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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be suspicious

117 replies

dderrick · 31/08/2020 13:58

We took our 1 year old to a marine lake, and there's a small paddling pool next to it. We took her socks off & she was paddling in the water. There were 2 small boys running around naked. As I was holding my daughter I noticed an old guy, in his 70s arrive alone & sat down. His head must have been on a swivel, as he was following the boys movement intently. My wife was about to get our daughter undressed, but I picked her up & turned away. I whispered about the guy to her.
At that point he got up & as he walked away, he stopped as if to talk to another couple, but they just blanked him.
My wife says he was probably just a harmless old chap, and they don't always think what they're doing.
I suspect he was watching children deliberately. AIBU to suspect this given his behaviour? I was going to go over & ask "Are you here with anyone?", Would that be the best way to handle it? It's all a bit new to us.

OP posts:
FOKKYFC · 31/08/2020 22:06

'If he wasn't with anyone . . . '

Maybe he hasn't got anyone, ffs. He shouldn't need a companion or chaperone to go to a park just to satisfy all the Matthew Hopkins' on here.

gavisconismyfriend · 31/08/2020 22:06

It isn’t unreasonable to be alert to possible dangers. It isn’t unreasonable to protect your daughter. It would be unreasonable to make thinly veiled accusations that could cause upset and/or trouble.

Brigante9 · 31/08/2020 22:20

For those just looking for an argument, to quote Monty Python "you want room 12A, Just along the corridor."

No-one looking for an argument but we’re allowed to say yabu.

I often have people stare at me or the dogs. They’re interesting, they have been taught to search and go off separately to find the dummy. I don’t automatically think they’re after stealing them despite the constant thefts of gundogs.

tornadoalley · 01/09/2020 10:11

I would feel uncomfortable with this as his attention was so fixed on the boys, however it would have been inappropriate to confront a man in a public space enjoying the sun. I would have looked at him intently and made it clear I was observing him.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/09/2020 10:19

If parents don't want people to watch their naked kids play they shouldn't let them play naked in public area🤷🏻

This is why many man would rather walk away from a lost child than try to help...

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2020 12:32

God I hate this “act on Insinct “ shit. That and gut feeling has more to answer for in terms of getting it wrong than anything else.

Soubriquet · 01/09/2020 12:37

Even if he was a dodgy man...honestly what harm was he doing?

He wasn’t sat there masturbating or taking sneaky photos to jack off to later was he?

KarmaStar · 01/09/2020 13:47

Yanbu at all op.
I caught a man filming little children sat on a bench in the park.I walked behind him and caught him.
Rang the police,they took two days to email me !! Park manager refused to come down and challenge him so off he went to watch his video at home.
Those saying ok is being ridiculous weren't there and didn't see what was happening.should out answers not be based on what the op saw?you can be as nasty as you like but I expect if you saw someone watching your small children you would soon complain.

Patbutcherismyhero · 01/09/2020 14:23

@KarmaStar what you describe is completely different to the OP. If he had come here saying there was an old man filming naked children in a park then I suspect we all would have agreed he would be right to confront him.

But - and read this slowly - the man was doing nothing other than sitting there enjoying a public space. Stop projecting your own judgemental views.

Original poster
dderrick · 01/09/2020 14:32

@Soubriquet

Even if he was a dodgy man...honestly what harm was he doing?

He wasn’t sat there masturbating or taking sneaky photos to jack off to later was he?

That really has to be the worst response in the entire thread. Why not invite all the local pedos to take a seat, I mean - no harm is it ? Someone warned me Mumsnet had some weird posters on it, I now believe them.
OP posts:
Doccomplaint · 01/09/2020 14:37

Oh don’t be a complete spoon. You’re not coming off well here already.

The man was sitting in a park. In a public space. Just sitting.

You were being a complete and utter weirdo.

And now you’re talking down to women.

Perhaps you might want to try a different forum if you don’t like it here?

RiverMeadow · 01/09/2020 14:54

@dderrick Someone warned me Mumsnet had some weird posters on it, I now believe them.

Yeah it does, someone who thinks it's perfectly reasonable to strip a child off in public and let them roam free and then question a mans morals who happened to be in the area when kids were running around naked.

Give your head a shake and please don't strip your kid named in public ffs.

Original poster
dderrick · 01/09/2020 15:05

@tornadoalley

I would feel uncomfortable with this as his attention was so fixed on the boys, however it would have been inappropriate to confront a man in a public space enjoying the sun. I would have looked at him intently and made it clear I was observing him.
Some on here seem to think you'd be creepy for doing it.
OP posts:
Original poster
dderrick · 01/09/2020 15:08

@Doccomplaint

Oh don’t be a complete spoon. You’re not coming off well here already.

