What do you wish your parents did differently when you were a child?

[flatlife]

I used to hate the fact my you ger brother was allowed to do what he liked while I had to behave. He was 1/2 and I was about 5. I hadn't realised he was a baby- I remember thinking he was dumb because he couldn't talk yet!
I wish my parents had explained that he was still a baby.

also when music videos had a sexual theme- it made me so embarrassed but the music was on in the 'background while my mom cleaned so she probably didn't notice.

drinking beer and smoking were main ones of course.

whats yours?

My mum was incredibly repressed and basically wouldn't talk about the really important things children need advice and guidance from their parents on: love/sex, money and financial planning, religion, politics, death.

She was loving and intelligent and we didn't want for anything. But she would become twitchy and anxious if we asked her awkward and difficult questions about any of the above subjects. It did me a huge amount of harm because I internalised the idea that I didn't have a right to be able to discuss any of these things and that you didn't have a right within a relationship to have honesty about them.

Even though rationally I know she couldn't really help this and altough in many ways she was a wonderful parent I still really resent her for this.

I wish my mum hadn’t shouted so much. She has a really short temper and would scream and shout over the smallest thing. She worked weekends and even as a child I was thrilled when she was offered overtime because she’d be out of the house from early morning until about 9pm, so it was just me, my brother and my dad all day. The second she walked through the door, the atmosphere became tense.

I now can’t cope when anyone raises their voice, it sends me into a panic and I get teary.

Like some of PPs, wished they hadn't smoked, cared a bit more about diet (mum fully embraced '70s fast food: crispy pancakes, Angel Delight etc).
Also laughing at 'past it, mid 30s'. My parents were 41 & 54 when they had me, very unusual at the time, and dad was often mistaken for my grandpa. Sadly, he died when I was 9, and mum wasn't able to cope. She had no idea about money, electrics, running a house, banking... so we learnt it together. I wish mum had talked at all about dad after he died, or acknowledged my loss (she must have heard me crying at night). She also didn't 'get' teenagers. I see now she had no relevant life experience, but at the time it cased so much friction. I wish she could have moved away from 'I know best, my way is the only way' when she clearly didn't have a clue, would not countenance debate or dissent. She also insisted on education above all, unilaterally cancelling all my outside clubs, and unilaterally deciding which school I was going to.
I also wish she hadn't sold my bike, my records, and a lot of my books while I was at uni.
But despite that, we continued to have a (mostly loving) relationship with me, and especially with her grandchildren, until she died 2 years ago (mostly by me making a lot of compromises, and realising she was a product of her upbringing).

Gave me a hug, told me they loved me.

Not got back together after the 1st split.
Had the 1st split a few years earlier.

My mum and dad did the best they could and I know they loved us all dearly.
However I feel they should not have had such a large family when they clearly struggled. I never felt comfortable asking for anything as we were always conscious of money or lack off.
We never got pocket money or given money to go off with friends.
School shoes were worn out and leaked and I was too afraid to ask for new ones (wtf) . I used toilet paper for sanitary towels. I don’t know why I didn’t ask , they would have bought me the stuff but I can’t explain why I felt I shouldn’t ask .
I wish my mum had done some one on one activity’s with me , rather than send an older subtly to do it with me.

My mum was dealt a fairly shitty hand in life and it’s only now as an adult that I see that she spent most of our childhood grieving and so it hardened her a bit. I never heard ‘I love you’ and we NEVER hugged.

I desperately wish we hadn’t been comforted with food as both me and my dbro are very overweight and I have severe binge eating disorder.

I wish exercise would have been an integral part of our lives but it wasn’t and I now hate exercise. I was allowed to sit and read and stuff my face constantly.

I wish that dental hygiene was made to be a big deal.

I wish I had been taught how to manage money properly and to keep a house. I am terrible at housework and spend money as soon as I get it.

I wish we had been made to DO things. Neither of us are very motivated and are not go getters.

It’s only now as a parent that I realise how messed up I am and that I am repeating the pattern. Because I have a terrible relationship with food and hate exercise I am inflicting it on my dc and I don’t know how to change.

I just wish things had been different.

I know - having kids in your mid 30's is normal now, but 40+ years ago it was quite old. Or seemed it to me - I knew my parents were a decade older than my friends parents.

I was 40 when I had my youngest and I really hope I live a longish healthy life and can meet some dgc and help my dc. Feel sad that my dc have never really had my lovely parents in their lives (one dead, one with dementia).

I wish my mum could have controlled her temper, she had a very short temper.
My earliest memory is of her and my dad fighting and my sis and I were sent to the neighbours house so we were out of the way. I remember coming back home to broken glass everywhere.
My parents divorced and I remember my mum fighting with boyfriends as I got older. They were so loud that the whole street heard. One time she took an axe to her boyfriends car which was parked out the front of the house.
I remember the shame of walking out of the front door afterwards thinking that everyone knew what was going on.
Her temper had a massive impact of my self esteem.

I wish my mum had been less angry and more interested in me - she spent a lot of time resting on her bed .

I wish she showed me even a fraction of the affection I show my own children

I wish my dad had stood up to my mum more often

Everything. My mother was a terrible parent...I've been told my several people it's amazing that I've turned out ok. I try not to hold
It against her (maybe she didn't know better, I don't know) although I'm honest with her if it comes up and she knows I think she was awful. Saying that, if I were to pick one thing I would say that she wouldn't hug me or show any physical affection and that's had a knock on effect for me.

