To not want to promise BiL inheritance cut

[NamingShaming]

This has the potential to be a long one.

I live in London, work four days a week and live with my DH who works full time and our two kids (5,3). I’m retraining (over weekends) and want to quit my job or reduce days. My DH HATES his (on paper v good) job. We think we need a change - even before lockdown we’ve been struggling to enjoy life and I’m the quintessential sitcom mum who arrives sweaty and five mins late to pick up from after school club (pre lockdown days). (My DH does morning drop offs)

Anyway, we are thinking of leaving London to downsize our mortgage because we both want to work less and achieve more balance.

My in-laws who live in what is considered a ‘very nice’ (and this pricey) city want to downsize. I have no passion for this area but I appreciate my DH wants to be nearer his folks and then they can see grandkids who they are great with. (They can’t visit us due to health). They have offered to sell us their house in a private sale for c. £50kless than what is was valued for earlier this year. They think anecdotally it may have gone up in price which in theory would be a shaving off of £100k but then again it’s an anecdotal going up in price.

I asked BiL if he would have any objections to us purchasing house and he said no. I asked if he’d also want to live in same city to be near his folks and he said no but it would be handy having us all in one place for visits. The family gets on v well.

Hes now thought about it and wants to put in contract that when in-laws pass away he gets whatever saving (say it’s £50k) we made on house ring fenced.

AIBU to refuse? I don’t want to tear apart family over £50k but at the same time there is no fixed price of a house and you never actually know how much it would sell for. Other issue is the house is more than we want to pay really and won’t reduce mortgage by THAT much as houses in my area are not going for much at the moment.

DH has suggested we pay for a surveyor and out the in-laws suggested mates rates epics against that and then if it is a saving agree on contract that BiL gets that saving further down the line.
For full disclosure although I do want a change in my life to get more balance I would v likely give up my job int his scenario because - unless lockdown changes wfh rules at my company - I have to be based in London. So for me there is a lot of theoretical money wrapped up in this emotional move.

Don't buy the house. Buy somewhere which is truly your own. What happens if you redecorate and PIL don't like it? Or if your relationship with DH breaks down? You'll need the house for the kids so he'll have to leave or it will have to be sold and you'll both have to find somewhere else. The bitterness would be enormous. You'll be maxing yourself out financially for somewhere which will never really feel like it's yours.

Buy a different house, it's clear you're not in love with it, move to make your life happier. Ask PIL to sell house on open market and you can take the money then towards new house which will be wherever makes you happy. Then there are no dealings with Bil.

Please don't buy it. Especially not at the moment. Anecdotally I am heading of people seriously struggling to sell their London property anyway- it seems that prices are falling as there's a bit of an exodus out of London at the moment and v few people want to buy in London- so you'd almost certainly be paying more than it's worth anyway.

Just re read your post and realised your ILs are not in London anyway- sorry. In which case I still wouldn't do it- you may struggle to see your house/have to sell it for less than it's worth at the moment meaning it's not worth it financially anyway.

Either buy the house at market value & keep it all above board or buy a different house.

There are complicated tax implications of a sale at undervalue.

TBH I can see it for BIL point of view they are giving you potentially 100k he's getting fuck all .

maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick on this, but if your PIL are giving you a 50-100k discount on their house, they then should leave 50-100k LESS to you/DH in their will? Or gift your BIL the same amount if/when you buy the house.

How is it up to you to give your BIL the "missing" cash when your PIL die?

You're going to end up paying more than you want, and potentially not being able to give up work, to live in a house you don't want in an area you're not bothered about balls deep in an argument with one of the few people you know in that area. Unless there's something really amazing about this house that you've forgotten to mention, I wouldn't bother at all.

Also in the nicest possible way, it's not your place to say yes or no to bil's extra £50k. Although I'd imagine his parents would want to find some way to make it fair.

You do need proper valuations done.