The man was sitting in a park. In a public space. Just sitting.

You were being a complete and utter weirdo.

And now you’re talking down to women.

Perhaps you might want to try a different forum if you don’t like it here?

Gender has nothing to do with it. If the guy was a pedo, you think we shouldnt upset him by stopping his fun ? The lunatics have take over the asylum.
OP posts:
Ickythumpego · 01/09/2020 15:14

Other than sitting in a public place, and being a man, and noticing some kids playing what else did he do wrong?
I am all for childish nudity - I spent a lot of my childhood in Germany and it was very common at the beach/ lake/ so on. My own kids do have a thing for striping off too. The trick is not to leave them alone. Don't let them near strangers alone whether you suspect them or not.

Patbutcherismyhero · 01/09/2020 15:20

"Gender has nothing to do with it. If the guy was a pedo, you think we shouldnt upset him by stopping his fun ? The lunatics have take over the asylum."

The only lunatic here is you. I sympathised with you a bit to begin with. The whole overprotective, new dad thing. But you're coming across very patronising, rude and ignorant now. What fun was the old man having other than sitting in public place watching kids play? Imagine if that was your dad or grandad. Just stop with the shitty stereotypical judgements. It's everything to do with gender and age. Would you have felt the same if it had been a woman?

And the post you declared weird - I think the poster was basically saying than anyone you pass at any time in the street could be a paedophile 'watching' your children. What are you realistically going to do about it? Unless they are very obviously perving over your kids, approaching them or doing something perverted there is literally no way of telling what their motives are. Get a grip.

WrongKindOfFace · 01/09/2020 15:21

[quote RiverMeadow]**@dderrick Someone warned me Mumsnet had some weird posters on it, I now believe them.

Yeah it does, someone who thinks it's perfectly reasonable to strip a child off in public and let them roam free and then question a mans morals who happened to be in the area when kids were running around naked.

Give your head a shake and please don't strip your kid named in public ffs.[/quote]
The OP says their child only had socks removed.

I’m torn on this. Yes it could have been completely innocent, but at the same time if something feels off you should follow that instinct. Not confront someone, but I wouldn’t hang around.

Doccomplaint · 01/09/2020 15:24

The man was doing nothing to indicate he had paedophilic intentions.

liveitwell · 01/09/2020 15:27

YWNBU to have asked him if he's there with anyone. It's odd and disgusting to stare at anyone naked, let alone kids. Surely he could sit and stare at the lake if on his own. Very strange imo.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/09/2020 15:32

If the guy was a pedo, you think we shouldnt upset him by stopping his fun ?

The guy was sitting on a bench in the sun watching some children playing ffs.

Do you think it's ok to whisper and stare and make someone feel uncomfortable because you see the bad in something entirely innocent?

One day you'll be 70, may well be alone and take a seat while having a stroll around the park and get glared and stared at and whispered about and have people move their kids away from you in disgust.

I hope you remember this chap when it happens to you.

Elmo311 · 01/09/2020 15:33

I agree with you OP. And I wouldn't get my kids naked in a park either!

It does sound very creepy that he was staring at the children too much, I would also be uncomfortable with this, but I probably wouldn't have confronted him about it.

Doccomplaint · 01/09/2020 15:37

I think you’ll find you mean sex, not gender.

Soubriquet · 01/09/2020 15:57

What I’m saying is, anyone could be a paedophile. Man or woman.

He could have been a paedophile but he wasn’t doing anything

Now if he was taking photos, videos, luring the boys over or doing something sexual, absolutely have a word/be cautious

But a potential paedo just sitting there could be an old person just sitting there

Sometimes a duck is just a duck

lazylinguist · 01/09/2020 16:30

Gender has nothing to do with it. If the guy was a pedo, you think we shouldnt upset him by stopping his fun ? The lunatics have take over the asylum.

  1. Sex, not gender. 2) You have no real reason to think he was a paedophile 3) How would you 'stop his fun' even if he was a paedophile, given that he wasn't actually doing anything wrong?

Another example of a man turning up on MN and then throwing his toys out of the pram when those pesky MN women he's heard about dare not to agree with his views.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/09/2020 17:33

I agree you should do everything you can to protect your child, what you can't do is go around asking men why they are at the park alone. I'm still curious as to what you would have done if he was.

Oh and you don't have to invite pedos to be out in public. They could literally be anywhere or anyone. The only thing you can do is make sure you protect your child, you can't go around accusing people.