This mum and children

[Waterlamp]

Why do some mums want to be the centre of attention then pass it onto their child? Do they pass it onto their child on purpose or not?

Said mum is the smiley, over confident talks to everyone, PTA mum. Child is in the centre of all class photos, the dance shows, invited to all the parties. I've always thought how happy they must be inside but the children of hers are actually jealous of friendships, have to be the centre of attention at parties and in private other mums say how much trouble the children actually cause and how the mum is ott. The mum went out of her way to discuss an arrangement for a play date that involved her child and another infront of me, it was very blatant and I thought this is where they must get it from. These children are quite popular and the mum doesn't have private one on one convos at the school gates she has to be extra loud and let everyone hear the convo. I thought it was confidence but actually is it insecurity? Is it the mean girls film affect where everyone thinks they want to be with the popular one but doesn't actually like them that much? Are their mums like this at your schools? Why do they feel the need to be so extra

Yes Waterlamp...its horrid to see. My daughters so called "friend" with the Mum like this, wouldnt allow my daughter to be friends with anyone else, but when she wanted to drop her, she did, thus leaving my daughter with no friends outside the favoured group. This girl had whole weekend birthday parties with different events and all the girl's in the class's whole life centred round this girl. It was sad to watch. However, it does get better. As they grow up the realise what a pain it is centering your whole life around the one girl and they all start to break away. This girl is 18 now and hardly has any friends.

Thankyou @Orchidsindoors it's quite surprising how nasty people can be on this post. Yes I said she is smiley that's great, that's really kind etc but it's getting where actually there's a side motive just for the child to be the best and making the child grow up to be bitchy and the centre of attention, no not by being smiley it's more than that and it's exactly like the mean girls film, I'm surprised how many of you have took the post wrong. I suppose its OK for the child to grow up having to be the best and most popular no matter who gets taken down because that's what it's like and I do think it is from the mum, hence why I said this mum went out her way to arrange a play date infront of me and no I'm not being childish have a play date have 4 that's fine but she was doing it in a panicked way and felt the need to keep repeating infront of me how her child and another child would play just because my child had played with this other child the day before, I know that sounds petty I'm just trying to explain, I wasn't bothered but it's an eye roll of grow up and this is why your kid is not turning out that friendly. Not that difficult to understand

You sound really unpleasant about this woman and her children for nothing more than apparent social success - if everyone really does find her children trouble, then why are they also invited to all the parties? There’s a contradiction there.

Your long list of her deficits is a touch of the green eyed monster, methinks.

Are you a bit jealous? You sound like a limp stick of celery hoping that the carrot about to be used in the soup is rotten.

Grow up, OP. You don't like confident, outgoing, popular people, adult or child, we get that. And when some posters pointed that out, you dripfed that this woman encourages her children to cheat if they're not winning at sports day, and that her children are 'nasty' to their peers in some unspecified way.

None of that appears to be your beef with this woman and her children, though. Your original post accuses the parent only of being smiley, talking to everyone, and in the PTA, and the child/ren of being popular and invited to all the parties.

If I said these things about someone, I would mean them as a compliment. I like confident, sociable people, and as I work FT with a long commute and don't have much free time, I'm always very grateful that other parents volunteer for the PTA and other school roles.

Oh God the more you post the more I pity you OP.

Let it go. So you're not as popular as this woman and nor is your DC.

So what? You'll end up in an early grave with all this angst and bitterness.

@HandfulofDust

To be fair to OP it sounds like she misused the word confident. This woman sounds loud and attention seeking which is a different thing. You can be confident without being obnoxious or unkind.

Yep, and you can be very confident without being the slightest bit noisy. People often assume that quieter people are really anxious and insecure.

Hmm OK to the previous comments. If I didn't like that why do I admire strong and happy people, why do I say women are beautiful without feeling jealous, I make effort and like her posts even when I know her and her children are actually bitchy and me me me, yet she rarely likes my stuff especially if it's a popular post but that's me being the nasty one, oh and I suppose Im yet again immature for talking about Facebook. You don't know these people so really why would you know the truth more than me when loads of people can see it how it is in real life? Self centered mum and daughter who have to claw everyone in by over inviting and being in everyone's business are not actually that nice, surprise. Why is that drip feeding I've gave a full picture, some get that and the others well maybe you're abit.....

There are families like this in every school. All you can do is let it fly over your head.

