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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be suspicious

117 replies

dderrick · 31/08/2020 13:58

We took our 1 year old to a marine lake, and there's a small paddling pool next to it. We took her socks off & she was paddling in the water. There were 2 small boys running around naked. As I was holding my daughter I noticed an old guy, in his 70s arrive alone & sat down. His head must have been on a swivel, as he was following the boys movement intently. My wife was about to get our daughter undressed, but I picked her up & turned away. I whispered about the guy to her.
At that point he got up & as he walked away, he stopped as if to talk to another couple, but they just blanked him.
My wife says he was probably just a harmless old chap, and they don't always think what they're doing.
I suspect he was watching children deliberately. AIBU to suspect this given his behaviour? I was going to go over & ask "Are you here with anyone?", Would that be the best way to handle it? It's all a bit new to us.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 31/08/2020 16:02

My df said to me a few years ago he used to love interacting with kids but these days its seen as perverted and he purposely avoids looking at any kid now incase he gets accused

sad really

minnieok · 31/08/2020 16:07

I was watching kids play in the marine lake today whilst I ate an ice cream, half were naked - it was bringing back happy memories of when my kids were that age. Why be suspicious? If someone was taking photos then that's different

dudsville · 31/08/2020 17:14

it's sad but I would have been suspicious. I know that my perspective is skewed, but I would have been suspicious.

Original poster
dderrick · 31/08/2020 17:15

I get what people say about it being a public place, and I don't know his intent. What made me suspicious was he never took his eyes off the 2 boys. He wasn't just enjoying the sun & watching the world go by. He even turned round when they ran behind him. He also didn't approach the parents, so clearly didn't know them. If he was watching everyone, I'd not be bothered, but following just 2 is weird.

OP posts:
AdultierAdult · 31/08/2020 17:22

Maybe he had boys who are now grown and it brought back fond memories?

Who knows. You had every right to leave but no right to interrogate him under the assumption he was up to no good.

BlackberrySky · 31/08/2020 17:23

Almost certainly nothing in it, but of course this is one of the reasons we supervise young children. It would have been an overreaction to have challenged him when he was just sitting there, but not to intervene if he had started trying to touch your child. You supervise for this reason - to draw boundaries between normal and abnormal behaviour.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 31/08/2020 17:24

You sound like you were watching him the whole time. That's weird as fuck. Why weren't you just enjoying family time and watching your kid?

AgentProvocateur · 31/08/2020 17:25

I quite often go to the park alone. If you’d asked me if I was there with anyone, I’d have told you to mind your own business. The weirdest thing about your post is that you feel you have a right to police who uses the park.

user14562156358 · 31/08/2020 17:27

So you stared at him intently the whole time?

You sound full of shit.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/08/2020 17:33

What exactly were you going to say of he was there alone. Also being there with other people doesn't stop people from being pedophiles, so its a pointless question.

FishyMcFishyfingersFace · 31/08/2020 17:39

People jumping to conclusions about what men are doing\looking at in public places is why my dh felt uncomfortable when dc1 was old enough to start going to the park. He was reluctant to be seen in the park with his own child and his wife (me) in case anyone jumped to incorrect conclusions about paedophilia etc, never mind going without me or dc.

He used to feel uncomfortable around other people's children in case he got accused of anything yet is the person least likely to abuse anyone, he had to work through this over the years. Please don't make other people feel uncomfortable in public by watching them suspiciously just because there are (naked) children around. Even if it looks like they are watching children they might not be, or they might even be related e.g. grandparent.

BronwenFrideswide · 31/08/2020 17:42

Yeah, old guy, in his 70s must be a paedophile, OP, ffs.

Two of the worst ones in recent times that I know of were caught, prosecuted and jailed in their 30's.

Read the news and you'll see that the majority of those downloading images of child abuse are far younger than 70.

FlySheMust · 31/08/2020 17:52

Children are more likely to be abused by family members or friends than strangers.

