Conversation with my lovely dinosaur of a father for anyone that needs a laugh tonight

[PoppyField29]

My dad: "Got a boyfriend yet then love?"
Me: "No Dad, still single"
Dad: "Ah, it would be nice to see you with someone. Have you thought about joining Grindr?"
Me: "You do realise that is a hookup app for gay men, Dad?"
Dad: "Ah. Maybe not then"

My friend who is 78 and not internet savvy at all has an iPhone. He Always puts the phone to his ear when FaceTiming. No amount of telling him that you put it I. Front of you, seems to work.

My MiL (82) struggles with the texting autocorrect.

She sent me a text stating: " I love dick" 😳

This was in response to a previous message I had sent telling her what we were having for dinner. ( Duck) 😁

@BrigitsBigKnickers

My MiL (82) struggles with the texting autocorrect.

She sent me a text stating: " I love dick" 😳

This was in response to a previous message I had sent telling her what we were having for dinner. ( Duck) 😁

Crying.

Dear old Mum... we tried correcting her on this one but it didn't work.

If they had a long drive to go and visit someone, my Mum would say...

'Rou, did I tell you, we're going to see Stan and Beryl on Thursday? Your dad's not looking forward to the drive, it's such a wank down to Devon'

😂

Leoving these......

My lovely MIL lived with us for 18 months before dementia made residential care the only safe option. In the early months she was still pretty much her old self personality wise - I'd known her about five years at this point and we got on really well. Our rental house at that time was big, and we shared with a several other people, adult children and a couple of friends. Between us all we had ALOT of stuff, and we were discussing how we needed to have a bit of a cull. She turned round to me absolutely deadpan and said "So, OldQueen, how long HAVE you been whoring?". There was obviously hilarious uproar.... she meant hoarding of course.......

Shopping for my DDad and SM at the beginning of Covid while they were shielding and it was taking a while to get their online shopping sorted, my Dad not only provided me with a very comprehensive and detailed list of their weekly requirements, but a groundplan of their local Sainsbury's so I could procure it all in the most efficient manner. Gotta love an ex matelot .

Brilliant thread OP. These are so funny 😂

When I was growing up we lived in the middle of nowhere. Mountains, ponds, forests etc
I came home from school and was met with, “What the hell have you been doing now? I got the shock of my life earlier when I saw that thing looking at me in the kitchen”.

What thing?

“You know that crocodile. Stop bringing these creatures home”

😵🤔

I found the crocodile later. It was a newt - Phew! 😂😂😂

My Nana was queen of these. "He's got to have an operation because his tentacles haven't come down yet" was probably the best.

@ringinginmyhead

Reminds me of when I was suffering from hay fever and my mum told me to take amphetamines... think she meant antihistamines Miss her randomness

Was she a child of the 60s?

Aw, bless him.
He's looking out for you, what a lovely Dad.

When staying there, my mum referred to my 'weird foreign muck, needs using up, Presto'....
Meaning Pesto.

From MiL: "That singer,you know, American royalty".

Elvis Presley.

And my mum: favourite starter was corn proctail. Very posh!

There are some corkers here! Very funny. Reminds me of my dear mum who once said to my dad 'Oh X, I keep forgetting - are we homosexual or heterosexual?' It's gone into family folklore now.

My mum (she's only 53) cannot handle her iPhone at all. We FaceTimes each other and the first few minutes is alway "oh hang on, I can't see you" then muffled noises, then she'll appear looking down at the phone that she has led down on the table / put the phone right up against her eye or she'll bellow "HANG ON I CANT HEAR YOU" then muffled noises and "say something" then "HANG ON, IM GETTING YOUR DAD." My dad then takes 2 seconds to sort it out. I have no idea what she does but it's been this way for the last 2 years or so.

As a teen I was fan of Pink was trying to explain who she was to my dad.
For my birthday a few weeks later he proudly presented me with tickets "for that colour - band you like." He gave me 2 tickets to go and see Blue 😂
Finally figured out the confusion and got the response of "I knew I was a colour"

Teaching my parents to text: DM manages "This is my first text. Love Nun". Long pause from dad, until he asks where the comma is. "Why do you need a comma in a text dad?" He'd written "Dear Fireflies" and needed a comma to punctuate it properly, obviously

My dear departed grandad couldn't tell the difference between electronic appliances, especially once my uncle persuaded him to get a VCR to record programmes he liked. He basically used the words video/microwave/cd player/computer etc interchangeably! No grandad, you can't heat up your dinner in the video.

MiL once tried to make a sarcastic retort (can't remember what the original conversation was) but got a bit mixed up and asked "Is the Pope Jewish?"

We all fell about laughing and the story was repeated so much that some time later, she tried the same line but said she wanted to get it right this time, "is it something about going to the woods?"

Which is why the phrase "Does the Pope shit in the woods?" is now a standard thing in our family.

My DD loved cuddling muslin squares when she was a baby.

Bumped into my elderly neighbour & stopped for a chat, DD in her pram, hugging her muzzie.

NDN (all fondly): 'Oh, she does love cuddling those Muslims, doesn't she'.

I know it sounds like I've made it up, but I thought I was going to explode through trying not to laugh.

Oh, Bless them. 💐🍫🍷🍺

Those querying how dad knew about Grindr - if he really did ‘know’ he wouldn’t be making the mistake of suggesting it as a way to find her a boyfriend. Dad’s probably not got a dirty secret after all.

OP did you Dad mean Tinder?

My late mum thought her migraines might be triggered by caffeine, so took to drinking decapitated coffee.

When they moved house, she loved having a futility room.

Years ago when I’d bruised my arm a dear friend suggested I try anthrax on it. Then handed me some arnica 😅

This is brilliant!!!
I remember my nan going for her eye test and proudly telling us she had to get some bisexual glasses... of course she meant bifocal bless her but it made me absolutely howl!

So, either you or your DAd we’re watching Lodgers for Codgers on C4, as that was the exact conversation between Two of the people on the show last Friday...