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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For considering forward facing a two year old...

287 replies

RowboatsinDisguise · 31/08/2020 13:50

I recently took DS’s ERF car seat out and gave the covers a good scrub and rinse as with potty training (wee only!) and general life debris they were utterly rank. In the meantime we’ve been using a spare group 1 FF seat. I much prefer it! It’s about a million times easier to strap him in (being heavily pregnant this is a massive factor), he’s happier chatting to me and seeing what’s going on, if he starts shouting I can work out why pretty much immediately... it’s just so much more pleasant for both of us!

Is it really so awful to want to keep him FF? I know why ERF is recommended. I’ve seen the crash tests. I know the stats. But I also know that the overall likelihood of being in a crash remains low and that forwards facing seats do still provide protection. I just don’t know what to do now!

OP posts:
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6
BabyLlamaZen · 31/08/2020 20:08

Do you also let your toddler run into the road because they have tantrums/go crazy/meltdowns?

AegonT · 31/08/2020 20:21

My 5.5 year old rear faces in 25kg limit seats. She can climb into them herself but needs the straps done up for her. She's never asked to forward-face despite spending a few months being driven to and from school in her childminder's car in a high-backed booster. All her under 25kg cousins rear-face too.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/08/2020 20:28

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Rear facing is another one of those things that only happens on mumsnet. In the real world I don't know anyone who rear faces a 2 year old.

Same here and I'm a childminder and know a lot of other childminders and parents so know a lot of children.

Where I am everybody does it. It is an affluent area though so the expensive cost of ERF isn’t an issue
Ethelfleda · 31/08/2020 20:32

DS is nearly 3 and he has been FF for a while now.

Horehound · 31/08/2020 20:33

I FF at 1 because my boy hates RF. I also do not know anyone who RF

MsEllany · 31/08/2020 20:39

@Nixen I was trying to make the point that if you’re not on MN and you haven’t heard of extended rear facing then what you google will turn up what I screenshot. Not that it’s not readily available. I like a lot of people (aside from not actually having WiFi in my home at that point) would have gone on the instructions on the car seat and not googled stuff I’d never heard of.

Orchidsindoors · 31/08/2020 20:41

Ohtobeaseahorse....its safer to put them in a complete sealed metal box, but no one is going to do it. When your kids grow up and they are on booster seats or no seat at all, you are still taking a risk.

formerbabe · 31/08/2020 20:45

I've only ever read about this on here. IRL, I only see toddlers in ff seats

Nixen · 31/08/2020 20:50

[quote MsEllany]@Nixen I was trying to make the point that if you’re not on MN and you haven’t heard of extended rear facing then what you google will turn up what I screenshot. Not that it’s not readily available. I like a lot of people (aside from not actually having WiFi in my home at that point) would have gone on the instructions on the car seat and not googled stuff I’d never heard of.[/quote]
@MsEllany the screenshot you posted referenced it's better to keep them rear facing. You're just making excuses. Just because something is the bare minimum legally doesn't mean it's a good choice. Don't see many people delighted about their 16 year old getting married for example...

CBsDad · 31/08/2020 20:54

We're using a rear facing seat as the woman in Mothercare basically told me my toddler's head would fall off in a FF seat. I totally appreciate the safety issue but what I've never really understood is where their legs are supposed to go as I feel like we're folding him up to put him in the car. I've tried to explain this to a couple of assistants and they've just said not to worry about it.

Natsku · 31/08/2020 20:59

I have one of those rotating seats. I have to turn DS (2.5ys) round to forward face when we go on longer trips (so anything outside of our town) because otherwise he gets really carsick. Still gets carsick facing forward but less so, last time managed to avoid vomiting. I don't like it but I also don't want him suffering with vomiting multiple times every trip.

AngelSings · 31/08/2020 21:07

FF the moment son turned 1. No regrets. Do what is best for you. There's advice and there's the law, so as long as you follow the latter you'll be just fine.

minipie · 31/08/2020 21:08

Do you also let your toddler run into the road because they have tantrums/go crazy/meltdowns?

