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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wish more people know that ADHD persists into adulthood?

148 replies

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 11:52

Also that there was more awareness of the actual symptoms and problems it causes?

While we're at it it would be good to dispel the myths and stereotypes that create a lot of stigma and lack of belief around the condition..

I was diagnosed in my early 40s having spent my whole life believing I was just a bit useless and incapable, which has really affected my self esteem over the years.

Turns out it's an actual difference in my brain, certain areas develop differently causing executive function difficulties. This is thought to be caused by problems with the levels of available dopamine in the brain. So people with ADHD love things which give a dopamine hit, e.g. mobile phones, video games and in some cases high risk behaviours and addiction.

The stereotype of the little boy in class misbehaving and bouncing off the walls is so unhelpful. Girls and women are the most underdiagnosed due to this. ADHD can be classed as several different presentations : primarily inattentive (daydreamer, distracted) primarily hyperactive-impulsive (fidgety, can't sit still, very talkative, but also internal "busy mind") and combined type (some of both sets of symptoms). (Very basic summary).

Things that have been hard for me:

*Anxiety, which comes from having a million thoughts in my head. Thoughts can be worries, ideas, thinking about something I said last week and always a pervading sense that I've forgotten something really important because..

  • Working memory problems. It's really, really hard to remember things if I don't write them down or set a lot of reminders. Also some of the million thoughts that pop up can push out that important appointment I'm going to after work.

*Procrastination. I want to do the thing but starting it ("task activation") is so ridiculously hard. I then go to avoiding the bad feeling by doing something else. Maybe something useful, often Facebook doom scrolling. :(

*Time blindness. People with ADHD have a really poor sense of how much time has passed and also difficulty estimating how much time a task will take and if they therefore have time to do it. I feel humiliated when I think of all my years of being late for work no matter how early I got up and not being able to explain it.

*Talking too much, blurting out things I didn't mean to, accidentally interrupting people.

*Impulse buying - how much money I've wasted i don't know.

*Emotional over reaction. I tend to snap easily. Especially if I'm busy and interrupted, partly because of forgetting what I was doing and also ...

*Inability to filter out distractions. Noises, people talking, all those thoughts again.

*Getting stuck on something, commonly known as hyperfocus. This can be anything, I must finish a book even if it's almost 2am, research buying stuff for 4 hours, occasionally tidying out a cupboard, but I might not get everything put away after starting. Blush

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but I'm feeling quite strongly about raising awareness of this since starting medication and suddenly feeling almost capable of things for a change. I'm calm, I can start boring or hard tasks more easily and can see them through. Not perfect but better.

This is only true while the medication is in my system, but even during those hours it's a revelation.

I feel like I can be a better parent, partner, employee.

I now have an explanation for many things that have happened in the past. I was constantly told I was capable of better, needed to try harder and I knew myself I understood what to do, it just never seemed to happen the way I wanted.

I'm not "out" at work as having ADHD, but I'm really considering it as I imagine all the other women, men and children wondering why the fuck they keep having the same problems every day.

I came across a description of ADHD by accident, which I think is really common. Or people are diagnosed right after their children - it's common for it to affect several members of a family.

So if some mumsnetters can help with busting some myths and misinformation I'm sure it'll be a bonus.

I've "met" many people on here recently who are in the same situation as me, bumping into them on various ADHD related threads.

Feel free to improve or add to my totally rambling, too long summary/rant. Blush

OP posts:
BinRaidingRaccoon · 30/08/2020 12:16

No, I'm about the same age as you and could have written this post (but obviously didn't get round to it).

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 12:41

@BinRaidingRaccoon 😂

Im sure it'd be twice as long if I wasn't taking medication. I post like I talk. Blush

OP posts:
WeMarchOn · 30/08/2020 12:43

I was diagnosed with ASD at 33, i spent too long not understanding myself, now i do but others still don't get me x

Blanca87 · 30/08/2020 12:58

I'm considering going for a diagnosis for all the reason you cite. I have hears bad stories about going through the NHS. However, £1500 is steep price to pay to go private I'm just unsure. Can you tell me how you coped during Lockdown?

Blanca87 · 30/08/2020 12:58

*heard

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 13:05

I still worked through lockdown so that didn't change for me, just having the kids around all the time was very... loud.

I was referred on the NHS, but received a letter just after lockdown started,saying that local adult mental health services weren't accepting new patients at the moment, only emergencies. I decided to use savings to go private eventually. I think it will cost about £1000 in total. The assessment was £360, then the cost of working with an ADHD nurse to start medication, plus private prescriptions and having to pay for the medication. I'm hoping to get a shared care arrangement so I'll get NHS prescriptions once I'm on a steady dose. not sure what I'll do if they say no!

OP posts:
babyguffingtonstrikesagain · 30/08/2020 13:23

Thank you OP for posting this. I am 38yo and exactly as you describe. I first became aware of adult ADHD symptoms when researching for a pupil in my class. I have been considering going for a diagnosis but when I told my DH he just burst out laughing 😕

Blanca87 · 30/08/2020 13:25

That's really helpful. Thank you.

GettingUntrapped · 30/08/2020 13:35

My husband got a diagnosis around seven years ago. GP said it was best to go private first if we could afford it. He did, and had to pay for the prescriptions for a few years. Took about 3 years to get NHS assessment. NHS wouldn't pay if they hadn't diagnosed. They now pay, but GP surgery prolonged the wait as they didn't want it on their budget as it's expensive.
We are in London.
It's a very underfunded area of psychiatry/medicine.

