Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male friend over reacting at being left out?

106 replies

lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 22:58

So a few years ago I joined a local dog group who have same breed of dogs as I do, and made some friends on there who I would meet up with occasionally, usually a big group of us causing mayhem on a beach with a million dogs 🤣🤣
The group was headed by an older guy with his female friend and Through them I made a good friend, my age with 2 dog's so we would sometimes meet up without the group either on our own or with our dogs.
We've had similar experiences with anxiety and depression so we've bonded over that and tried to be there for each other and it's been nice to meet up now and then away from the group so we can chat.
The main guy of the group has been amazing so far with us both, supported us, cheered us both up and arranged meet ups either with one or both of us, along with the other lady and anyone else who wants to join.
He mentioned a little while ago that we haven't met up for ages due to covid so we chatted online between us all about sorting something out after the bank holiday, we live in a seaside place and it's just been far too busy.
Last night my friend messaged asking what I was doing today as she's having a hard time at the moment so I said nothing let's meet up. We arranged for her to come to mine with the dogs, walk them then back to mine for a cuppa and chat after once the dogs where calm 🤣🤣
We had a lovely couple of hours and took some photos for Facebook.
Not long after she gets a sarcastic message from main guy saying 'thanks for the invite'
He then sent me the same thing... Basically making out we had deliberately left him out.
She was annoyed saying we had done nothing wrong so I messaged him to say ' sorry, not intentional, we just wanted some girlie time to chat and it was a last minute thing' not like the usual big beach meet up.

Now he's unfriended both of us and removed us from the dog group page.
My friend is fuming and very hurt as she's spent a lot of time with him and his family, I'm upset as it seems a massive over reaction.
So were we being unreasonable to not have invited him or is he being totally unreasonable to get so upset about it?
Obviously we didn't see an issue with arranging a dog walk just the 2 of us as we've done before and not hidden it. But we seem to have really upset him for him to unfriend us both and remove us from the group.
I'm so confused and feel like we've done nothing wrong but hate thinking I've upset someone who has previously been very kind towards me.
It's just really ruined what was a nice day

OP posts:
Hangingwithmygnomies · 30/08/2020 23:01

He's being weird, you've done nothing wrong

LillianBland · 30/08/2020 23:02

What an utter arse. It wouldn’t happen to be a (NI) group, would it. Sounds like someone I know of.

ShirleyPhallus · 30/08/2020 23:03

What a wang

Being the admin / similar of Facebook groups gives people a very odd superiority complex

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 23:10

Nope not a N.I group.. I'm in Wales.
He's had issues before with other dogs groups and people, including someone allegedly throwing tennis balls with nails in over his garden wall. I've always wondered how anyone could not like him as hes been really lovely but now I'm seeing a different side. I have a friend who does this constantly.. This passive aggressive having a go if I dare spend time with anyone else.. I find it draining and unnecessary and I hate it. For me.. I'd rather see 2 people together having fun without me than thinking we've all been on our own doing nothing

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 30/08/2020 23:11

Sounds over the top.
Maybe his MH is suffering, or he is feeling isolated when he is usually the centre/organiser of stuff?

I withdrew from a whatsapp group last week - I was feeling a bit down; in retrospect I got things a bit out of proportion and probably wouldn't have taken it so personally if not feeling a bit isolated, but it's done now.

SeasideMaiden · 30/08/2020 23:13

Definitely you haven't done anything wrong. You're best off away from that giy, he sounds a bit unhinged.

stoneysongs · 30/08/2020 23:18

OP I am hoping you are the gang who walk their dachshunds on the beach quite near me, I felt like I'd taken LSD the first time I saw so many sausage dogs in one place Grin
(BTW he's being weird, you haven't done anything wrong)

Pipandmum · 30/08/2020 23:24

He's being ridiculous. You have the right to meet up with whomever you want, and as you say you have met up with your friends loads of time before. Too bad he has taken you off the group though - very petty and unreasonable.

jeaux90 · 30/08/2020 23:32

Male entitlement.

Merryoldgoat · 30/08/2020 23:33

He’s an idiot and being entirely unreasonable.