SimonJT · 31/08/2020 18:00

@FishyMcFishyfingersFace

People jumping to conclusions about what men are doing\looking at in public places is why my dh felt uncomfortable when dc1 was old enough to start going to the park. He was reluctant to be seen in the park with his own child and his wife (me) in case anyone jumped to incorrect conclusions about paedophilia etc, never mind going without me or dc.

He used to feel uncomfortable around other people's children in case he got accused of anything yet is the person least likely to abuse anyone, he had to work through this over the years. Please don't make other people feel uncomfortable in public by watching them suspiciously just because there are (naked) children around. Even if it looks like they are watching children they might not be, or they might even be related e.g. grandparent.

This.

Some people have removed their children from the rugby tots franchise I have just taken over and stated me running it is the issue to the previous owner, because you know I’m obviously a peado.

Odd that the OP is allowed to constantly watch the two boys, after all unless she was watching the two boys she wouldn’t know if anyone else was.

CultOfWax · 31/08/2020 18:08

You spent your time at the park staring at 2 naked boys and an old man - you sound really suspicious yourself OP.

Bettysnow · 31/08/2020 18:13

Perhaps I'm wrong but I imagine paedophiles would be much more discreet in not wanting to draw attention to themselves by sitting alone staring at children. I suppose no one ever really knows however the fact that he was openly watching them would lead me to think he he didn't have an ulterior motive and was simply enjoying watching them play.
When I was a young child an old man who lived locally would have taken all us local kids on long countryside walks. A perfect gent who genuinely loved children and treated us all with kindness. Sadly if this happened today people would be suspicious.

Thefaceofboe · 31/08/2020 18:16

@dderrick even if he was watching the boys because he enjoyed the fact they were naked, how can you prove that and what exactly would you do about it? I’d be more worried why parents are letting their children run around naked.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 31/08/2020 18:23

I'm more likely to sit and watch dogs playing TBH - far more entertaining.
That doesn't mean I am sexually attracted to the dogs, or into bestiality.

How do you know the man was't just glaring because the the kids were noisy and interrupting his otherwise peaceful afternoon?
If you don't want anyone to see your child naked, don't let it be naked in public places.
Don't assume that anyone in the vicinity that doesn't ostentatiously avert their gaze or get up and leave because there is a child/children in the vicinity is a padophile.

itsgettingweird · 31/08/2020 18:38

Thing is children playing naked in water is pretty normal.

Lots of parents strip their kids happily and lots of kids will run in get wet- realise they don't like wet clothes and strip!

These places are usually visible from all sorts of viewpoints.

Anyone who wants to watch inappropriately is unlikely to do so so blantantly? (I would like to know if this is the or not as I'm just surmising)

81Byerley · 31/08/2020 18:43

It's very difficult. My husband and I are in our 70s. My husband is so paranoid about this that last year, if he was walking alone, he wouldn't walk the route we walked together, because it took him through a playground. It's very sad. He would never hurt a child, and is not a paedophile.
At best the man was naive, at worst he was a pervert, but you couldn't really approach someone who may be innocent. All you can do is protect your own child by keeping her dressed.

Soubriquet · 31/08/2020 18:48

I think you were a bit OTT

I mean if he had his phone out taking photos of the boys or doing something dodgy then yeah be suspicious. But just sitting there, no

Would you have felt the same way if
it was a woman watching?

MiriamMargo · 31/08/2020 18:53

For gods sake, he was in clear view of everyone, hardly trying to hard himself away, clearly an innocent old chap, would you have been suspicious of an old lady doing the same. You should be ashamed, have more faith in people

Oldbagface · 31/08/2020 19:21

I don't agree with most posters here and wouldn't have undressed my DC in that situation either.

Instinct and all that.

He may have been a harmless old chap, he may have been a peadophile. Who knows.

Original poster
dderrick · 31/08/2020 19:39

The thread was about AIBU, the consensus is I was. As a new dad, I'm still trying to get it right, feeling overprotective maybe something to redress.
For all the useful advice, thank you. For those just looking for an argument, to quote Monty Python "you want room 12A, Just along the corridor."

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 31/08/2020 19:52

A 1 year old is not new dad territory

That’s like up to 3 months