Conversation with my lovely dinosaur of a father for anyone that needs a laugh tonight

[PoppyField29]

My dad: "Got a boyfriend yet then love?"
Me: "No Dad, still single"
Dad: "Ah, it would be nice to see you with someone. Have you thought about joining Grindr?"
Me: "You do realise that is a hookup app for gay men, Dad?"
Dad: "Ah. Maybe not then"

@HappyTuesdays oh yes
"Do you like mums new hair?"
Well if the camera wasn't facing up your nose, I might have an opinion...

DHs elderly uncle always used to send my DDs money for Christmas and they would then write him a nice letter saying what they had bought. He called up very puzzled upon receiving DD1's letter where she had written that she had bought a "Busted" DVD! "Why did she buy one that was broken? " 😂 Had obviously never heard of them!

@QueenPaws yy! Like, it's a camera isn't it? So you must be seeing everything I can ... No.

My ex's 80 year old granny once exclaimed rather loudly in a store while shopping "where can I find that clit bang??"... Cilit Bang, Gran...

@LilyLongJohn

My Dad asked me if I used twitface

I LOVE that!! 🤣

OP: I wish your dad was my dad too!! 🌹

@Mochudhu

My Granny, in her 90s had just got her first ever telly. She wasn't very impressed with it, saying she could never find anything to watch on the VD.

I remember my mother once telling a friend that one of us had been off school with VD. Fortunately she then added (you know, vomiting and diarrhoea)

My ex husbands gran used to tell us that the Jemima's Witnesses had been round

Fabulous! Please tell him that he made lots of people laugh.😄

Reminds me of when I was suffering from hay fever and my mum told me to take amphetamines... think she meant antihistamines
Miss her randomness

My DM could never get the hang of the name of Prince Harry's wife, always referred to her has "that Merkel " - Markle, Mum, Markle.

Merkel put images in my head that I really didn't want there.

My dad sends me lovely texts and I always enjoy the way he formats them, as if it's an email.

Dear unmarkedby that

How are you today? Mum and I have been doing all our ironing. I might go for a walk later on if it doesn't rain.

Love from
Dad

Talking about Ali G. Slightly confused look from Da.
"She's too skinny I think"
That's Ally McBeal he was thinking of.

My late mum, called me from her caravan to tell me she had just seen an Ostrich run past the window, when I queried what she had said whilst laughing she was so adamant that it was an Ostrich and wouldn't have it that it was either a Grouse or a Pheasant, I had to hang up as I couldn't speak to her for laughing. I travelled to see her that weekend armed with printed photographs of an Ostrich, Pheasant and Grouse and even she laughed when she realised her mistake. Oh I miss my mum and her funny conversations.

When I had dd my df was shocked her eyes were open..
He was sure dc were a few weeks old before their eyes opened..
No df that's kittens.

Dh was asking me if I'd heard a song, he couldn't remember the name or the artist but was sure it was Bin Man something, I was totally flummoxed until the song came on the TV, it was RagnBoneMan!

My gran, talking about my cousin

"Sarah's away to an orgy tonight"

That was an interesting discussion!

@unmarkedbythat That reminds me of my nan's voicemails. She would start off with "Hello stripyhorse I didn't know you would be out.." and end with "Speak to you soon, Love Nanna".

She worked in an office for years and would have had to leave voicemails but you would never have known it!

@Backtoschoolnotsoonenough

When I had dd my df was shocked her eyes were open.. He was sure dc were a few weeks old before their eyes opened.. No df that's kittens.

I made the same mistake when I was about six and friends of my parents had a baby. In my defence our dog had had puppies not too long before so naturally I thought human babies didn't open their eyes for a few days either!

My df had a dc though - me!!

@StripyHorse I love that :)

A colleagues very elderly mother had a visit from her gay grandson and his fiancé.
She turned to them and said 'what do you people eat?!'
As if there was a special gay diet 😂😂😂

@TroysMammy

When the Beckhams had their daughter Harper my DM said "it's one of those bisexual names". Unisex Mother, unisex. The other day she text me that my Dad needed an anagram for his heart and was having a hospital appointment about his prostrate.

Similarly here, my mum kept talking about y dad's prostrate until the doctor told her there was no r in prostate. You've guessed it, she now makes the effort to pronounce it postate. She won't be deterred because "the doctor said so, and he should know". She also once told me about her friend Joan having a double vasectomy.

Back in the early 2000s when such technology and terminology was briefly a thing, mum went crazy at my Dbro because she'd overheard us talking about how he was going to borrow some of my cds and burn them.

It's not just the older generation. In work about 20 years ago my sister and I were discussing the Ozzy Osborne documentary on the night before and saying he looked ill. A colleague in her late 20's piped up "Aw which one is that? Little Jimmy?" Somehow I don't think the Osmonds were in Black Sabbath.

Not me but a friend: her dad phoned her during the 2012 Olympics, very excited about how well ‘that Mo Mowlam’ had done. That would be Mo Farah...

Some of these are so funny.

My MILs mum was a lovely lady and shortly before she died aged 105 I went to see her with MIL. First thing she said to me was “Oh hello dear, you haven’t lost any weight. Did you want to?” I am quite overweight. MIL was mortified!