Conversation with my lovely dinosaur of a father for anyone that needs a laugh tonight

[PoppyField29]

My dad: "Got a boyfriend yet then love?"
Me: "No Dad, still single"
Dad: "Ah, it would be nice to see you with someone. Have you thought about joining Grindr?"
Me: "You do realise that is a hookup app for gay men, Dad?"
Dad: "Ah. Maybe not then"

My friend's mum met her new neighbours, two women living together, and told my friend that two Elizabethan's had moved in next door. She meant lesbians.

My gem of a FIL also once informed us that Madonna was marrying Lionel Ritchie, and that my husband's cousin was a car worker (she was actually a care worker!).

My dad has a problem with autocorrect when he texts. In response to a photo I sent him I got the reply: “very grammatically contrast. Ilkeston it.”

@TroysMammy, I really laughed at your post. Epic

very funny!! Xx

Such a lovely thread.

Your dad has made my week

Brilliant 😁

Pushing my mum in her wheelchair around B&Q whilst paint shopping , she very loudly asked a passing assistant where the durex paint was .... Dulux mother, Dulux!

My Granny, in her 90s had just got her first ever telly. She wasn't very impressed with it, saying she could never find anything to watch on the VD.

Durex paint. Christ alive that’s funny
Don’t think you’d find Durex colour chart in farrow & ball

My Dad asked me if I used twitface

I think your dad called it right

Are you Bridget Jones OP?

My sister’s elderly neighbour had her living room decorated, and invited sis in to see her new “dildo rail”!
DSis was in fits imagining such a thing, and was greatly disappointed to find only a boring dado rail...

I think I’m the dinosaur ds was showing me a reddit post, and my brain just didn’t click with the OP writing “my wife” in the context.. I read it a couple of times before ds was like “duh mum lesbians”

Love these

@birkenstocks4ever I love it

When I was looking for a new nanny, my mum suggested I put an ad on Gluebook.

Half Gumtree (gum=glue)
Half Facebook.

Love her brain

Madonna and Lionel Ritchie

My mum, sending a text "sorry for your loss. LOL"
Me "WTF don't send that!"
Mum "it means lots of love!"

My dad has just discovered FaceTime and every call now is a bloody FaceTime one

My dad uses James and David Cameron interchangeably.

We held off announcing that we were expecting DC2 to my parents because we thought it would be even better to tell them at Christmas.

We said something along the lines of 'Oooh, we do have another surprise for you but it won't be here for another 6 months...'

My DM - 'Oh. Why? Is it from Amazon?'

It took a good few minutes for the penny to drop...

My grandmother insisted my cousin's new boyfriend worked in a porn shop "I'm not sure how appropriate that is". . Turned out it was a jewellery and pawn shop.

These are so lovely and wholesome. My dad still hasn't got the hang of facetime - it's all 'talk to the knee/talk to the mouth' - I mean, he actually holds it against said body parts. Possibly the most memorable was when he held it to his ear - I could hear his voice, but all I could see was the inside of his ear and he just kept rabitting on while I was yelling 'GET THE CAMERA OUT OF YOUR EAR DAD'.

It was Christmas, we had finished dinner and so of course it was time for Mum to give everyone a Terry's Chocolate Orange.
Except me. I got told "I hope you'll like this. I got you some of that virgin chocolate from Holland and Barrett".

Vegan. I'm vegan, Mum. I haven't been the other thing for decades.