House Plans - Who Is BU?

[Furious123]

We bought a wreck of a house last year with plans to renovate and extend.

One of DH's good friend's is an self-employed architect and at the beginning of lockdown we commissioned him to draw up plans. Full rates, no special deal.

Despite being told we'd have a basic plan with 6 weeks, Five months in we are still waiting. It's now become a bit of a standing joke as every time DH asks for an update we're told "by the end of the week".

I have been more than patient but am absolutely at the end of my tether. The house is damp, draughty and too small for us - I can't face the thought of spending another winter here as things stand, without at least some formal plan in place. To top it all we've just come back from holiday to burst water tank

I've pleaded with DH to just lay it on the line with friend and get him to admit he's too busy/doesn't want to do it, but DH just won't do it. He just sends jokey texts about 'wife proper cross now and threatening to leave if I don't get house sorted. Lol!'

I've also said several times that I'll contact friend and have an honest conversation and suggest we approach another architect, but again DH is adamant I don't, for fear I think, of damaging the friendship FFS!

Am beyond cross, sick of house, sick of friend, sick of DH!!

Think my point is WIBU to just ignore DH, ring friend and tell him we will use a different architect?

Give him one more deadline for the end of the week and make it clear that if it’s not done by then, you’ll be going elsewhere.
I would also be assuming that he felt obligated to take the project on.
Deobligate him

Just go ahead and get a quote from another architect and tell your DH you have done so. If this forces him to properly chase the friend, you don't need to go ahead with the quote. If not, just use the other architect.

@Reviewsplease

Unfortunalty this is one of the reasons you shouldn't deal with friends.

We used an "aquantaince" for major work ok the house. He left major issues, got very nasty, twisted loads of conversations, and is now trying to take us to court. We have many mutual friends which means I probably wont be able to carry on with my hobby where they are as he has been bad mouthing me.

Get out now, be polite and use someone you dont know so you can treat them like you would any other supplier or contractor. And learn from this when you choose your contractors to do the work.

The only people I could really rely on were my uncle and dad and that's cause I could be open and honest with them

Yes I'm inclined to agree.

Part of the reason we originally approached this friend was because DH really rates his work and has completed many projects similar to what we want. Also wanted to lend a bit of support when work was thin on the ground at the beginning of lockdown.

Wish we'd swerved right round him and gone elsewhere in the first place.

I wouldn’t use him.

Email him, tell him you’ve found another firm with no conflict of interest to avoid any further awkwardness, and then get someone else employed.

What will happen if his plans are crap? Or he makes a mistake with them and have reason to need seek redress from him? Or you aren’t happy with the first draft and need them revising?

I would call him first thing Tuesday.

Tell your husband this is going to save the friendship rather than ruin it.

5 months would have made me livid with him and already caused awkward and bad feelings.

I have friends whose bathroom renovation is still not complete after 18 months because they won’t put their foot down with the person doing it.

If you'd paid mates rates this would almost be understandable, but shit - but if you've paid/are paying full whack, it's diabolical.

If you've paid, ask for your money back and get someone else to do it.
If you haven't paid, pay someone else.

Stop letting your wet DH just text the guy - contact him directly by phone or in person yourself.

YANBU and those ‘jokey’ texts would annoy the hell out of me too.
The weather is turning OP, find someone else and get the work started ASAP.

He hasn't been paid so you are completely off the hook. Just say: We're going to get someone else to do it. It's obviously not a priority for you and we don't want to fall out over it, so we've gone with X instead.

It would be really tricky if you'd paid him, but you haven't, so don't worry.

Yep, it's a non-issue if you haven't paid - just go with someone else.

Can I just check - you bought this house LAST YEAR 2019 and you still don’t even have plans because your husband is so pathetic ????

Ok I’m going to be blunt here so prepare yourself .

My advice to you is that you don’t have the skill set , mindset or personality and a strong enough marriage to even think about doing a major renovation project. Save yourself years of heartache and a probable divorce / murder - sell the house and buy something ready to live in.

Not everyone is cut out to renovate properties - it’s not a moral failing to decide that it’s not for you.

Otherwise the only way you can possibly do this is project manage it all yourself, make all decisions and keep your husband as a labourer. But many men can’t cope with this as they want to make all the decisions and be seen to be a Big Man but have someone else do all the work. I fear your husband is one of these.

Also many contractors have major issues working for women and will try to circumvent you all the time. You need to be tough with them and with your husband and I’m not sure that’s for you.

If you decide to go ahead - do not use this architect. Just email and say he’s obviously very busy as you have been waiting 5 months for first draft of plans so you have decided to instruct someone else.

Oh and I agree with @Reviewsplease - never use friends. Keep everything businesslike.

But honestly I don’t think renovation is for you.

Are your sure your DH wants the house extended ?
Seems a very strange thing to be joking about and procrastinating over.

