House Plans - Who Is BU?

[Furious123]

We bought a wreck of a house last year with plans to renovate and extend.

One of DH's good friend's is an self-employed architect and at the beginning of lockdown we commissioned him to draw up plans. Full rates, no special deal.

Despite being told we'd have a basic plan with 6 weeks, Five months in we are still waiting. It's now become a bit of a standing joke as every time DH asks for an update we're told "by the end of the week".

I have been more than patient but am absolutely at the end of my tether. The house is damp, draughty and too small for us - I can't face the thought of spending another winter here as things stand, without at least some formal plan in place. To top it all we've just come back from holiday to burst water tank

I've pleaded with DH to just lay it on the line with friend and get him to admit he's too busy/doesn't want to do it, but DH just won't do it. He just sends jokey texts about 'wife proper cross now and threatening to leave if I don't get house sorted. Lol!'

I've also said several times that I'll contact friend and have an honest conversation and suggest we approach another architect, but again DH is adamant I don't, for fear I think, of damaging the friendship FFS!

Am beyond cross, sick of house, sick of friend, sick of DH!!

Think my point is WIBU to just ignore DH, ring friend and tell him we will use a different architect?

Actually I wouldn't give a deadline, I'd just say that you're going to go with someone else. Almost the worst thing would be to have waited for ages and then have the friend rush something half-baked to you quickly which you'd resent paying for.

I agree with everyone OP, do not go with this 'Friend'. Did you sign anything contracts etc yet ? End this situ asap

After this you have to sort out planning permission and the plans may need to be altered. Another time scale issue.

I genuinely wouldn’t instructor an architect who is a friend
There is numerous cases of legal action resulting from loose vague AI

Since he hsn’t been paid it’s very easy to deal with. Send an email saying as he’s clearly to busy you’ll take the project to another architect. You need to tell him in writing though otherwise he’ll rock up with plans in 6 months and will demand payment.

Blimey, that's some jump from OP saying a friend is letting her down to deciding she doesn't have it in her mentally to complete a renovation! What an assumption

My opinion isn’t based on the friend letting her down. It’s how the husband has coped with the friend letting them down.

Contractors will let you down. Stuff like this happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts.

The OP is frustrated and upset with a damp draughty and wet house that’s too small , yet they don’t even have plans 9 months or more down the line. Yet her Dh response is to blame her in a text to his mate.

He won’t let her contact the man in case it looks bad on him. He’s prioritising this friendship over his wife.

That’s not good.

She’s probably NOT going to do the work with that architect but she’s almost certainly doing it with her husband. It’s how they work together that Matters here and the sighs aren’t good.

Again, just in my opinion.

I have renovated 4 properties and I’m in the middle of one right now. It’s not as easy as on the TV programmes and it’s really not for everyone. There’s no shame in that.

Change architects! They have kept you waiting for 5 months. You all are the ones that shd be pissed.

YADNBU

Get rid immediately and don't waste any more time on him. We quickly binned off our team on the first self build we ever did because they weren't responsive in any way. I believe anyone can self build/renovate and women can successfully project manage if they want to.

Tell your husband that you are going to find a new architect this week or you really will leave.

Just ring him say will they be ready next week or should i get someone else.
You are paying full price theres no need for jokey text or for DH to ring just ring him yourself

Either change now or set a very short deadline and be resolute and stick to it 100%.

And never use friends for anything else to do with the house again.

Just think what working with this bloke would be like going forward. He's giving you a very good idea of how he behaves. It's unlikely to get better. Agree a make-or-break deadline with your husband, tell the architect. If he doesn't deliver, move on. There are architects crying out for work. You don't need to hang around waiting on a dud.

I would not use this architect now. Advise him ASAP that his services are no longer required - don't brook any excuses from him, tell him you have appointed another architect (don't say who). Then find 2 or 3 architects, get quotes and then plans drawn up. Don't involve wet DH in this, just do it yourself.

Jeez! I think he hasn’t even started the job.
I would email and say that you are eager to get moving on the work, that clearly isn’t working for him and so you are going with someone else.
I would also tell your DH that he agrees this or else he will be explaining to his mate why you are living somewhere else!
Has his DW ever said anything to you about it?

Amd Allison looks like she needs a wee lie down.

@midsomermurderess

Amd Allison looks like she needs a wee lie down.

Not patronising at all.

Are you usually this rude to women having opinions ?

No. It's you pompous outpouring at someone you don't know that I find ridiculous. And, in fact, patronising.

YANBU

YANBU. I would skip DH and go directly to the friend, tell him you want plans by X date or you’ll be finding someone else.

They’ve put you in this position and he’s happy taking the piss so you should have no qualms about being assertive with him.

Hire another architect, this “friend” is doing you no favours, ring another Tues and don’t mention it again to the “friend”.

I'm guessing you've not even had a first draft of plans, so you don't even know if what he is drawing up is what you'd like to do. My worry that it's taken this long to (not) get a plan, how long will any amendments take?
Can you speak to your friend about why it might be taking her husband this long to draw them up, or is that not possible?

@giletrouge

The house is damp, draughty and too small for us - I can't face the thought of spending another winter here as things stand, our original aim was to always live in the house for a year before starting work. I know these are not entirely contradictory, but they are confusing. If you can be this unsure here, perhaps you are similarly unsure in other communications?

The context of the OP’s statements was that there was a purpose to living there for a year without changes (I.e. a reason to put up with it being horrible) and that it’s the idea of doing it again without that purpose and with no timeline for having it finished, that she is desperate to avoid. There is nothing “unsure” about that

I would look around for another architect. Your friend hasn't done the work and isn't going to.
It's not going to work.
Source another architect. You could tell the friend there is another architect you have been put in touch with who really really needs the work. The friend needs an 'out' to get out of doing this work for you as he really has a big problem doing it for you.
It could get really awkward over the money transactions and chances are the friendship will be ruined anyway over that if it proceeds with the friend.

Ring around a few architectural practices on Tues and get a couple to come out and give you quotes for their services.
Then sack the "friend" - don't involve your DH or you'll be waiting until hell freezes over. The guy has had his change and has wasted all summer, don't let him force you into spending winter in a cold and damp house.

OP would it be a good stepping stone to firing the friend to contact them and, rather than ask for the plans immediately within a week, ask for documentation of any and all work he has done on your project so far so that you can gauge progress? That might give you and your DH more of an in for discussing the project and your needs without it being either jokey banter between DH and architect or a brusque firing (though I tend to think the brusque firing is the way to go, I see how that’s difficult without your DH onboard).