Conversation with my lovely dinosaur of a father for anyone that needs a laugh tonight

[PoppyField29]

My dad: "Got a boyfriend yet then love?"
Me: "No Dad, still single"
Dad: "Ah, it would be nice to see you with someone. Have you thought about joining Grindr?"
Me: "You do realise that is a hookup app for gay men, Dad?"
Dad: "Ah. Maybe not then"

OMG .. I'm laughing so much I've got hiccups! 🤣

My mum, watching DS (18 months) pressing the buttons on a toy, 'he does like his knobs doesn't he?"

My fil once told the entire family that my cousins husband was a drug dealer ... big Italian family so gossip travels fast !!! The poor man is the ceo of a drug company !!!! Not sure if all the family ever got the update or still think he’s a wrong Un

When a horse canters it does it with it's legs in a sequence depending on direction, sometimes they get it wrong and are cantering in one sequence with the front legs and the opposite sequence with the back legs. It's called disunited.
One of my friends once shouted over to me that my horse was in a 'Bisexual Canter' he meant disunited. I nearly fell off laughing.
It's forever been known among our horsey friends as bisexual canter from then on!

My mil obviously had something on her mind over lunch one day, and built up to asking about a headline she'd seen in the local paper:
"Would it be a bad thing if a headline said "Vicar Caught Dogging"!

When I was a teenager I had a sweatshirt with a random number 72 printed on it, in a fake-retro kind of way. Anyway, my mum said to me, "What's a 72 then? I know what a 69 is, so what's a 72?"
Just a number, mother, just a number.
(I was also quite disgusted that she thought I would parade around in a top with some kind of coded sexual practice on it).

An elderly lady I looked after told me that she'd given a friend power of " eternity".

Binglebong, I'm glad that I'm not the only one!

I recently had to explain to my sil that a hookup app isn't about meeting naice gentlemen for conversation and outings.

My Nana joined in a conversation about small creepy-crawlies with, "I shudder to think of all these little orgasms getting everywhere."

Jenny McGee interviewed about caring for PM ⬅️ Jenny McGee ICU sister who looked after the PM, talking Bout her mum being interviewed My mother also famously said 'I twiddle with knobs' on one of her interviews and I am getting a lot of stick for that! Thank you mum

My poor DM (RIP) once told me that she’d never even heard of homosexuals until a colleague filled her in - by which time she’d been married for a couple of years.
She didn’t believe it! Had to wait until my DF was home on leave (wartime) to ask him.

Although she’d grown up in the country, she’d had a very good job in central London for a few years - you’d think something might have dawned.
Such innocence, hard to credit it now.

This is such a charming and laugh out loud thread

My Mum came out with a good one at the start of lockdown. We did a video call over WhatsApp with her & my Dad (who could NOT work out how to position the phone so we could see them both, it was brilliant) and as we were about to finish the call she went "This was really good, much better than that Google Hangups thing." I almost died laughing.

She's got previous for this though. Whilst on holiday, she had a go at Skyping me and we had the following conversation:
"So that's the bathroom of the hotel room."
"Yes Mum, I can see on the video."
"That's the view"
"Yes Mum, I can see on the video"
"Oh that's your Dad"
"........really?"

One of my elderly aunts at a family lunch explained to us that her road was ‘much less busy, now they’ve put all those bollocks at the end’ Bollards Aunt, bollards.

Bless them one and all!❤❤❤

*I got you some of that virgin chocolate from Holland and Barrett".

Vegan. I'm vegan, Mum. I haven't been the other thing for decades.*

Oh that reminds me - once I had been out on a Saturday and got vair, vair drunk. So on the Sunday I had a gale force hangover. DM and I used to have a glass of wine while doing Sunday lunch. So she got the bottle out of the fridge and called up the stairs

"Mrs Ashwell, are you staying celibate today????"
"Er yes Mum. The way my head feels, I simply couldn't face it. I don't want any wine either."

My grandad once told me my gran had gone to Holland & Barrett to buy "some more of that sudoku honey". Manuka, grandad!

I think punctuation is okay on a text, perhaps some people try to write them like letters.

My late Mum. DB and I were in the kitchen with her making a cuppa. The water company had been flushing the mains and said there might be water shrimps (small harmless creatures) in the supply. Refilled her water filter jug and there was one of the shrimps. Mother said "Its all the fault of [water company]. DB asked her why - "Well when the water came from.the council it didn't have all these orgasms in it". DB and I were trying very hard not to laugh!! But "I'll have a glass of water" suddenly seems attractive!!

My dad gets confused with his smartphone and regularly replies to text messages on his Facebook status by accident. His current Facebook status reads "gammon lovely thanks dear, just getting your mother some face cream"

Daddy
We get Spotify free for 6 months with the TV, if we want it - do we?
me
It’s a music streaming service so would be nice.
Daddy
Yes!!I know what it is (😤) but is it likely to be of use to your mum and me or is it all this modern hop-hop bop-bop wrapping-paper music???
Does it have the Beatles and Elvis??
me
Yes, it has all the old crap too daddyo

Conversation with Dad last week... (FYI I do like the old crap too :)

@surfergrl

🤣wrapping paper music!!