Get out of it if you still can. This is just the first step, imagine the delays further down the line.
We had the same with a family member we trusted absolutely. We lost 40k (thankfully mitigated by rising house prices) and we no longer speak.
So if you want to save the friendship, stop the project.

I would actually go to his office first thing Tues and ask to see the 'draft' plans. It wouldn't surprise me if he has nothing. I wonder if he sees other clients as 'more prestigious' and is prioritising their work with a view to future recommendations. 5 months is rediculous!

Go for it - another architect. You don't want all this at the very beginning - this is supposed to be the easy part. Please don't get any builder friends!

If you're friends with his wife, ask her round for a coffee and catchup in your garden.

Despite being told we'd have a basic plan with 6 weeks, Five months in we are still waiting.

How has it got this far?
Call Tuesday, let him know this doesnt seem to be working for him, it's not working for you, so thank you but you will engage someone else.

Is he otherwise ok? Swamped at work or short of business and struggling? Health problem? I might be a bit worried about him. But nonetheless it's clear he cant take this job on so save the friendship by relieving him of the commission.

Is it actually an architect you want? Is he doing all the calcs, building regs applications too? For a residential home I'd use a structural engineer/chartered surveyor. Much simpler.

I would try to get out of it - how is this going to go on with such totally rubbish service so far. And a husband who won't speak sensibly to him

This ^^

No need for any unpleasantness over it - as a PP suggested, just tell him it's obviously not working for you all and instruct the sort of professional who'll approach this properly

Have you actually paid him yet?

If not just sack him (nicely). He'll probably be relieved.

Sorry, but you may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, tell dh you’re finding someone else. He’s already in a mood with you, take advantage!

@ALLIS0N

Can I just check - you bought this house LAST YEAR 2019 and you still don’t even have plans because your husband is so pathetic ????

Ok I’m going to be blunt here so prepare yourself .

My advice to you is that you don’t have the skill set , mindset or personality and a strong enough marriage to even think about doing a major renovation project. Save yourself years of heartache and a probable divorce / murder - sell the house and buy something ready to live in.

Not everyone is cut out to renovate properties - it’s not a moral failing to decide that it’s not for you.

Otherwise the only way you can possibly do this is project manage it all yourself, make all decisions and keep your husband as a labourer. But many men can’t cope with this as they want to make all the decisions and be seen to be a Big Man but have someone else do all the work. I fear your husband is one of these.

Also many contractors have major issues working for women and will try to circumvent you all the time. You need to be tough with them and with your husband and I’m not sure that’s for you.

If you decide to go ahead - do not use this architect. Just email and say he’s obviously very busy as you have been waiting 5 months for first draft of plans so you have decided to instruct someone else.

Oh and I agree with @Reviewsplease - never use friends. Keep everything businesslike.

But honestly I don’t think renovation is for you.

whoa there!

Actually we have successfully completed this type of project before and our original aim was to always live in the house for a year before starting work. Get to know the property, experience the changing seasons, decide what can stay, what needs to go, How much more space is needed, budgets etc etc
All good due diligence stuff

Only error so far is approaching a friend to draw up plans. Lesson learnt!

The friendship is already damaged now, so if I were you I'd ignore your DH's concerns and get another architect to draw up the plans. If the "friend" complains, say you felt the constant delays were his way of saying he didn't really want the job but was too polite to say.

The house is damp, draughty and too small for us - I can't face the thought of spending another winter here as things stand,
our original aim was to always live in the house for a year before starting work.
I know these are not entirely contradictory, but they are confusing. If you can be this unsure here, perhaps you are similarly unsure in other communications?

Don't use him, don't pay him and call up and explain it's taken too long and he's not kept to his part of the agreement so you are going with someone else.

@ALLIS0N

Can I just check - you bought this house LAST YEAR 2019 and you still don’t even have plans because your husband is so pathetic ????

Ok I’m going to be blunt here so prepare yourself .

My advice to you is that you don’t have the skill set , mindset or personality and a strong enough marriage to even think about doing a major renovation project. Save yourself years of heartache and a probable divorce / murder - sell the house and buy something ready to live in.

Not everyone is cut out to renovate properties - it’s not a moral failing to decide that it’s not for you.

Otherwise the only way you can possibly do this is project manage it all yourself, make all decisions and keep your husband as a labourer. But many men can’t cope with this as they want to make all the decisions and be seen to be a Big Man but have someone else do all the work. I fear your husband is one of these.

Also many contractors have major issues working for women and will try to circumvent you all the time. You need to be tough with them and with your husband and I’m not sure that’s for you.

If you decide to go ahead - do not use this architect. Just email and say he’s obviously very busy as you have been waiting 5 months for first draft of plans so you have decided to instruct someone else.

Oh and I agree with @Reviewsplease - never use friends. Keep everything businesslike.

But honestly I don’t think renovation is for you.

Blimey, that's some jump from OP saying a friend is letting her down to deciding she doesn't have it in her mentally to complete a renovation! What an assumption.