Need a sanity check here (have name-changed so this isn't linked to other threads as I may be identifiable here)
A couple of weeks ago, DD(14) and I went to a thrift shop. I had given her some money to spend. She came up to me holding a T-Shirt balled up in her hands so I couldn't see the design, saying she was going to buy it.
Once she had bought it, she said to me "mum, you're not going to like this" and showed me the design on the T-Shirt. Basically it is a cartoon of someone getting their arm shredded in a blender with their eyes popping out. It is quite stylised and cartoony, but it is, in my opinion, gory (lots of cartoon blood).
I was unimpressed and said to her that I wasn't happy with her having it. She then said to me "oh well, too late to return it now" and swanned out of the shop.
I was pretty angry at her attitude and called her back. I went up to the counter with her and said she was to return it. The young woman behind the counter looked at the T-Shirt and said "really? I like it". I repeated that it was to be returned. She turned to my daughter and said "do you want to return it?". I said to her again that it was to be returned. My daughter was saying "it's my money!", but then relented and said she would return it.
The manager had to be called. The T-shirt was returned. My daughter went back into the shop to find something else to buy. I was feeling really angry, with my daughter for trying to get one over on me, but more with the attitude of the shop assistant undermining me, so I waited outside the shop.
My daughter came out with a couple of non-gory T-shirts and we left.
It has since transpired that the shop assistant, feeling sorry for my daughter, gave her the gory t-shirt free of charge.
My daughter confessed this to me, then said she had worn it out, and her dad really likes it, his girlfriend really likes it, her friend and her friend's mother really likes it. It's only me that doesn't like it. (Her dad btw utterly despises me and will take any opportunity to undermine me with her).
I personally feel it's really antisocial to wear a t-shirt like that out at the park (as DD has been doing) where there are small kids. It's a nasty image and it makes me feel squeamish every time I see it.
I've told DD that I don't want her wearing it around me. She said OK . This weekend she came back from her dad's wearing it. I told her to change and she said "it's fine, I'm only going to be wearing it upstairs where you can't see".
I'm not generally draconian about my daughter's style choices - I just find the image on this T-shirt inappropriate. However, it seems the shop assistant and other adults she's talked to about it since think I'm over the top.
I'm willing to accept that maybe I am being - but feel DD's testing boundaries on quite a few things atm. I'm generally a bit of a pushover and was trying to be less so this time.
Would be really interested to know what others think
Thanks