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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House Plans - Who Is BU?

114 replies

Furious123 · 30/08/2020 13:13

We bought a wreck of a house last year with plans to renovate and extend.

One of DH's good friend's is an self-employed architect and at the beginning of lockdown we commissioned him to draw up plans. Full rates, no special deal.

Despite being told we'd have a basic plan with 6 weeks, Five months in we are still waiting. It's now become a bit of a standing joke as every time DH asks for an update we're told "by the end of the week".

I have been more than patient but am absolutely at the end of my tether. The house is damp, draughty and too small for us - I can't face the thought of spending another winter here as things stand, without at least some formal plan in place. To top it all we've just come back from holiday to burst water tank Angry

I've pleaded with DH to just lay it on the line with friend and get him to admit he's too busy/doesn't want to do it, but DH just won't do it. He just sends jokey texts about 'wife proper cross now and threatening to leave if I don't get house sorted. Lol!'Hmm

I've also said several times that I'll contact friend and have an honest conversation and suggest we approach another architect, but again DH is adamant I don't, for fear I think, of damaging the friendship FFS!

Am beyond cross, sick of house, sick of friend, sick of DH!!

Think my point is WIBU to just ignore DH, ring friend and tell him we will use a different architect?

OP posts:
NancyNoNickers · 30/08/2020 13:14

YANBU-phone him tell him end of the week or new architect.Have you paid him? He isn’t treating you like a friend by leaving you both hanging like this!

Chamomileteaplease · 30/08/2020 13:18

OMG your husband sounds incredibly weak and wet! I feel so sorry for you.

His texts are incredibly PA and useless!

YANBU - you could say to your husband, look you've had it your way for five months, FIVE MONTHS, now we are going to do it my way.

And you phone him because frankly I bet my bottom dollar that if your husband phones him and you listen to the conversation you will want to kill him.

KatherineOfGaunt · 30/08/2020 13:18

The thing is, if you are paying him in his professional capacity then he has a duty to treat it as he would any other contract. Would he leave other clients waiting 5 months with excuses?

I would ring him and say end of the week or you'll get someone else. You are paying him juat as much as your DH is so you're entitled to get in touch about the services provided too.

If it damages the friendship with your DH then he only has himself to blame, treating you differently from his other clients.

MistressMounthaven · 30/08/2020 13:24

I would try to get out of it - how is this going to go on with such totally rubbish service so far. And a husband who won't speak sensibly to him.
What about - Sorry X, I see you are really over worked at the moment, we might rethink our plans with Covid continuing and difficulties getting builders, so will shelve the project for the moment. Sorry for the inconvenience. Byeeeee

Original poster
Furious123 · 30/08/2020 13:26

Thank you, glad it's not me just being stroppy!
DH has just been out and told me me has left a voice message for friend saying we need plans ASAP .

Didn't give friend a deadline though and now cross at me for suggesting an ultimatum Angry

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 30/08/2020 13:29

He just sends jokey texts about 'wife proper cross now and threatening to leave if I don't get house sorted. Lol!

If my OP referred to me like this I'd stab him.

DeRigueurMortis · 30/08/2020 13:31

YANBU

He might be a friend but your paying fir this service and are thus a customer.

If this friend treated all his clients this way he wouldn't have any, so the reality is he's abusing the friendship here by offering a low quality service because he thinks he can get away with it - and he's right because your DH is letting him get away with it.

After 5 months your well within your rights to drop him and hire someone else and I'd do just that.

He's demonstrated you're not a priority client and as such even when you get the plans how can you be confident that he's done his best work or just thrown the first idea that came to him on paper?

TheTrollFairy · 30/08/2020 13:32

I would be angry.
Do you have his number? If so, I would call him and say that you are not prepared to wait any longer as 5 months is a long time to be nowhere further forward. Ask him if he wants the work and if so then he needs to treat you like any other client as you are paying the full rate and if not you will find someone else

Original poster
Furious123 · 30/08/2020 13:34

This is made all the more awkward as I am friends with his DW. Fuming that I've been put in this position.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 30/08/2020 13:36

I’d call him on Tuesday (tomorrow bring a bank holiday) on his office number and have a sensible, non-confrontational conversation with him. It’s what you’d do with any other client-service provider relationship, isn’t it?

Imagine what project-managing this will be like if even getting to the plans stage is so stressful?

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 30/08/2020 13:36

Have you paid?
What a ridiculous agreement. He must have known that you'd not want to wait months.
If you haven't paid then just ignore him. Get someone else to do it.
I'd not even ask DH. I'd just say I'm getting this person to do it now, tell Bob the builder not to bother anymore.

DeRigueurMortis · 30/08/2020 13:39

@NoSquirrels

I’d call him on Tuesday (tomorrow bring a bank holiday) on his office number and have a sensible, non-confrontational conversation with him. It’s what you’d do with any other client-service provider relationship, isn’t it?

Imagine what project-managing this will be like if even getting to the plans stage is so stressful?

This....and remember you're as much his client as your DH so you're well within your rights to contact him directly.

Just be calm and professional (unlike him).

DragonPie · 30/08/2020 13:41

Have you paid?

ulanbatorismynextstop · 30/08/2020 13:46

I would just contact the architect and tell him you e instructed someone else now so no need to worry about doing the work.

Suzi888 · 30/08/2020 13:48

YANBU if you haven’t paid get someone else (it can take awhile though)

Hadjab · 30/08/2020 13:49

Are you 100% certain he knows he’s getting paid, and isn’t assuming it’s a free job, as this might explain his reticence?

Original poster
Furious123 · 30/08/2020 13:49

No he hasn't been paid yet but that was what he suggested and was agreed.

OP posts:
DragonPie · 30/08/2020 13:51

I would just tell him you’ve found someone else. Your DH isn’t not going to do it. How long is he going to wait?

Original poster
Furious123 · 30/08/2020 13:51

@Hadjab

Are you 100% certain he knows he’s getting paid, and isn’t assuming it’s a free job, as this might explain his reticence?
If he believes this he should have the professionalism to raise it. He has no reason to think he wouldn't be paid
OP posts:
CelestialSpanking · 30/08/2020 13:52

You were told 6 weeks and it’s been 5 months. He’s constantly fobbing you off with bollocks promises. I’d sack him off as a lost cause and find someone else. And I’d tell him that myself rather than leave it to your weak as piss husband. I hope you haven’t paid him yet.

DragonPie · 30/08/2020 13:52

Is it possible he didn’t want the work and didn’t know how to say no?

Original poster
Furious123 · 30/08/2020 13:57

@DragonPie

Is it possible he didn’t want the work and didn’t know how to say no?
Who knows?? He says one thing but his actions are the opposite
OP posts:
DragonPie · 30/08/2020 13:58

Just bite the bullet. Stop waiting for your DH to do it, he isn’t going to. Tell him you’re tired of living in a cold draughty house.

Reviewsplease · 30/08/2020 13:59

Unfortunalty this is one of the reasons you shouldn't deal with friends.

We used an "aquantaince" for major work ok the house. He left major issues, got very nasty, twisted loads of conversations, and is now trying to take us to court. We have many mutual friends which means I probably wont be able to carry on with my hobby where they are as he has been bad mouthing me.

Get out now, be polite and use someone you dont know so you can treat them like you would any other supplier or contractor. And learn from this when you choose your contractors to do the work.

The only people I could really rely on were my uncle and dad and that's cause I could be open and honest with them

Shoxfordian · 30/08/2020 14:00

As you haven't paid him then you should email and tell him you're not interested anymore and will use another firm. Your dh needs to stand up for himself

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