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Original poster

What do you wish your parents did differently when you were a child?

152 replies

flatlife · 30/08/2020 19:11

I used to hate the fact my you ger brother was allowed to do what he liked while I had to behave. He was 1/2 and I was about 5. I hadn't realised he was a baby- I remember thinking he was dumb because he couldn't talk yet!
I wish my parents had explained that he was still a baby.

also when music videos had a sexual theme- it made me so embarrassed but the music was on in the 'background while my mom cleaned so she probably didn't notice.

drinking beer and smoking were main ones of course.

whats yours?

OP posts:
LittleRed53 · 30/08/2020 22:08

I wish they'd ever told me they loved me, or were proud of me. Wish they'd given me hugs.

Wish they'd taught me how to stand up for myself. I also really wish my mum, especially, had lifted a finger to try to stop me making serious mistakes as I got a bit older. She was too much of a coward to even try, as I screwed up my life at the time, when as my mother she should have tried to guide and protect me.

ChaToilLeam · 30/08/2020 22:08

Focused less on education and more on life skills, and been easier to talk to. I didn’t ask for advice on anything because it always just turned into a tirade.

YouJustDoYou · 30/08/2020 22:10

I wish my mum hadn't been a nasty drunk. I wish I'd been parented properly. I wish my dad didn't frighten me to the point i would vomit.

purplechairandcat · 30/08/2020 22:16

I wish my mum didn't get so angry so quickly. It made it hard for me to talk to her. I also wish she didn't have such a complex around food- it messed up how I viewed it.

My dad wasn't around at all but I wouldn't change that for the world- he's a total fuckwit and would have been useless no matter what he did!

user127819 · 30/08/2020 22:17

I wish they hadn't laughed and made jokes about everything I did (hobbies, interests etc). It turned me into a compulsive liar. If someone asks me what I'm doing or what I got in the post my first instinct is to lie, downplay or cover up the answer, even when there's nothing to be ashamed of. Now my parents laugh at me for being secretive. Well what did you expect?

WinWinnieTheWay · 30/08/2020 22:25

Most of all I wish my mum had left my father and taken us with her.

YouJustDoYou · 30/08/2020 22:27

Most of all I wish my mum had left my father and taken us with her

Me too 😢

Rhine · 30/08/2020 22:32

That they’d have provided me with more emotional support. My DM has never asked me how I am or how I’m feeling. Nothing was ever discussed openly, opinions were dismissed and anxieties minimised. They were disinterested in our hobbies or interests and nothing was really encouraged.

WeAllHaveWings · 30/08/2020 22:37

Hmm....I wish my parents knew me rather than me just being no. 4 of 5.

megletthesecond · 30/08/2020 22:40

Not constantly told me I looked lovely. When I clearly looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.
Took me years to learn how to dress appropriately. Probably never figured it out Blush.

CarelessSquid07A · 30/08/2020 22:42

I often felt like the parent with my Mum. I wish she hadn't put so much focus on making sure everything looked normal to everyone else.

I wish I hadn't been taught that Social Services were the monsters under the bed that would take you away and you'd never see your family again.

I wish my Dad had actually wanted a child. By all accounts he would've been just as difficult as my mother but it would've been nice to have had contact.

Crustacean7 · 30/08/2020 22:55

Where do I start? Sorry if this is long!

  • I wish they had told me they loved me
  • I wish they hadn't drank EVERY SINGLE NIGHT
  • I wish my mum hadn't tried to start an argument with me and my sibling EVERY SINGLE NIGHT after drinking
  • I wish my mum hadn't become spiteful and called me names after drinking
  • I wish my mum had asked about my day after school, or at least taken some interest in my life
  • I wish my dad hadn't stayed late every night at work to avoid my mum and our shitty home life
  • I wish my dad had left my mum and taken us with him (he told me 30 years later that he had considered it all time). I wish he'd had more of a backbone
  • I wish they had disciplined my sibling so that they didn't turn out to be a total screw up
  • I wish they hadn't smacked us
  • I wish they hadn't been so obsessed with money and holidays
  • I wish they had shown some interest in our career paths and helped us into the world of work
  • I wish they hadn't pushed each other down the stairs so that we grew up thinking that kind of behaviour was normal!
Tillygetsit · 30/08/2020 22:57

Told me they loved me.

PeacefulPlease · 30/08/2020 22:58

Not divorced my dad (no abuse, affairs, etc).
Not moved far away from my lovely extended family.
Not worked so much.
Not married my jealous, lazy-arse step-dad.
Not left us alone as teenagers while they were away.
Just generally have been around and more involved like normal mothers.
And this I envy friends who come from parents who love each other and created a steady home life.

