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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be suspicious

117 replies

dderrick · 31/08/2020 13:58

We took our 1 year old to a marine lake, and there's a small paddling pool next to it. We took her socks off & she was paddling in the water. There were 2 small boys running around naked. As I was holding my daughter I noticed an old guy, in his 70s arrive alone & sat down. His head must have been on a swivel, as he was following the boys movement intently. My wife was about to get our daughter undressed, but I picked her up & turned away. I whispered about the guy to her.
At that point he got up & as he walked away, he stopped as if to talk to another couple, but they just blanked him.
My wife says he was probably just a harmless old chap, and they don't always think what they're doing.
I suspect he was watching children deliberately. AIBU to suspect this given his behaviour? I was going to go over & ask "Are you here with anyone?", Would that be the best way to handle it? It's all a bit new to us.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2020 14:02

If the kids had been dressed he probably still would've watched them play. He couldn't help the fact they were naked and anyway, plenty of people see child nudity as completely normal - just like the kids parents obviously do.

Asking if he was here with anyone would've been overkill and probably made the poor bloke very uncomfortable.

Justmuddlingalong · 31/08/2020 14:03

I don't find that suspicious. He was in a public place, having a seat and watching kids play. I'm a middle aged woman, and did exactly that yesterday. Would you be suspicious of me?

RoadworksAgain · 31/08/2020 14:04

I was going to go over & ask "Are you here with anyone?"

What?! And what would you have said or done if he'd said no?

D4rwin · 31/08/2020 14:07

As a parent I frequently notice adults watching my children play. Children are often loud and are active, it draws attention.

TheHappyHerbivore · 31/08/2020 14:08

Most people don’t see child nakedness as remotely sexual. From his behaviour it doesn’t sound like he did anything creepy or uncomfortable, so I don’t think you had any basis on which to challenge him.

Happyspud · 31/08/2020 14:08

You will never know but he literally did nothing wrong. He may have been lonely. A father if boys himself and has good memories of those days.

Even if he was a perv he would have looked at your kid with clothes on and been thinking the same.

We don't get to police other people's thoughts so I try not to make assumptions about then either. I think you were unreasonable.

AryaStarkWolf · 31/08/2020 14:11

You have no right to question a person who was doing nothing wrong in a public place

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 31/08/2020 14:18

It's such a shame for men to get tarnished as a suspected paedophile just because they are alone watching kids enjoy themselves. He could be a grandfather missing his DGC who live too far away to see often.

As a PP said, he couldn't help that the boys were naked. Other people of either sex or age could equally derive pleasure from watching kids enjoying playing.

I'm not sure what I'd think if someone asked if I was there with anyone. I'd probably just say "No. Why?" Then what would you do?

RaininSummer · 31/08/2020 14:23

He was probably innocent of anything but unfortunately should be more careful as he will land in some kind of trouble. Bit odd of the boys parents to let them be naked in public really as they are weirdos about.

TorgosPizza · 31/08/2020 15:07

I might find it odd and uncomfortable if I'd noticed him observing naked children so closely, but then again I also wouldn't let a child in my care run around naked in a public place.

However suspicious you feel, it would be incredibly rude, awkward, and over the top to ask him if he was with anyone or what he was doing there! It's none of your business, quite frankly. If you don't want your child to play in his presence, you're free to leave, yourself, or wait for him to go on his own. All you can prove he was doing was watching some children playing, and there's nothing inherently wrong about that.

AvoidingRealHumans · 31/08/2020 15:22

Our local park with a paddling area has signs stating that it is a family area and no lone adults are allowed in that bit.
I would think that was odd of him but I wouldn't have said anything personally as if he was allowed to be there (no signs stating otherwise) he has done nothing wrong.

Doccomplaint · 31/08/2020 15:23

Why have you posted this twice?

FlySheMust · 31/08/2020 15:24

Still unreasonable.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 31/08/2020 15:30

Yab ridiculous.

What right do you have to question why someone was sitting in a public space.

After my son died I often sat and watched kids his age playing, and you would have got a massive 'Go fuck yourself' from me if you questioned my motives.

It sounds like you deliberately made him feel uncomfortable.

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2020 15:32

The over whelming majority of people do not see naked children as sexual.

I’d likely sit down and watch kids play. The fact they were naked wouldn’t occur to me. People like you turn everything sinister and make people scared to even look at kids.

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2020 15:34

I’d also add as you saw the two boys naked op, you obviously looked at them

Why were you doing that?

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2020 15:38

Not sure why the OP's started 2 identical threads and not returned to either of them.

Lucy40ishere · 31/08/2020 15:39

I think you are overreacting. It may have been totally innocent. You made the decision to move your child away but there is no reason to say anything.

user1471462428 · 31/08/2020 15:42

This makes me really sad as my dad is that age and won’t go anywhere near playground or even take my children out as he’s worried about what people. I used to think he was paranoid but I don’t reading this. Most people are good people.

1forAll74 · 31/08/2020 15:48

You have to stop thinking this way, about all elderly men watching small children at play. He could have had some memories of being a nipper in the 1940 era,when he and his little friends went paddling in a local stream and had a lovely time, usually without parents in tow.

Sparklesocks · 31/08/2020 15:49

No I don’t think you can interrogate strangers about who they are with in public places.

iklboo · 31/08/2020 15:54

Yes you are.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/08/2020 15:57

This makes me really sad as my dad is that age and won’t go anywhere near playground

Same here. I wanted to try out an ice cream parlour local to my best friend who's also a priest. But because it's next to a play ground he dare not go there in case people see him hanging around there.

Patbutcherismyhero · 31/08/2020 15:58

He was in a public space.

The parents shouldn't have allowed their kids to run around naked in a public space if they were worried about this sort of thing.

You are being ridiculous and discriminatory. Would you have felt the same had it been a teenage girl or a middle aged woman?

timeisnotaline · 31/08/2020 16:01

I don’t think I’ll ever not think small naked children are the most beautiful things on this planet. So yabu.

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