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 13:42

My DH was a bit bemused too babyguffingtonstrikesagain .

He had commented a lot on what I thought were my personal failings - forgetting stuff, horrendous procrastination, not listening to people, interrupting others over the years.

He had already kind of suggested I might need some 'help' as I've been all over the place for as long as I can remember.

He's still not entirely convinced i don't think, especially with the cost of it. But he's been supportive of me doing it, even if he says he can't see that much of a difference yet. 😏

OP posts:
Jadetreesbringluck · 30/08/2020 13:43

Currently debating paying privately for assesment. I was researching for my son (awaiting assesment) and it was like a bloody lightbulb!! I am covinced I have it but unsure if I can afford to pay for it. I am going to wait for sons diagnosis, if positive then I will go for myself. I think it would be really helpful for my self esteem and idebtity I am very hard on myself for struggling to 'adult'.

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 13:49

Pretty similar to me Jadetrees. I've not told my DC yet about my diagnosis yet, I kind of don't want to preempt their assessment. I've had confirmation from school that the assessments will be going ahead now, just hope it's not too long.

OP posts:
aLilNonnyMouse · 30/08/2020 13:53

I'm starting to believe I do have ADHD (inattentive type) as I keep reading things like this and it all resonates so much. I tried talking to my psychiatrist about it, and while she didn't dismiss the idea, she said there is no point sending me to get tested.

In my area there is a 5 year wait list for the ADHD adult assessment centre and its going up every day as they have been trying to recruit staff for over 2 years.

If anything is going to change then we need better services and more training in schools to pick up on it.

I found some of my old school reports recently and the comments on there are basically describing the symptoms. Page after page of "she's very bright but struggles to pay attention. Very unorganized/forgets things a lot. Bit of a daydreamer. Very easily distracted". I have no idea how it wasn't picked up on sooner.

ChaChaCha2012 · 30/08/2020 13:55

It's a very underfunded area of psychiatry/medicine

Every area of mental health is underfunded.

I have ASD and the specialist suggested I had ADD traits, but they don't assess adults in my area. Diagnosis has been helpful in that it has finally stopped other HCPs trying to 'cure' me. However it has also made me aware of the terrible stigma there is around ASD, ADHD in adults. If you read some of the threads on here, you'd think we're all incapable of responsibility and completely lacking in empathy.

It gets tedious trying to explain that different wiring does not mean wrong or faulty. We need understanding, not fixing!

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 13:58

Yeah I read my reports too. Very similar. I suppose in the 80s in the UK ADHD was barely a thing though, let alone for daydreaming chatty girls.

OP posts:
CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 30/08/2020 13:58

I came 'out' at work after being hauled over the coals for an admin error, as I had less than 2 years service I thought I may need employment protection. It's been a double edged sword to be honest. I have got reasonable adjustments in place now but I can tell my boss resents it a bit, eg she has to give me detailed written instructions before any new tasks which I know she finds a hassle, also I think she resents that she has to do this. I don't think there will be any opportunity to progress. Then again I do have employment protection and I'm the last person she goes to now if she wants any random admin tasks doing (my role is not an administrator but it's an add on to my main job).

I'm thinking of moving on anyway and I'm not sure how quick I'll be to come out again.

ghostyslovesheets · 30/08/2020 14:00

YANBU OP - Like others here I suspect I have ADD - my mum has always said so - I was medicated as a child for sleeplessness and impulsive behaviour (valium liquid!) but never diagnosed with anything

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 14:04

ChaCha yes it's hard to explain that our intentions are good, it's just difficulty with making it happen.

From the outside it totally looks like you're lazy/not listening/forget stuff because you don't care, but you don't have an actual explanation of why the thing happened/was not done/you forgot.

OP posts:
aLilNonnyMouse · 30/08/2020 14:07

@Moreattentionlessdeficit if it was the '80s I'd have more sympathy with the school, but I only left in 2006!

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 14:10

clouds I forgot to say I have actually told my manager and a couple of friends that I trust. The manager has known me a long time and I trust them.

But I know that if everyone at work found out I'd probably not feel comfortable.

It's all fairly new to me though, once I'm used to it I might want to do some more awareness raising ranting. 😂

OP posts:
Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 14:14

Ah that's rubbish @aLilNonnyMouse! Even adult ADHD was a thing by about 1994.

OP posts:
BinRaidingRaccoon · 30/08/2020 16:37

@Moreattentionlessdeficit Does anyone else really struggle with goal-setting? I'm trying to get back to work and I have no idea what I want to do.

I suspect given everything it'll be whatever I can find, but it would be nice to have something to aim for.

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 16:43

Yes, I've pretty much just drifted along through life. 😄

I struggle with any type of decision tbh. Blush

OP posts:
peacockbutterfly · 30/08/2020 16:48

Just in case it helps anyone going to university or other study, it is possible to get an adult assessment for ADHD for educational purposes only from a specialist teacher/assessor for around £500. It is not a medical diagnosis (so you can’t get medication) but does enable you to apply for Disabled Students Allowance and get extra help at uni

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/08/2020 16:52

I have ADHD but the type with hyper focus on things of little importance. I often get accused of “what aboutery” on mumsnet because I’ll just zoom in on one bit someone said that’s not really relevant to the core issue in the thread.

I could write more but really can’t find the energy to say more.

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