce days. My DH HATES his (on paper v good) job. We think we need a change - even before lockdown we’ve been struggling to enjoy life and I’m the quintessential sitcom mum who arrives sweaty and five mins late to pick up from after school club (pre lockdown days). (My DH does morning drop offs)

Anyway, we are thinking of leaving London to downsize our mortgage because we both want to work less and achieve more balance.

My in-laws who live in what is considered a ‘very nice’ (and this pricey) city want to downsize. I have no passion for this area but I appreciate my DH wants to be nearer his folks and then they can see grandkids who they are great with. (They can’t visit us due to health). They have offered to sell us their house in a private sale for c. £50kless than what is was valued for earlier this year. They think anecdotally it may have gone up in price which in theory would be a shaving off of £100k but then again it’s an anecdotal going up in price.

I asked BiL if he would have any objections to us purchasing house and he said no. I asked if he’d also want to live in same city to be near his folks and he said no but it would be handy having us all in one place for visits. The family gets on v well.

Hes now thought about it and wants to put in contract that when in-laws pass away he gets whatever saving (say it’s £50k) we made on house ring fenced.

AIBU to refuse? I don’t want to tear apart family over £50k but at the same time there is no fixed price of a house and you never actually know how much it would sell for. Other issue is the house is more than we want to pay really and won’t reduce mortgage by THAT much as houses in my area are not going for much at the moment.

DH has suggested we pay for a surveyor and out the in-laws suggested mates rates epics against that and then if it is a saving agree on contract that BiL gets that saving further down the line.
For full disclosure although I do want a change in my life to get more balance I would v likely give up my job int his scenario because - unless lockdown changes wfh rules at my company - I have to be based in London. So for me there is a lot of theoretical money wrapped up in this emotional move.

The in laws surely have the say in what they want to do in their will, not BIL?

Find a different house. Far too complicated, especially if it is their former childhood home.

To be honest it’s not really up to you to refuse is it?

It’s up to their parents to leave them whatever they want - if they want to leave BIL the equivalent of the saving they’re offering you on the house they can.

If they don’t want to they don’t have to.

I’d try to keep the house purchase and potential inheritance as separate as possible.

YANBU because the arrangement is between your DH and his parents.

The mistake you made in my opinion was bringing your BiL into it. It's a financial situation between your DH and his parents. They've made this offer for whatever reason and that's between the parties involved.

I can see why BiL may want to try and claw back what he perceives as lost inheritance, but he also has to realise a house is only worth what someone will pay at the time. By buying the house you're taking on the risk. The market could crash, you could end up in negative equity, and I doubt he'd be wanting his fair share of any depreciation to cover.

can pil gift the same amount of money to bil that you are getting via a discount, if you get £100k off the sale price, bil gets £100k cash. When pil pass away there may not be any money left in a Will, they may need to pay for a nursing home or carer fees. I would also get 3 independent valuations.

Get three valuations, take the average and say no to bil

And if the house depreciates in value what happens then?

What on earth has any of this got to do with you?
It's up to your husband's parents. You don't get to refuse anything.

If you don't want their house but a different one.

Buy a different house.

Ask him to guarantee that if house prices crash, he will make good any loss.
Tell him to jog on. Any inheritance is entirely theoretical.

Do you want to live in their old house? Doesn’t sound like it. Sounds like paying loads of money for something you don’t even want. If your paying £500k and it’s worth £550k but you don’t want it it’s not a bargain is a waste of money - with an emotional burden tied in. Will it even feel like yours or will dh want it how they would have it or will they be sucking their teeth when you get a hot tub with floating bar.

Run away, buy a cheaper house you want.

If your PIL sell you the house at below market rate and gift part of the proceeds that may have implications for

1. their liability for care costs
2. IHT if they die within 7 years

It's between your BIL and PILs. If he wants £50k extra in their wills then he can take it up with them.

I think this needs a rethink . In theory if the house was not sold then all the money could go in care home fees so no inheritance . Nothing is certain .

Either you get three valuations and agree an average price with no ring fence . Then if pil have spare cash they split it between sons now .

Or the agreement is the bil gets slightly a different percentage of the inheritance . So no set amount but if you said 60/40 on death then he might gain or loose ?

The in-laws are dropping the price of their house for you and in return are getting more access to their son, dil and grandchildren. If isn't as if you would buy that particular house through choice.

I can't see why your BIL needs to also benefit from this arrangement. It is up to your PIL how they wish to spend their money. It is also up to them how their estate is distributed after they die.

You do not even know if they will have any money to leave when they die. It could all be spent on care costs or they may have released equity and frittered it all away.Their money, their choice.

This has massive disaster written all over it. I would buy a different house and leave any questions of inheritance well alone.

This has all the potential of going spectacularly wrong; just buy a house you can afford.

Don’t do it. But another house. It won’t be worth it.

@Knittedfairies

This has all the potential of going spectacularly wrong; just buy a house you can afford.

Yep, this

You are making a huge mistake getting involved in your in laws finances like this.

What your parents in law do in their will is nothing to do with you.

Also what happens if you divorce? I know a lady who got very involved In her husbands parents wills - gave far too many opinions on what should and shouldn’t happen. Alienated all the in laws.

1. Do not buy a house that is more than you originally budgeted. It undermines your objective in moving
2. Surely the only place any 'deal' could be balanced out would be in the PIL's will? What do you mean, 'the contract'?
3. Actually wouldn't the BIL only need £25k to balance it out? As of the £50k, your DH would have been expected to benefit from half, so £25k each is a fair share.
4. By even BIL thinking about this, and being asked, and the PILs suggesting it... it has sown discord in a happy family. Do you want it to grow?
5. All this potential grief for an area you don;t feel that bothered about, in a house which is above your budget, to give up your job even though you have been training for a new career? Sounds a very 'meh' future for you. You are following a dream, why ditch yourself head first into a compromised situation that leaves you overall no better off financially?

Also putting myself in bil’s situation.

If my brothers wife started telling me what was and was not going to happen with my parents house and will I would very politely bit very firmly put her in her place.

I would be wary of this from a completely different angle of if his parents would be okay with you changing anything from the decor to the kitchen in a house that was once theirs.

You should never have involved the BIL, the arrangement is between your Dh and his parents.

My SIL has had a hefty sum given to her to buy her ex-husband out of the house she still resides in. At no stage did Dh expect the same amount to be promised to him.

A happy family, enjoying each other is worth a fortune. I would not throw that away for a mere $50,000.00. As other shave siad this has massive potiential to go wrong.
How about PiL put their house on the market, you and dh buy a mutually agreeable house and the family remains happy?!

Don't do it. Just look for a house like everyone does and buy what you like.

You are going to enmeshed with BIL no matter what and that really isn't a great idea.

I have a set of cousins (ie. they are one branch of my family) where the eldest son bought their parents' house. 3 valuations were done and he paid the middle value. This was all agreed, not just with the parents (my uncle and aunt), but also all the siblings. All went well, everyone moved house who needed to and all was sweet for about a year. The other brother then started making noises about how his elder bro had put one over everyone, how he was owed money, all sorts of accusations were made but quietly, as asides to people. This, even while the parents were still alive and contradicted him every time it came to their attention. The son who bought the house had an awful time,as did his wife, as they were always being asked about it. It went on for years.