I wish my mum got us counselling following the sudden death of our Dad.

I wish she had got help for herself too.

I wish I didn't go through my childhood with untreated MH issues and with a mum who was wrapped up in her MH issues.

I love my mum and she did her absolute best but she was a single parent and suffered with depression. She was very lonely and longed for a partner and I knew it. Then when she did meet her partner he was in the military and I was forced into moving hundreds of miles away from my friends, I was a teenager so this was a big deal and I was miserable for a long time.

I'm a single mother now myself and I've vowed never to do the same to my DS so I don't date at all.

I wish my parents did things together and as a family. They never had friends around or went socialising with friends, unless it was my DM's birthday or one night out at Christmas and that was for an entertainment evening at the local workingmen's club, although my Dad would socialise down the club regularly.

Family days out would be a trip to a specific beach, when the tide was right out so my Dad could go crabbing. Once he returned we packed up and went home.

He would take us to a local seaside town on the only day in the summer holidays when the weather was shit, we'd walk along the pier and go home, no slot machine fun, no ice cream. The whole day out would be one and a half hours and 50 minutes of that was taken up travelling to and from home.

As an adult I'm incredibly anti social and prefer to stay at home. I occasionally go out with friends but I never invite them to my home even though there is nothing stopping me. I seem to have a mental block which I believe stems from childhood.

They were mostly great but my mum has this thing where she would never, ever say sorry. I don't know why but my dad totally indulged it. Even now she will never admit any fault and apologise, but brush things off.

Mine are so trivial.

I wish my mum had been less over-protective and controlling. When I was 14, she wouldn’t even let me go shopping in the town centre with my friends.

I wish I’d been encouraged to do exercises to help me stay supple. My range of movement is so limited.

I wish I’d had the opportunity to learn another language at a young age.

My mothers fav sentence.. I wouldn't do that if I were you...
I was the rainbow baby (sorry to those that adore the term but I hate it) I was the child that was born because 2 had died. I wasn't born out of want or love. Boy did I know it.

I wish my mum would have told me she loved me.
I wish she hadn't vented her frustrations out on me physically ( kicking me on the kitchen floor , screaming in my face, dragging me around from age 4 etc)

I wish my dad had been interested in me and not showed up one day leaving me waiting for him the next day with him not bothering to come (messed me up a lot as a child)

Wish my mum hadn't chosen her partners over me and my siblings and our safety at home.

Taught me how to socialise. And how to take compliments etc. I've found it really difficult to learn as an adult. They were otherwise great parents.

There's so much I wish was done differently.

I wish that mostly they sat and talked to me instead of shouting and screaming at me. I could've done with better communication tools.

I wish that they didn't expose me to films which were far too grown up for me to watch.

I wish that they had hid their criminal acts from me, instead of expecting me to help them hide their dodgy crimes.

I wish that I didn't have to help my mum with her work when she worked.

I wish that I didnt know half of my Christmas gifts were stolen.

I wish that they fed us decent food and helped teach us to cook.

I feel guilty saying this, but i wish that she had considered parenting when she decided to have other children, because it wasnt fair i spent my childhood bringing them up because she wasn't bothered.

I wish they didn't smoke the way they did.

I also wish that they gave me a thought when they would do things that were embarrassing (they never supported the charities my schools were supporting for mufti days or anything- they'd always tell me to tell the teachers they'd give the £1 to a charity of their choosing, and of course they never did

I also wish that they got me mental health help when I first had my problems knstead of telling me I had no right to feel suicidal.

Overall I had a happy childhood. My parents had quite a bad divorce when I was younger & I wish they had protected us from some of the nastiness. I wish my dad (who has MH issues) didn’t tell us some of the things he did such as he when tried to kill himself & I wish my mum had got counselling after the divorce. From what I gather my dad wasn’t a very nice man at all & even now, 30 years on she is still very hurt by some of his actions.
Amazingly all of us children have somehow compartmentalised my dads actions & have a good relationship with him. It makes me determined not to put my kids through any of that crap.
Small fry compared to what some people have been through.
Oh the dental hygiene thing too. My teeth are a mess.

I love my parents and we have a great relationship generally, but my mum has always had a really short fuse and while she was never violent she could get in really funny moods and do lots of shouting. It used to terrify me when I was younger and unfortunately my overwhelming feeling towards her was being scared. Like I said we get on so well now, but even though I’m nearly 30 my stomach just shrivels when she starts slamming doors and banging around. It’s made me so determined to never make my children feel frightened of me.

Not fat shamed me.

I continue to struggle with eating disorders aged 30.

I wish my mother had not hit me in the face whenever I displeased her. I wish she hadn’t forced us to follow her religion. I wish she hadn’t made me so hung up about sex that I was a virgin until I was 25. I wish she hadn’t highjacked my wedding by holding money over me. I wish she didn’t find it funny to push my buttons until I was so upset and angry that I was practically cross eyed, then she would laugh, poke her face at me, and keep going. She still does this. I have had problems with drugs and alcohol as an adult. She claims to be supporting me. This consists of her playing the martyr, guilt trips, claims to be more affected by my terrible behaviour than anyone else. I wish she wouldn’t attack my darling husband to me behind my back, including advising leaving him ( for no reason at all- I love him) because apparently I only got married to be like my sister, the golden child. My sister is Mum 2.0 . She either becomes insane with rage or she plays the victim if I dare contradict her.

I wish my mum wasn't an alcoholic