Conversation with my lovely dinosaur of a father for anyone that needs a laugh tonight

[PoppyField29]

My dad: "Got a boyfriend yet then love?"
Me: "No Dad, still single"
Dad: "Ah, it would be nice to see you with someone. Have you thought about joining Grindr?"
Me: "You do realise that is a hookup app for gay men, Dad?"
Dad: "Ah. Maybe not then"

My ex mil grew up in communist Albania and has never left the country, been online or watched anything made after 1940. We were stood in line for a boat tour and up ahead of us were a female tourist couple. They were holding hands and snogging and mil piped up with "Aww, look at the sisters kissing, how nice that they are so close" 😂😂😂

Pure class.

Liking the Ebay comment too 🤣🤣

This reminds me of a time when I was still young and living back home and my dad was in the bathroom. He yelled downstairs "love can you chuck a durex up?!" He meant Andrex. At least I hope he did, or I don't want to know what he was doing in there. And the walls are paper thin so god knows what the neighbours thought when they heard him. 😂

My own slip up was buying a posh dress, told the lady I wanted "top less" when I meant "strapless" daughters thought it was hilarious, perhaps you had to be there

My parents are quite clued up, although my mother still sometimes says "I think they met off the internet" rather than online.

I did hear a hilarious story of a friend who phoned her mother in floods of tears when her husband was unfaithful and tried using all the correct terminology to make the whole thing less sordid! At the end of the conversation her mother said: "What's fellatio, dear? "

Dm announced to her friends that I'd had an awful time on our holiday to Scotland because "the midgets kept biting Dilbertian. She just seems to attract midgets. Every midget in Scotland was after her."

TBF to my dm, English is her third language.

My teenage son is studying science at A level and hopes for a medical career. My mum (his nannie) called him last last week:
Nannie: “I wanted to ask you a question... I asked Grandad but they didn’t tell him this at St John’s Ambulance training...”
Son: Yeah, ok, what do you want to know?”
Nannie: “Is your bladder connected to your vagina?”
Bless him... I think he’s scarred for life...

My also dinosaur dad referred to the cupboard under the stairs as the “glory hole”.
Oh, I miss him 😕

About a year ago I was chatting to my DF on WhatsApp (he's 71 and quite with it!). He asked me how my DH's 'nob' was! Apparently he meant job and it was a typo but we still giggle about it a lot 🤣

My husband is in the forces and was away for some time. My mum wanted to send him a care package and when discussing what she could and couldn't out in it, she asked if I thought he would like "one of those pawn magazines". Muuuuuuuuuum.

@Dilbertian midgets

Absolute legend!! 😂

My Nan said she had enjoyed watching the 4 fivers. We figured out she meant the 3 tenors

Oh, man... these are some funny stories. 🤣🤣🤣

Was telling my dad that my son had just told us he was gay.
Dad: does he need money?
Me: What for?
Dad: To help with his gender surgery.
Me: He's gay! He doesn't want to become a woman.
Dad: Thank God for that. He'd make a really ugly woman

At a cafe, back when Ali G was big, my mum asked for a ham and cheese punani. She meant a panini - good old mum!

@Mochudhu

My Granny, in her 90s had just got her first ever telly. She wasn't very impressed with it, saying she could never find anything to watch on the VD.

To be fair, she realised immediately what she'd said and burst out laughing. She'd been a nurse in WW1 so wasn't prudish at al.l

Iwannascream, I really wanted you to turn up at your DM's caravan and find that the owner of the site had an ostrich in a field beside your DM's caravan!

HalloumiFries I think that you should drop your DM's Dr a note, asking him not to tell your DM next time that there are no "r's" in prostate - I am still laughing at that that one!

@Dilbertian

Dm announced to her friends that I'd had an awful time on our holiday to Scotland because "the midgets kept biting Dilbertian. She just seems to attract midgets. Every midget in Scotland was after her."

TBF to my dm, English is her third language.

For some reason this just made me laughcry, perhaps because I live in Scotland and they're after me too

Fireflies, I always punctuate my texts, why is that wrong please? (I'm 62)

DPs DM got a smartphone a few years back and asked how to get on Goodle. That's what Google has been known as ever since!
My ds when he was 6 said he was excited to see the Friendly Friday's at a music festival... he meant the Happy Mondays!

Crying at these...

My lovely Mum, no longer with us, was talking about a very well off neighbour who could afford to go to the hairdressers every week.

Mum: 'she doesn't just go for a trim. She has, you know, a proper blow job!

😂

@Bl3ss3dm0m

Fireflies, I always punctuate my texts, why is that wrong please? (I'm 62)

So do I and I'm 34! Checking autocorrect however....

@Norugratsatall

Crying at these...

My lovely Mum, no longer with us, was talking about a very well off neighbour who could afford to go to the hairdressers every week.

Mum: 'she doesn't just go for a trim. She has, you know, a proper blow job!

😂

So that's where I've been going wrong... !