Having said that anything else is between pil and bil, if they agree a price with you that’s between you, unless they test the property on the open market you will never know the true value of the mates rates that you’re getting. It’s not a case of getting a contract, it comes down to what pil put in their will.

Bil could be getting away lightly although he doesn’t realise that yet, having you nearby is worth a lot, you can’t really put a price on it. He gets to swoop in for visit and everyone will be happy to see him, as your pil get older, especially if they are not in good health, they will be in need of support and that will fall to you.

I think you need to do what's best for your kids.
I think buying their old house when you don't want to will make you miserable.
You need to think in terms what's best for your DC.
Plus I bet any money you're going to be the carer as pils get older.So you'll have even less freedom.

I'd buy a house somewhere that you actually want to move too.

This doesn't seem to be solving your problem but bringing you a whole load of new ones.
If your DH hates his job presumably he is/will be looking for a new one -in which case you need to potentially go where jobs are rather than relying on him being able to find another WFH role?

Deliberate deprivation of assets is not a sensible move!

*What on Earth makes you think the op has any right to influence what the PIL put in their wills, much less direct them what to put in them? You said ‘get them to...’ not ‘suggest they could...’, ‘ask them to...’ etc.

Such amazing arrogance and entitlement.*

In fairness the OP does seem very arrogant and entitled, she's the one negotiating with BIL! Shouldn't it be her DH and his DPs?

PIL gave SIL £10k towards her first house and paid for all her wedding. DH got nothing. Yes, they can do what they want with their money but it isn't fair and we think a lot less of them for it.
Your PIL are doing you a massive favour. 'Buying' you maybe? You'll be so beholden. That perk may well come back to haunt you as they age and expect repayment in the way of hands on help.

I totally support your bil in this scenario, why would he happily loose Potential money to support your life style. My mil lent my OH money to get his business going and with a lawyer we all signed an agreement that if she died before we paid it back to her and sell her house, my OH’s brother would get the value of the amount that was lent to us first And then we would then split the rest 50/50

Do you want to:

Give up your job?

Move to an area you don’t want to live in.

Buy a house that’s over budget?

Because I think they are all bigger issues for you than BIL’s request

If it doesn’t reduce your mortgage significantly then is it worth the anguish? Buy another house!

Dont do it OP - YOU arent gaining anything from this.

Your PIL of course want to do it because they want to downsize and your DH has romantic notions that it will solve his issues (it wont) and your BIL is rightly concerned that he is losing money

You do need to figure out a change - this isnt it

I see bil's point - you would essentially be getting a 50k gift from his parents. They shouldn't be burying their heads in the sand and telling you to sort it out yourselves - it's their money/property, so they should take charge of it. I do think it's fair that if they give one son 50k, they ought to do it for both.
I wouldn't touch this with a barge pole for all the reasons listed by pp. It seems like a nice easy solution on the face of it but it really isn't.

Take longer and don't make a massive stressful life change to a house you don't love.

Buying the old family home is fraught with complication. There is little to benefit you. Your PILs should sell it for as much as they can and then - if they wish - give a lump sum to your DH and your BIL. Buy a house without the baggage and complication.

You would only pass on half the value. If your pil gave you £50k and bil wanted it to be fair you would give him £25 not the whole 50. So bil sounds pretty greedy asking for the whole lot.
Plus what if dps parents gave bil a larger inheritance in the will to compensate and you had paid him £25k already? Too complicated!!

Maybe decide first if you even want the house before the summit, but do tell pil and bil that they are amazingly supportive and you appreciate them.

My PILs sold their house to one of their children very cheaply and it's since increased massively in value. When that sister eventually dies her kids will inherit a lot of money, the other children and grandchildren will see nothing,

It certainly hasn't "split" the family but do those not benefiting talk about it and resent it among themselves? Yes, they do.

Another who finds it very odd that the DiL is negotiating with the BiL about the PiLs property!!

Find a different house. Far too complicated, especially if it is their former childhood home.

Is the right answer