The difference is, when you’re driving the tantrums are a source of danger (distraction to the driver)

tootiredtothinkofanewname · 31/08/2020 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KitKatastrophe · 31/08/2020 21:18

My (at the time) nearly 3 year old rear facing. She ends up in all sorts of weird leg positions like this, but doesnt seem uncomfortable. She was asleep when I took this photo! And is now 3.5 and still comfortably rear facing.

OP have you considered getting a rotating seat such as the joie 360. It is so much easier to get them in and out. If you're pregnant and expecting another baby, now is a good time to buy it. Baby can go in the seat you currently have and toddler in a 360. Then when toddler is old enough to move to forward facing, you can out the baby in the 360 Smile

For considering forward facing a two year old...
minnieok · 31/08/2020 21:25

Kids were turned young when my kids were small, around 9 months if they were long and heavier whereas mine stayed rear facing for longer, 15 months because they still fitted until then. At age 2 my dd was involved in a 60mph crash forward facing and she was fine because the seat was currently installed and fitted the car. I'm not saying rear facing aren't on paper safer but correctly installed and the belts correctly fastened is more important, if rear facing means getting the straps secure is harder and the parent can't do it correctly then it's not safer

PossiblePoodleParent · 31/08/2020 21:31

@AngelSings

FF the moment son turned 1. No regrets. Do what is best for you. There's advice and there's the law, so as long as you follow the latter you'll be just fine.
The law is a bare minimum. (And it's not 12 months, it's 15 months.) Your child will indeed be fine, as long as you never have an accident or restrict yourself to parking bumps. But do you want to gamble on your child's safety like that? We wouldn't need seatbelts if we could guarantee we wouldn't ever crash. Yet we all wear them just in case...
minnieok · 31/08/2020 21:39

@Jojobees

That's a monthly food budget in the real world. I was in Halfords earlier, a normal forward facing seat is circa £60 and last until 12 years old (straps can be removed to be a booster). Safety is expensive, don't call it affordable when it isn't for many

titnomatani · 31/08/2020 21:43

Get a spinning car seat that RF. Job done.

badg3r · 31/08/2020 21:51

I live in a country where kids have to rear face till 4. These sorts of conversations just don't take place here because we don't have the choice! Most people here have a britax max way (up to 25kg) or axkid mini.

Ultimately it is up to you OP but since you know RF is significantly safer you need to decide how you will feel if you do have an accident. Many of my UK based friends FF from a around 2 for the same reasons as you. We found that having the kids higher so they could see out the windows helped a lot.

uglyface · 31/08/2020 21:57

I know someone who crashed her car while comforting her two year old who was screaming and trying to get out of his ERF seat.

I don’t for one moment disagree that it is infinitely safer to keep them RF as long as possible, but the risk of FF has to be weighed against the risk of an accident if the child in question is one who struggles with RF. Most children are perfectly happy and can stay that way until they are older.

We kept our DD RF as long as we could, but the puking every weekend on the way to the supermarket got a bit much. I myself have prescription strength travel sickness pills so is obviously inherited.

Chocchoc2020 · 31/08/2020 22:00

We just turned round our 5.5 year old. He’s 1.23m and 23.5kg so was getting towards the limit for the Axkid Minikid. He never had any issues about where to put his legs even though he’s tall.

wegetthejobdone · 31/08/2020 22:01

My eldest was RF to 11 months (he was massive and at that point there were ERF seats but they were still being imported on order from Sweden, not something you could buy on the high street.

Second was ERF until 3, when he outgrew his RF to 18kg seat by height.

It is up to you to balance the risks. I have spent a huge amount of money on car seats but that is because a close family member experienced 'life changing injuries' in a car accident that was not their fault. Its worth noting though that their car was crushed (car vs HGV) there is no car seat in the world that would have saved a child in the rear of the car. Sometimes you are just lucky/unlucky.

sparklefarts · 31/08/2020 22:01

My son is 5. I remember antenatal classes and being in mothercare etc asking about car seats. I have never ever been told about RF past baby age basically. Am quite shocked and now,very pleased, that we were fortunate enough to not have been in a crash as he has been forward facing since out of his newborn seat Shock

icelollies · 31/08/2020 22:03

We ff DS just before he turned 3 as he would get terribly car sick - we were stopping twice on a journey to clean him up and he would really scream to distraction. ff really helped him and he travels quite a well now.