Might you need to contact other group members so you can be kept in the loop? Don’t let him drive you away

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 23:34

@singingstones nope that's not me. I've got polar bear dogs! Least that's what someone called them today. Smiling samoyeds. 😀😀 Great big white bear dogs. I feel upset for them too as they now won't get to have beach meet ups as we've been cut from the group

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 23:37

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay
Yes I'm trying to see it from his perspective as I hate falling out with people and really don't like upsetting anyone. I could understand if he had invited us both over today and we refused and then met up but it was a last minute thing of her coming over to my house and us going for an hours walk then back to my garden. There's no way I could of invited him and his 4 dogs as well.. Plus we just wanted to have a girlie chat

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 30/08/2020 23:37

I think he’s being very immature. A lot like another thread the other day, you don’t have to meet up as a huge group every time, you’re allowed to have a separate meet up, especially as you said, a girlie meet up. I find this quite normal.

Is this going to affect you being able to go on the big group meet ups? Cos that would be very poor of him.

MJMG2015 · 30/08/2020 23:40

He's being either daft or nasty.

Different if you'd arranged a group thing & left him out, but Jesus, you can walk your dog with a friend without inviting MrBig!

He seems to have history too, so I wouldn't over think it, but if it was upsetting me I'd send him one final email saying it was sour if the moment as you both fancied a 'girlie' chat, sorry he's upset, but it was one for the girls only.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 23:41

@Merryoldgoat I can't see who the other members are. It's generally him and his female friend, who has also unfriended both of us today, and then whoever turns up is there as well. A doggy free for all with the main idea being the dogs all have an amazing time and we get to have a bit of a catch up. A lot of them do shows and breeding which I'm not into.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 23:45

@Shizzlestix sadly yes as I now can't contact any of them. My friend might be able to as she's more friendly with some of the others. It's such a shame as the dogs all love the big meet ups and get on so well.
He posted photos the other day of meeting different friends on the beach and we weren't invited so I don't understand him taking such offence

OP posts:
TW2013 · 30/08/2020 23:49

Tell him that you were discussing periods/ pmt/ san pro/ gynae/ menopause issues and that you didn't think he would be interested, but you are still looking forward to meeting up as a group next time. If you can be bothered.

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 30/08/2020 23:50

@MJMG2015
Yes is history there.. Something to do with a disagreement between him and bigger dog group we were all members of. It got very heated, police were involved at one point so we all left the other group and he made a new one, more for our breed of dogs and actually meeting up and sharing photos ect.
He's a 60 odd year old man so I think if us 40 year old want to sit and have a girlie steam ofd about men without him there we should be able to.. And not be punished for it

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 30/08/2020 23:56

YANBU and set up your own doggy group

stoneysongs · 30/08/2020 23:59

Aww love samoyeds, my aunt had one (called snowy Grin)

Seeing a big group of those would also blow my mind!

Agree with PP, set up a group of your own.

TW2013 · 31/08/2020 00:00

Look I was just chatting with friend about my periods which have been getting more irregular, heavy and with large clots. I really didn't think that you would want it to be the topic at our next group meeting so I just wanted to get friend's opinion. We would appreciate being put back in the group, though of course I would appreciate it if you didn't mention this to other members.

Unless he is a gynaecologist you should be home and dry.

scubadive · 31/08/2020 00:02

Well perhaps it was insensitive posting pictures on Facebook that other members of the group have access to, so soon after having all discussed that you must meet up soon. If you’d nit listed pictures this could all be avoided.

He has obviously over-reacted but he must be very hurt to have reacted like that. I would contact him again and explain that your friend was feeling down and had asked to meet up for a chat, explain that you do this from time to time and that you are sorry if you’ve offended him.

If he doesn’t come round then perhaps you are better off out if the group.

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 31/08/2020 00:03

@TW2013 my fiends just split up with her husband after 20 years and dipping her toe into the murky waters of dating which I know all too well 🤣🤣
So we just wanted to compare notes and say how much we think all men are dicks.. Seems we were more right than we thought... We just weren't expecting to get it from a men friend as well

OP posts:
jacks11 · 31/08/2020 00:03

He is being unreasonable- you can meet up with whoever you like without his permission. To unfriend you and remove you from the dog group is a huge over-reaction, and really very mean-spirited.

However, if he is usually kind and supportive- and you’ve said you have met up with friend without him previously without an issue being raised- I wonder why he’s reacted this way. He is probably just being a total arse, but could there be something else going on for him (feeling lonely or isolated, for instance, do totally overreacted to feeling left out)? Not that it would excuse the hissy fit, which is totally unreasonable, but might explain the way he has reacted.

Original poster
lonelylou09 · 31/08/2020 00:06

@singingstones yes they are adorable dogs and it always causes a stir on the beach when we have a meet up. The dogs seem to know and interact with thier own type much more than with other dogs and it's lovely to see them all having a great time. The only hard part is making sure you have the right dog when it's time to go home 🤣🤣

OP posts: