This mum and children

[Waterlamp]

Why do some mums want to be the centre of attention then pass it onto their child? Do they pass it onto their child on purpose or not?

Said mum is the smiley, over confident talks to everyone, PTA mum. Child is in the centre of all class photos, the dance shows, invited to all the parties. I've always thought how happy they must be inside but the children of hers are actually jealous of friendships, have to be the centre of attention at parties and in private other mums say how much trouble the children actually cause and how the mum is ott. The mum went out of her way to discuss an arrangement for a play date that involved her child and another infront of me, it was very blatant and I thought this is where they must get it from. These children are quite popular and the mum doesn't have private one on one convos at the school gates she has to be extra loud and let everyone hear the convo. I thought it was confidence but actually is it insecurity? Is it the mean girls film affect where everyone thinks they want to be with the popular one but doesn't actually like them that much? Are their mums like this at your schools? Why do they feel the need to be so extra

*there

Some people are like that. If you really don't like it just start blanking her. But that's a bit mean.
Just be polite where needed and don't invite her children to anything if you really don't like them.

I'm not sure what your AIBU is.

It sounds as though this mum is outgoing and confident - this might not be a personality type you identify with (I'm very quiet and reclusive so I can understand that) but I can't see that she has done anything wrong.

I don't understand why it's an issue for her to discuss her child's social arrangements in front of you - surely that's just a day to day conversation that anyone might have.

If it's true that others are talking unpleasantly about her behind her back, I feel sorry for her. You should distance yourself from that kind of childish, nasty behaviour. If other parents have an issue with her children's behaviour, they should speak to her directly like adults.

Some people are more outgoing than others. It seems feasible that an outgoing mum might produce an outgoing child. I am not sure what the issue is.

Some of her behaviour sounds oblivious or unkind. Just smile and move on, no need to engage with that.

What's wrong with being smiley, talking to everyone, being on the PTA and 'over-confident'? It just sounds like you're jealous and don't like her.

Maybe my head is too busy (I am not saying this as compliment) but i am friendly to school parents and that's it I don't have the energy of who said what to who I left that in school myself. Parents talk about their kids and I have no issue on hearing about things not concerning us

There’s a difference between being an outgoing person and a person who has to be the centre of EVERRRRRRYTHING.

Most people follow because they are loud and know any conversation they have about them will also be broadcast - so they make sure it can only be good stuff!

Don't invite kids to events you organise.

Don't approach in the playground and chat.

Don't offer time for PTA (ime they love the power of turning those not worthy down whilst complaining in front of those people no one helps and how much work it is blah blah!)

Ask teacher outright at parents evening if someone different will get the lead in X this year? Don't be accusations or confrontational but let it be known it hasn't gone unnoticed.

If one person starts to turn the tide others often follow.

And no they often aren't confident. Not uncorked they necessarily but they do seek validation for their every breathe within the school grounds!

Popular isn't always bad. Just sometimes.

So here we are again with one mum ripping down another. This is why mother's fear the school gate, because there is always someone ready to judge you.

Why do we do this to each other?

What exactly is over-confident? Do you prefer to people to be timid and retiring?
If you don't like her kids, don't invite them. But why is it 'blatant' to make arrangements for a playdate in front of you? That's just normal conversation.
You sound jealous and aggrieved. You could always pull your finger out and get on the PTA yourself.

Completely agree with @Pelleas. Tbh you sound like a relative of mine who is hugely critical of confident women, declaring them overconfident and attention seeking as you have. Just like her, I suspect this is a lot more to do with your own lack of confidence which comes out as resentment of other women.

You talk about the dc being the centre of all class photo’s, the dance shows, invited to all the parties as though this somehow proves your view of her but she’s not actually in a position to ensure these things for her dc, is she? Really, all that shows is that she’s raising confident, sociable children and tbh if they really were as badly behaved as you suggest I think it’s unlikely they’d be getting invited to all these parties so I take that with a large pinch of salt.

You don’t like her, fine but it’d be a lot healthier to concentrate on your own life and dc than spend time judging and resenting her and her family.

Genetics. Engaging and influential people can tend to have engaging and influential children.

I think some people base their self esteem on their social status and yes children probably do pick up on the fact that popularity is very important. Naturally those kids are going to be more jealous about friendships because it's so important to them to be considered popular.

I don't think you should pay it much attention though, if your kids have a nice group of friends then I wouldn't concern yourself with whether they're always invited to parties or star of the dance show etc.

To be fair to OP it sounds like she misused the word confident. This woman sounds loud and attention seeking which is a different thing. You can be confident without being obnoxious or unkind.

@Reallybadidea

Yep

Thank goodness my dd is off to secondary school tomorrow. I so won't miss the PTA Moms with their kids who always get the starring role in xmas plays etc.

It doesn't always pass on! My mum is hugely outgoing. She is obnoxious loud, confident and loves to be the centre of attention wherever she goes. She throws a huge party for the smallest occasion and thrives on attention.

When I was little my mum signed me up for everything: swimming, drama, music lessons, ballet, Rainbows. She encouraged me to be like her but it never rubbed off. She still brings up the fact that my nursery teacher told her I'd rather play by myself than in a group, and she complained that I always had my nose in a book when I was a child. Even now as a 30 year old I only have two close friends, and I see them separately because they don't know each other.

I couldn't even bear to be the centre of attention on my wedding day so DH (who feels the same was as me) and I flew 3000 miles away and eloped.

@PicsInRed

Genetics. Engaging and influential people can tend to have engaging and influential children.

YES. ^ THIS EXACTLY.

Confident people aren't usually excessively loud and attention seeking. If you are self confident then you don't need to seek attention/validation etc from others.

This woman sounds loud and attention seeking which is a different thing.

Does she though @HandfulofDust? Because although Op has certainly framed it that way, objectively all she’s really saying is that she could hear the womans conversation at the school gates. She can accuse her of ‘deliberately’ this and ‘going out of her way’ that but she can’t actually know the woman’s intentions and given how loud and busy drop off/pick up is usually, it’s not unusual that some people speak loudly.

I say usually because of course schools have been pretty much closed for months (even if she’s in Scotland they’re only open a couple of weeks) and there hasn’t been a lot in the way of dance classes, parties and class photos for over 5 months! So to have been stewing over this non issue for that amount of time tells me that the problem here is with the OP.

At least she isn't bitching about you on a parenting website.

I think you and the other mums bitching about her and her children behind her back quite unpleasant and more of a problem than someone being happy and enthusiastic.

You don't have to like everyone OP - maybe she thinks you're unnecessarily judgy, who knows