FoxInABox · 30/08/2020 23:02

Decided they no longer had to care for me from the age of 11. A roof over my head, food on the table at set times only- no snacks, and a school uniform were what they provided from that point on and nothing more. Zero interest, zero interaction. My DM only wanted to know what exam results I got so she could brag, I could literally go months without speaking to her, and spoke less than two sentences daily with my DF who I lived with. I ended up seriously depressed although I didn’t know what it was, and working every day I wasn’t in school from age 12 for less than £2 an hour, which led to me being extremely vulnerable to horrible people.

PeacefulPlease · 30/08/2020 23:04

Oh and I wish she hadn’t lied and twisted stories to put me down and told me I was an awful singer. And deliberately waked me up really early in the morning when she knew I was knackered and needed to sleep - torture!

YummyJamDoughnut · 30/08/2020 23:10

The one thing I wish my mum had done was to run far away from my dad. She stayed in the same town, and so unfortunately we saw quite a lot of him, to our detriment. But of course, it's not easy to uproot your whole life and move away from your support system/family, I'm not blaming my mum I just wish it had been different.

My dad, I just wish had fucked off, sadly didn't happen and we're still suffering for that as adults.

WingingWonder · 30/08/2020 23:11

I wish my mum hadn’t had cancer for many of my years, I missed out on a relationship with her and worry constantly. I also had a borderline ED which no one noticed as a result. I have a very poor body image still.
It’s made me seek out security and be massively risk adverse ever since
It also meant there’re was little ‘fun’ and I’m not a very fun mum now because I struggle to understand how to manage discipline and sibling spats. But being fun whilst exhausted, I see other people let go of so much more, but I sort of don’t know how
But otherwise/ so very lucky to have had a very fortunate childhood

Clearthinking · 30/08/2020 23:17

I wish they didn't smoke, everywhere, car, bathroom, kitchen while cooking. I wish they didn't feed us crap. Chips, crisps, chocolate, sugar just awful. Lunch was chips and 2 packets of crisps with lemonade. Tea, chips and chicken burgers. Supper, chippy chips. School pack up, crisps and a few choc bars. Grew up being chunky and can't stand chocolate to this day. Wish they were approachable when I was being bullied so I could learn to talk to someone and feel valued. And also try and learn how to stick up for myself which really has been a useful thing to know. We was brought up to be nice kind but quiet

managedmis · 30/08/2020 23:18

Should have sent me to grammar school.

Fewer days out to museums (more time at home playing)

managedmis · 30/08/2020 23:19

Oh yeah, and fed me differently. Just because an 8 year old can eat a full portion of fish and chips doesn't mean they should

akerman · 30/08/2020 23:27

I’d have liked a mother who was capable of mothering. My mother is a severely depressed narcissist, who kept going for ECT in hospital and spent the rest of the time furious with us for not validating her. She beat us and told us constantly that we were shit. I wish my Dad had left her and taken us with him. I wish my Dad had told her that she couldn’t behave like that to his children.

DolphinsAndNemesis · 30/08/2020 23:45

I was very lucky in many ways. I always knew my parents loved me and they were completely reliable in many important ways. However, I wish they had acknowledged my brother’s autism more than they did. I know there weren’t many resources available then, but pretending everything was fine didn’t make it so. I also wish we had done more as a family. We went out to dinner together sometimes and we had seaside holidays most years. But for the most part we just stayed home. I don’t think children need endless activities, but there is a happy medium between an over-scheduled life and staying home all the time.

Probably the biggest thing has to do with the overall family dynamics. Everything was organised around my dad’s likes and dislikes, interests and whims. He was the adored eldest son in his family of origin, and he essentially recreated the same atmosphere in our family with him at the centre. My mother was happy to dance attendance upon him. I wish that they had had a more balanced approach with everyone’s needs and wants taken into account.

pepinanalilyplant · 30/08/2020 23:53

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander Thanks

Lumierecandle · 30/08/2020 23:55

I wish my mum had been more emotionally available and aware of our needs. I wish my (step) dad hadn’t decided he hated family life and inflicted his resentment on us all. I wish my mum had completed her teaching degree so she had financial independence and the option of leaving her husband when he got really nasty and unreasonable in my teens. I wish dad hadn’t bullied and intimidated me behind my mothers back and threatened to ‘destroy my life’ if I stepped out of line. I wish my mum hadn’t turned on me and blamed me for her problems because I wouldn’t ‘take her side’ in fights with dad.

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