This mum and children

[Waterlamp]

Why do some mums want to be the centre of attention then pass it onto their child? Do they pass it onto their child on purpose or not?

Said mum is the smiley, over confident talks to everyone, PTA mum. Child is in the centre of all class photos, the dance shows, invited to all the parties. I've always thought how happy they must be inside but the children of hers are actually jealous of friendships, have to be the centre of attention at parties and in private other mums say how much trouble the children actually cause and how the mum is ott. The mum went out of her way to discuss an arrangement for a play date that involved her child and another infront of me, it was very blatant and I thought this is where they must get it from. These children are quite popular and the mum doesn't have private one on one convos at the school gates she has to be extra loud and let everyone hear the convo. I thought it was confidence but actually is it insecurity? Is it the mean girls film affect where everyone thinks they want to be with the popular one but doesn't actually like them that much? Are their mums like this at your schools? Why do they feel the need to be so extra

Why do some mums want to be the centre of attention then pass it onto their child? Do they pass it onto their child on purpose or not?

Mmmm tough one.

Do you think your DC will grow up to hide behind an anonymous name on an internet forum and dissect the personalities of other school mums and their children?

Is it a confidence thing for you or insecurity?

This mum doesn't sound over-confident, OP. You cite her bad behaviour as basically smiling at everyone and talking to everyone - which is the opposite of mean girls! Oh, and arranging one playdate when you could hear.

She presumably doesn't choose the lead in the school play, and if her children are hard work, why does everyone like them?

Maybe stop being intimidated by her and strike up a conversation. Or don't. But stop assuming she is doing things to irk you rather than just being herself.

@SoupDragon

Drops the mic!

Watch Motherland OP, either Netflix or iPlayer, can’t remember which. There’s always one UberMummy. She probably can’t help herself. I’m the shy retiring type so actually, am dead happy to “hand over” to them.

I genuinely don't know how people have the time to assess people like this. Particularly at the moment with so many other things to worry about.

Said mum is the smiley, over confident talks to everyone, PTA mum.

So she smiles, talks to people, and helps raise money for the school? Absolutely shocking behaviour!

Child is in the centre of all class photos, the dance shows, invited to all the parties.

When it comes to photos and shows, the children usually stand where the adult tells them to. And invited to parties too? Clearly unreasonable behaviour. How very dare they!

I’ve been doing the school circuits for years, you always get one ‘Queen Bee’.

Reading this thread reminds me how much I do not miss the school gate ...phew !

Unless the OP names her on MN, or reveals identifying information, it's perfectly fine to discuss her here. This place would be empty if no one here ever talked about anyone else.
There are some people who inveigle themselves into the centre of everything. On another thread there's a CF parent allowing her child to invite themselves to the OP's house - these kids come from parents who encourage them to believe they are entitled to be in the middle of everything.

Deny as you will but these threads always seem to reek of jealousy.

I've always admired people who do things like PTA. I'd never bother myself (too much effort). The more you put yourself out there, the more people see of you to criticise.

I've had 4 kids - I have noticed over the years that the kids who get leading roles in school productions are often the children of the parents at the centre of the PTA or who make costumes. It appears to be a bit transactional. Of course it's easy to always put the loud, confident child at the crntre, but this sometimes comes at the expense of kids who are shy but would benefit from the confidence boost of being the lead or those less confident in pushing themselves forward. Or the kids whose parents can't be quite do involved. Those kids need it more than the ones who are already self assured.

She is bringing her children up to be confident and popular, which is mostly a good thing. My mum is quiet and introverted and we are mostly like her, whereas my cousin is an only and her mum always pushed her and 'promoted' her want of a better word. I think it's good to bring up kids as confident, as long as you don't hurt other people in the process.

I don't get the issue about discussing play dates. Should it be some kind of a huge secret? I have a neighbour who has a child in my daughter's class and we often have a 'should we let them have a play date tonight' conversation at the school gates and we certainly don't whisper it just in case no one can hear!

Your jealousy of this woman and her (popular) dc is really unattractive. Worry about yourself and your own child. I bet you child goes to her child’s party if invited and if this woman like and included you more, you wouldn’t have an issue.

I'm dealing with a similar issue with a Mum. I think a lot of commenters have misunderstood your post. A (fake) friend of mine sees friendships as a competition - between the children and well as the adult friendships. There's a lot of manipulation of groups - who's invited and who's not. If I talk to someone or meet up with someone and she finds out - I know there will be some kind of 'punishment' coming my way from her.

I don't think that was normal for her to plan the meet-up with another Mum in front of you. It was done to make you feel left out and anxious. She probably plays friendships off against each other? Triangulates? It stems from her own insecurity about not being liked or being left out herself. She wants to control people and friendship dynamics so that her child (and herself) remain popular and the mums feel they are competing for her attention.

You need to distance yourself. Find a couple of Mum's who are not engaged in that group and work on those friendships.

Could be insecurity. Or lack of social skills. Or narcissistic personality.

Some people crave attention. As in they need it to feel ok.

Just ignore her and don’t have her kids over to play.

Typical mumsnet 🍿 where no one is even obnoxious or an ass, everyone possesses only lovely qualities and are just different and OPs can only be jealous

I never met a mum like that. Just lucky (for her).

@blarrr yes this exactly but obviously it comes across as jealousy. She is in everyone's face and no she isn't doing a great job making her kids have to be the best in everything and nasty to other children but I suppose that's ok on mumsnet

Oh and excourages her kids to cheat I gf they are not winning in sports day it's just self obsession and not everyone wants to have it rammed in their faces especially when it starts affecting the children when those kids start being nasty because them and their mum think they are queen bee.

OP, this I just a mean and nasty thread.

@Nosebogey

There’s a difference between being an outgoing person and a person who has to be the centre of EVERRRRRRYTHING.

Yes this entirely. Exactly the things can be annoying if done in a performative way, that might be just fine if done more naturally. It is so hard to explain but you can feel it when it happens.

I have a 2 year old and I honestly can’t imagine being drawn in to this nonsense when he starts school. It amazes me the amount of drama that seems to happen at school gates - surely it’s a 5 min job of dropping them off and waving goodbye? Then rushing off to work or whatever? How does so much drama happen in this time?

@Waterlamp The children of the Mum I mention above also makes her children feel as if they need to the best and first at everything. I used to give her child lifts to a sports class, and she was obsessed with being first in the queue and better than my daughter. She bossed my daughter around and put her down. Her parents were putting so much pressure on her to be the best, and she was not happy. She was actually an insecure, sensitive child, despite the confident exterior, who got very upset when she wasn't first at things (and mean!). She would burst into tears, a lot, over very little.