What do you wish your parents did differently when you were a child?

[flatlife]

I used to hate the fact my you ger brother was allowed to do what he liked while I had to behave. He was 1/2 and I was about 5. I hadn't realised he was a baby- I remember thinking he was dumb because he couldn't talk yet!
I wish my parents had explained that he was still a baby.

also when music videos had a sexual theme- it made me so embarrassed but the music was on in the 'background while my mom cleaned so she probably didn't notice.

drinking beer and smoking were main ones of course.

whats yours?

I wish they'd given me up for adoption instead of my mother spending my whole life reminding me that my conception was the unwelcome result of a condom failure.

That, and so much more, I was never able to forgive.

My mum and stepdad smoked in the house so that would have been good not to have, but it make me not want to smoke myself so I never have.

other than that not much I can think they were not saints (all my parents) but like me tried their best and loved me to that is all I wanted.

I wish my mum had not been so critical of me (still is), and had trusted me more (by giving me more freedom), and had not favoured my sister.

I wish both of them had been more emotionally self-aware and passed those skills on to me.

I wish they had found a better way to deal with their relationship issues; I was relieved when they split up, as then the arguing stopped (or at least wasn't so obvious to me).

I wish my dad hadn't been abusive, and my mum hadn't been so vocally bitter about it (again, still is).

My mum was raised (USA) Church of the Brethren and was taught that drinking, dancing, movies, even playing cards and secular music were sinful. As a result I was not allowed to take tap dance lessons when I was a small child. She lightened up as I grew older, thank God, and actually became quite liberal by the time I was ten, but it never occurred to me to ask again for tap lessons.

I always wished that she'd converted to my Dad's religion. He was raised Episcopalian and his side of the family was much more relaxed than my mum's. I thought my mum was going to bust a gut when one of my uncles poured me and my same-age cousin a very small glass of wine at dinner when we were 14. She didn't say anything at the time, but I'm sure my dad heard about it later.

@YesItsMeIDontCare

Can I be allowed a smug wallowing moment please?

Absolutely bloody nothing. They were by no means perfect, but I have no doubt that they adored me & my brother (and still do), and I have no doubt that every choice they made was with our best interests at the forefront.

If I can give my son a childhood at least 50% as good as mine I'll be chuffed.

Sorry

I feel I have to jump on your smug moment as well - my parents were, and still are the greatest people I know. They've put up with so much shit in their lives but they've always been my greatest advocates and best friends when I need them - I'm so very lucky to have always felt adored by them

Whilst I know they did it with the best of intentions, stopping me from doing Home Economics for GCSE in favour of Computer Studies still ranked. I would have got an A or B in Home Ec, but barely scraped a D in Computer Studies, which i loathed and found difficult (it wasn't how to use applications but how to build and programme a computer, which wasn't helpful). My parents had thought it would set me up for a career where computers were becoming the norm, but what it actually did was turn me off them completely for a long time. I loved cooking and am good at it, so Home Ec would have been perfect.

Ah, where do I begin
......
That they didn't value alcohol more than us (they were/still are alcoholics.
That they didn't fight
They should have spent more money on us
That we weren't abused verbally as kids / teens.
Been called every name under the sun by one parent in particular
That they should have turned the tv off when sex scenes and swesrwords came on. Instead we had to put a cushion over our eyes, when sex scenes came on, but could still bloody hear.
Someone previously said about pretty woman. One of my parents loved that film and would look forward to when it was on tv, looking back I am disgusted how she used to encourage and laugh with my siblings watching a prostitute. Its sickening. I'd be roughly 11 or 12 and kid sister would be 7 or so. I have children roughly around those ages now and I even had to put an end to them watching teen titans go, because bloody characters couldn't stop twerking.
That they didnt invite weirdos back from the pub, basically putting me and my younger siblings in danger. Odd characters, some of them were certainly dodgy, barging into the toilet while me and my sister were on and laughing shouting boo, basically doing it on purpose. We weren't believed.
They were nicer to my elder sibling, who in turn used to hit the younger ones in frustration of being abused.
That they would spend money better and wiser on things that were needed for us ie clothes and school equipment.
Now I am no contact with any of them. Both elder and younger siblings all have corrupt lifestyles, drugs and prison and so on. In pretty much the only normal one. Left at 18, got married young which a lot of people thought in
was nuts but still married to the best man in the world for over 14 years and have a wonderful family together. My whole childhood was a car crash and I still, in my younger 30s am very depressed about it. It absolutely makes me want to give my children the best in the world. A normal childhood.

They weren't nice to not elder sibling* and so he used to best and treat his younger siblings like garbage. It was a relief when he left to join the army but still sad we had to put up with the abuse and neglect from the parents. I suffered verbal abuse right up until almost 3 years ago and had to put an end to it for my own sanity. Enough is enough

Reading back everyone's stories, am so sorry to hear you all went through rough times too. All my love to you all and hope you're all in a better place now.

That was meant to say they weren't nice to elder brother. Third times the charm.

