House Plans - Who Is BU?

[Furious123]

We bought a wreck of a house last year with plans to renovate and extend.

One of DH's good friend's is an self-employed architect and at the beginning of lockdown we commissioned him to draw up plans. Full rates, no special deal.

Despite being told we'd have a basic plan with 6 weeks, Five months in we are still waiting. It's now become a bit of a standing joke as every time DH asks for an update we're told "by the end of the week".

I have been more than patient but am absolutely at the end of my tether. The house is damp, draughty and too small for us - I can't face the thought of spending another winter here as things stand, without at least some formal plan in place. To top it all we've just come back from holiday to burst water tank

I've pleaded with DH to just lay it on the line with friend and get him to admit he's too busy/doesn't want to do it, but DH just won't do it. He just sends jokey texts about 'wife proper cross now and threatening to leave if I don't get house sorted. Lol!'

I've also said several times that I'll contact friend and have an honest conversation and suggest we approach another architect, but again DH is adamant I don't, for fear I think, of damaging the friendship FFS!

Am beyond cross, sick of house, sick of friend, sick of DH!!

Think my point is WIBU to just ignore DH, ring friend and tell him we will use a different architect?

Bypass your DH. Send an email saying you appreciate that he must be busy now and as you need plans asap you are going to instruct someone else.

Thanks anyway, hope to see you both soon

Furious

And why is your DH worried about upsetting him and damaging the friendship, when the 'friend' clearly doesn't give a toss?

@Nanny0gg

And why is your DH worried about upsetting him and damaging the friendship, when the 'friend' clearly doesn't give a toss?

He should be more worried about upsetting his wife, and damaging their marriage.

You haven't paid or signed anything. I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum. Just disappear and get someone else in. Give the new person a deposit and then tell your husband what you have done. I wouldn't want him working on my house, he won't do his best after all this chasing.

Oh dear, I forgot we only agree and hangwring along with OP 🤣
unbearably rude 🤣
If you read back, OP herself said she dreaded another winter in the house yet has done nothing and here she is nearly in September, I think I’m ok with what I said.

I actually think @SBTLove was spot on
There need to be a rigour and ability to stay on top of tasks and an overview of what contractors, architect, builder are up to.
Op describes living in a “wreck” with significant refurbishment required and it’s been like that for 5 month
The op and her husband haven’t had the ability to Chivvy along the architect, who’s a mate
How are they going to cope with contractors

The op and her husband haven’t had the ability to Chivvy along the architect, who’s a mate
How are they going to cope with contractors

If you RTFT you would know the OP has already said she and her DH have successfully completed this type of project before. So they obviously are capable with normal contractors. It just the friend aspect that is causing problems.

Confronting friends is always difficult but your dh is putting his relationship with a friend above his relationship with you.
My dh hates difficult conversations but if he knew I was unhappy with a contractor, friend or not, he would sort it properly.

Your dh needs to send a proper email giving a delivery date for the plans or you go elsewhere.
This guy is clearly prioritising other work or he wouldn't be earning anything.
He doesn't see the friend relationship as that important or perhaps he treats all his friends like this.

@SBTLove

Oh dear, I forgot we only agree and hangwring along with OP 🤣 unbearably rude 🤣 If you read back, OP herself said she dreaded another winter in the house yet has done nothing and here she is nearly in September, I think I’m ok with what I said.

Indeed, because the ONLY two options available to us are (1) agreeing/handwringing and (2) condemnation. Nothing in between is Allowed.

I have rtft as you put it, the op is in a wreck of a house & unable to have a difficult conversation
It’s irrelevant that they’ve done a house up, at present there’s no action from the architect mate for 5 month
Currently she’s hoping,hinting,asking her dp to chivvy the mate along
Winters coming and the house is still a “wreck”

the op is in a wreck of a house & unable to have a difficult conversation

Errr, no.

the OP indicated right there in her opening salvo that she is perfectly willing to have that difficult conversation but asked if she would be unreasonable to do so given her DH (whose friendship is at risk if she does) is against it.

Hardly a statement that she is unable to do it.

how are you OP ? are you any farther forward 🌺

@Furious123

YA NOT NOT NOT BU

Nor any if the other unfair & frankly ridiculous things you've been called (people need some fresh air or something).

Tell Drippy YOU are going to engage another Architect. His only choice here is which one of you tells his slack mate.

If you go with Slack Mate, any changes you want will take fucking forever & be a complete nightmare. Don't let the pair if them do that to you!!

ooh i feel your pain. we renovated our 1st house and we asked a family member belonging to my DP to carry out most of the work.

I will never do this again! We got better service from the people we werent related too!
we wanted him as his work is great but he often sent other people to do the job when he had specifically said he would be doing it. Also trying to get him to keep a date was IMPOSSIBLE and of course my DP was so frustrating and practically scared to speak to him. Turns out he was doing the same to another family member.... signed up to do work for them but buggering off during the day to do another job!

Such a shame as his work is great but he takes on way too much work instead of completing one job at a time! We have outstanding work to be completed but we have sourced another contractor as i cant be dealing with the stress of it!

We had issues with our architect too but he was just lazy and always full of excuses! ooh the relief to have nothing more to do with him!

good luck with the rest of your renovations and hopefully things get moving soon! Its not easy but so worth it in the end :)