To not want to promise BiL inheritance cut

[NamingShaming]

This has the potential to be a long one.

I live in London, work four days a week and live with my DH who works full time and our two kids (5,3). I’m retraining (over weekends) and want to quit my job or reduce days. My DH HATES his (on paper v good) job. We think we need a change - even before lockdown we’ve been struggling to enjoy life and I’m the quintessential sitcom mum who arrives sweaty and five mins late to pick up from after school club (pre lockdown days). (My DH does morning drop offs)

Anyway, we are thinking of leaving London to downsize our mortgage because we both want to work less and achieve more balance.

My in-laws who live in what is considered a ‘very nice’ (and this pricey) city want to downsize. I have no passion for this area but I appreciate my DH wants to be nearer his folks and then they can see grandkids who they are great with. (They can’t visit us due to health). They have offered to sell us their house in a private sale for c. £50kless than what is was valued for earlier this year. They think anecdotally it may have gone up in price which in theory would be a shaving off of £100k but then again it’s an anecdotal going up in price.

I asked BiL if he would have any objections to us purchasing house and he said no. I asked if he’d also want to live in same city to be near his folks and he said no but it would be handy having us all in one place for visits. The family gets on v well.

Hes now thought about it and wants to put in contract that when in-laws pass away he gets whatever saving (say it’s £50k) we made on house ring fenced.

AIBU to refuse? I don’t want to tear apart family over £50k but at the same time there is no fixed price of a house and you never actually know how much it would sell for. Other issue is the house is more than we want to pay really and won’t reduce mortgage by THAT much as houses in my area are not going for much at the moment.

DH has suggested we pay for a surveyor and out the in-laws suggested mates rates epics against that and then if it is a saving agree on contract that BiL gets that saving further down the line.
For full disclosure although I do want a change in my life to get more balance I would v likely give up my job int his scenario because - unless lockdown changes wfh rules at my company - I have to be based in London. So for me there is a lot of theoretical money wrapped up in this emotional move.

You need to make the purchase as clean as possible. PILs could give you half the amount to be discounted and gift the equivalent cash to your BIL if all parties agree.

I wouldn’t touch this with a barge pole personally. My grandparents left their house to their 4 sons. My father discussed briefly the scenario of buying his brothers’ shares out in order to develop the plot. Good idea in theory but the thought of potentially making a big profit following redevelopment and facing future family recriminations just wasn’t worth it even though he would have paid the market price. It was just cleaner to sell the house and divy up the proceeds - less fractious all round.

Otherwise, just buy another house.

It sounds fair if Bill gets a similar amount of the discount, ring fenced. You'll probably still get the best bargain as your house will probably have gone up in value anyway.

Your PILs will always have opinions on your decorating choices, decisions to sell, use of rooms etc. NOT worth it for 50 pounds.

Find a different house to buy.

50,000 pounds i mean.

At any price, not worth it.

Stay well away, this will not end well.

Get your PIL to balance your BIL out in their Wills.

Step back and buy another house that you can afford.

You have a lot of things to think about in terms of whether it's a good idea to buy PiL's house or not. But if you do I think it can be done reasonably and your attempt to bring BiL in now to prevent bad feeling in the future only seems to have gone wrong because BiL has taken you at your word, thought about it and realised he might be a bit resentful if he realises you've had a big windfall from them that he hasn't.

And it is a big windfall.

His idea of ring-fencing 50k for him in the will isn't a bad one, though it's very much on the favoring-you end of fair (assuming PiLs are anticipating splitting any estate evenly between the two brothers). You get the money years before BiL does, 50k in 7, 10 or 20 years will likely be worth an awful lot less than 50k now. And that's assuming PiL don't run through all their assets before they die. More reasonably, BiL should get an amount index linked to inflation or something.

You need a few other things as well. For instance: Proper evaluation of the house and a clear idea of likely value, not just real estate pricing to go on the market and, also, the will should probably state that inheritance tax (including on anything given away within 7 years of death) gets paid from the proceeds of the estate before any divvying up so you don't get caught out if they do die soon.

If you want the house then it's probably worth looking further into how to make it fair. But you really need to be sure you want the house.

Bad idea for all the reasons everyone says.

I think you need some proper valuations.

It's your in laws who need to even this up with their will f you are getting the house for a discount, and you all need to be fully aware that by being near your family will be helping your in laws when they got older and your BIL won't.

Honestly though, I wouldn't do it. If you want to downsize your mortgage this won't do that enough. In that case there is no point getting into all this potential resentment.

Don't do it!

Sounds like you can't afford it, even before getting into everything else.

You are clinging on to this as you know you need change but don't have the headspace to know what change you need. PIL have given you an option but it's not what you really want.

You need to massively downsize and reduce mortgage so you can both get new local(?) jobs

Stamp duty due on value not what you are paying ?
Gifted deposit and getting a mortgage ?

Deprivation of assets ?
IHT if they die within 7 years ?

These may not apply but it is complex and specialist advice is needed

I'm sure there's some legislation/caveat that states you can't undersell a property for 'mates rates' so to speak to family. Something about tax implications I think. Look it up OP and if you do decide to proceed, have everything legally and financially checked and checked once more. You do not want any further problems down the line.

Don't do it. It has the potential to go totally tits up

I know a few people who did this and it didn't work out. All reasonable people who had v. good relationships beforehand with DP/IL's etc. It's not worth it.

Your plan is a good one, make life more simple, not more complicated. Go for a house that meets your needs with a nice garden and that you can afford on one salary.

@CasuallyMasculine

A happy family, enjoying each other is worth a fortune. I would not throw that away for a mere $50,000.00.

Is the OP in the US?

That aside, how bizarre to put an actual monetary value on “a happy family”!

My intent there was that you have a happy family - don't throw it away. For anything. Badly expressed by me I grant you.

Can't you look for a house that you can afford that is closer to PiL but not in the same expensive town?

It's nothing to do with BIL. The house doesn't belong to him - his parents could give it away if they wanted to. What a cheek!

You're planning to move to a place you don't particularly like, to live in a house you don't particularly want and give up your job? Are you nuts?

Also, I can completely understand where bil is coming from. In effect your inlaws are gifting you a very large amount of money. Will he get the same?

Get your PIL to balance your BIL out in their Wills

What on Earth makes you think the op has any right to influence what the PIL put in their wills, much less direct them what to put in them? You said ‘get them to...’ not ‘suggest they could...’, ‘ask them to...’ etc.

Such amazing arrogance and entitlement.

If you quit your job, OP, will you husband also be able to reduce his hours? It might foster resentment if he hates his job (as you say) and is forced to become the sole income provider and watch you enjoying your life while he trudges on.

Here's my tuppence worth.

I bought a small house from my parents 12 years ago. They reduced the price to ensure I didn't owe stamp duty. However this depressed the prices in the cul de sac! Honestly after our sale lots of other houses sold for less on our cul de sac. So the general trend for prices on our road had been xyz then was our sale, and from then on it set a new lower prices bench mark for sales. So its effects were far reaching.

It really was not your place to speak to BIL.

If there is any sort of ‘deal’ you will now in effect owe money somewhere down the line to BIL so that negates any discount in the sale price.

You say you are re-training but that you will give up work. If your DH hates his job what will he do instead? Why isn’t he re-training?