So many things (neglect and emotional abuse) but the main one:

I really wish they had put any kind of focus on education and a career. They just weren't interested and moaned about their jobs all the time so I grew up thinking learning and work were just a faff that I should avoid as much as possible. They never checked if I'd done my homework, they never went over anything I didn't understand, they didn't offer any advice on what to do at university- in fact they discouraged me from going.

I can't imagine taking that attitude with my son.

@Dinosaurpooped

I wish I felt loved, wanted, listened to and part of a team. I never realised how crap my childhood was until I became a parent myself. It has made me strive to be different.

This.

I'm also constantly pissed off that my childhood has been rewritten without all these elements in it. This has affected my relationship with DM to this day and try as I might I simply cannot get over it.

By contrast, DS's childhood is so different it's practically unrecognisable.

I wish my mum had explained to me what a period was. I got it just before I turned 12, in September so I had just started high school. My mum never told me something like this would happen, and my previous school never told us about it either.

Honestly, I thought I was dying. I was terrified. I used tissue to soak up the blood. My mum only found out what was happening because she found my dirty underwear, which I'd hidden. She said that what was happening would happen every month and I need to use pads. That's it. She never explain my cycle or how things worked. She didn't tell me how it was linked to getting pregnant etc. I only found out more information from our schools sex education lessons.

I have a daughter now and I will definitely be explaining to her hopefully before it happens.

I wish they hadnt:
Fought so much
Smoked in the house, even when I was on a nebuliser
Controlled everything about my life til I left at 18
Let me do after school activities
Let me socialise with teenage boys when I was 7 - they around my brother were sexually abusing me
Made me share a bed with the same brother on holiday every year, even after I told them about the abuse, til I was 17
Not had such a large family.
Not used pets as a way of controlling me

Sorry that should say I wish they HAD let me do activities.

I wish my parents had of gotten my brother the proper help he needed for his ADHD. He failed to thrive and at the age of 35 still lives with them with a half-assed job. His lack of self confidence has turned him in to a top-dogging, habitual liar, who finds it very difficult to maintain friendships.

Mine were loving and I had an ok childhood. I suppose I wish we hadn’t moved around so much for my dad’s job. I was always the new girl and combined with me being a very ugly child it made school really tough. I’ll never know how things would be better/worse if we’d had more stability but (presumably) less money though.

Oh the other one which I know may be controversial. We had a model of only one person working and the other doing all the domestic work. That’s been mirrored in mine and my brothers’ families and I’m not sure it’s the healthiest set up necessarily.

Comparatively mine are minor. My parents divorced when I was 4 and I lived with my DM and grandparents. I was loved by all so that was not an issue.

However DM kept going for job promotions which meant me constantly changing schools.

I went to 4 primary schools and as a result started secondary with a bald patch I'd pulled out of my hair.

-No beatings.
-No swearing at me.
-Bed time stories.
-Family holidays
-Rules & consistency
-Talk to me not at me
-Listen to me.
-Don't make jokes about me.
-Buy me clothes
-Make sure I brushed my teeth when I was little
-Teach me about sexual abuse

My dad had an affair that shaped our whole childhood. I wish he’d just fucked off and not lied for so long. I think I was 7 when it started, 11 when he started living away from home 6/7 days a week and 21 when he finally decided to leave my mum (although it was my younger sister doing something that caused the catalyst). I think he thought that he was doing the right thing by m staying until the kids were grown up but the reality was he was totally absent. My mum’s mental health was through the floor and we were miserable. Money was really tight and my mum struggled with three of us alone most of the time.

I also wish my mum had worked. My dad apparently encouraged her to leave her job when she was pregnant with me and she didn’t work for 15 years or more until she took on cleaning jobs. No financial independence.

Also, no support to do school work and a relaxed attitude to attendance. Had to learn self discipline in my teens after staring down the barrel of failure simply through not knowing how to apply myself or strive for something.

I really hope we will be different. We will try anyway!

I wish they'd been around more and hadn't shoved me in childcare from six months old, including before and after school and 90% of the school holidays. They had enough money to send me to private schools and go on nice holidays but barely spent any time with me.

There is a lot I wish I could change; mainly that they showed any interest in me beyond for how useful I could be in helping out with my siblings.

I wish they hadn't let me know about money troubles they had when I was a child. I lived in constant fear for them that they'd lose our home. I feel that as a fear every day still, a dread something bad will happen.

I wish they had shown any interest in me.
I wish they'd taught me to ride a bike.
I wish they'd taught me to swim.
I wish they'd spent time with me/us.
I wish they'd done something with us over work.
We had 1 family day out in the entirety of my childhood. My siblings and I still talk about it as the best day of our whole childhoods. We never went on holiday together, anywhere, ever.

It makes me so sad. I feel they took no joy in us. To this day, they show so little interest.

I wish they had been better with money. We were really poor, but partly because they always spent up in good times and had no concept of saving for a rainy day.

I wish they had shown more interest in my hobbies, they were interested in my brother and sisters activities but not mine.

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.