My advice to you would be to stop fixating on her.

Are you a bit on the spectrum or something?

Disablism is alive and kicking on Mumsnet.

Why does it affect you so much?

Do you feel excluded?

Do you really want to be included?

Just enjoy your life and keep modelling good values to your children. Ignore with pleasantness this woman and her daughter.

I make effort and like her posts even when I know her and her children are actually bitchy and me me me, yet she rarely likes my stuff especially if it's a popular post but that's me being the nasty one, oh and I suppose Im yet again immature for talking about Facebook. You don't know these people so really why would you know the truth more than me when loads of people can see it how it is in real life? Self centered mum and daughter who have to claw everyone in by over inviting and being in everyone's business are not actually that nice, surprise. Why is that drip feeding I've gave a full picture, some get that and the others well maybe you're abit.....

You're really embarrassing yourself now, OP. Your list of this woman's 'sins' include that you 'make the effort' to like her social media posts (the effort is, what, clicking?), but she doesn't always like yours? And she and her child 'over-invite'? What? Maybe they just like having people around. Is your issue that she doesn't invite your child, or something?

What would you like to happen -- for her to stop being smiley, stop being in the PTA, only speak one to one at the school gate, and never invite anyone on a playdate? Or for a giant foot to emerge from the skies and crush her? Because it doesn't sound as if she can do anything right.

You’re actually liking her stuff on Facebook when you hate her, OP. Do you know how sad that is?

Please for your own sanity delete and block her on FB.

From this post alone it sounds like you're envious of this mum and the fact that her children get the main opportunities which I can understand. I do not like overly loud and obnoxious people, it makes me very uncomfortable but that is definitely a me problem.

Maybe this mum's whole world is her children and that's why everything she talks about revolves around them. If you really don't like this person that much, why not just look the other way? I don't understand why you took to a public forum to try and shame this person?

You can't complain about people being mean towards yourself when you're not exa tly painting the nicest picture of yourself.

@FatCatThinCat

Are you a bit on the spectrum or something?

Disablism is alive and kicking on Mumsnet.

That's an awful comment. I am autistic and find people that make these remarks so insulting.

...even when I know her and her children are actually bitchy and me me me...

Have you read what you've posted here? I'm struggling to believe this was started with the best intentions TBH.

You're sticking up for someone that is pushing her children to have to be the best and not actually be nice to other kids and just be happy in herself. I honestly have my own children to look after, how wrong you all are apart from the ones that actually get it. No problem have a nice day and I hope your children don't have to be a part of this clique that it will turn into at secondary school

Our kids all go to school as well. We all encounter alpha mums and popular kids, social climbers and show offs...the difference is, most of us can cope with it.
You sound enraged. I’m afraid this is your problem.

OP, can I ask in all seriousness, are you a reasonably socially-confident person, or do you struggle in day to day interactions?

Oh and just to add, we all ‘get it’.

Smiling, talking to everyone (so not excluding or playing favorites I assume) and volunteering for the school . . . . . she doesn't sound like she can be too bad. And to be fair, when it comes to class plays and dance recitals etc it's hugely preferable to have a smiling confident child in the lead role, rather than a sullen nervous child who might struggle. And equally, I'd much rather invite a smiley confident child to a party, even if I had to rein them in a bit, than a sullen nervous one . . . . my DD had one such friend who sat glowering through two parties and refused to participate in (perfectly normal) activities saying she was too scared. In fact she was the one who sucked in all the attention (purposefully I'm pretty sure) as we all danced around her to try and cheer her up and get her to engage in something - it almost seemed like a badge of honor for her to not have a good time, my DD was a bit upset. Anyway, needless to say we struck her off the list for this last party. It's just the way of the world that a lot of people want to be around cheerful chatty adults and children. There's no point resenting anyone for that.

Wait, you've got her as a Facebook friend??

Why?

And to further add, I have one who’s been through secondary school, one that’s currently at secondary school and one that is starting secondary school next year. You’re not imparting any new information here...some of us have been where you are now and more than once. Hence we actually get it. More so than you, even.
Get a grip.

Just ignore. She'll wear herself out eventually. This was me - PTA member, parent governor - bloody exhausting. Glad they are now in high school.

some of us have been where you are now and more than once. Hence we actually get it.

Of course, maybe we're the smiley, confident PTA member with the popular child?