AIBU to wish more people know that ADHD persists into adulthood?

[Moreattentionlessdeficit]

Also that there was more awareness of the actual symptoms and problems it causes?

While we're at it it would be good to dispel the myths and stereotypes that create a lot of stigma and lack of belief around the condition..

I was diagnosed in my early 40s having spent my whole life believing I was just a bit useless and incapable, which has really affected my self esteem over the years.

Turns out it's an actual difference in my brain, certain areas develop differently causing executive function difficulties. This is thought to be caused by problems with the levels of available dopamine in the brain. So people with ADHD love things which give a dopamine hit, e.g. mobile phones, video games and in some cases high risk behaviours and addiction.

The stereotype of the little boy in class misbehaving and bouncing off the walls is so unhelpful. Girls and women are the most underdiagnosed due to this. ADHD can be classed as several different presentations : primarily inattentive (daydreamer, distracted) primarily hyperactive-impulsive (fidgety, can't sit still, very talkative, but also internal "busy mind") and combined type (some of both sets of symptoms). (Very basic summary).

Things that have been hard for me:

*Anxiety, which comes from having a million thoughts in my head. Thoughts can be worries, ideas, thinking about something I said last week and always a pervading sense that I've forgotten something really important because..

• Working memory problems. It's really, really hard to remember things if I don't write them down or set a lot of reminders. Also some of the million thoughts that pop up can push out that important appointment I'm going to after work.

*Procrastination. I want to do the thing but starting it ("task activation") is so ridiculously hard. I then go to avoiding the bad feeling by doing something else. Maybe something useful, often Facebook doom scrolling. :(

*Time blindness. People with ADHD have a really poor sense of how much time has passed and also difficulty estimating how much time a task will take and if they therefore have time to do it. I feel humiliated when I think of all my years of being late for work no matter how early I got up and not being able to explain it.

*Talking too much, blurting out things I didn't mean to, accidentally interrupting people.

*Impulse buying - how much money I've wasted i don't know.

*Emotional over reaction. I tend to snap easily. Especially if I'm busy and interrupted, partly because of forgetting what I was doing and also ...

*Inability to filter out distractions. Noises, people talking, all those thoughts again.

*Getting stuck on something, commonly known as hyperfocus. This can be anything, I must finish a book even if it's almost 2am, research buying stuff for 4 hours, occasionally tidying out a cupboard, but I might not get everything put away after starting.

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but I'm feeling quite strongly about raising awareness of this since starting medication and suddenly feeling almost capable of things for a change. I'm calm, I can start boring or hard tasks more easily and can see them through. Not perfect but better.

This is only true while the medication is in my system, but even during those hours it's a revelation.

I feel like I can be a better parent, partner, employee.

I now have an explanation for many things that have happened in the past. I was constantly told I was capable of better, needed to try harder and I knew myself I understood what to do, it just never seemed to happen the way I wanted.

I'm not "out" at work as having ADHD, but I'm really considering it as I imagine all the other women, men and children wondering why the fuck they keep having the same problems every day.

I came across a description of ADHD by accident, which I think is really common. Or people are diagnosed right after their children - it's common for it to affect several members of a family.

So if some mumsnetters can help with busting some myths and misinformation I'm sure it'll be a bonus.

I've "met" many people on here recently who are in the same situation as me, bumping into them on various ADHD related threads.

Feel free to improve or add to my totally rambling, too long summary/rant.

I have been screened for ADHD through work. I scored as inattentive ( as adult & child) not hyperactive. Am also being screened for ASD.

Oops what I forgot to mention is I accidentally voted YABU not YANBU doh!

I understand your frustration OP, but you cannot expect the public to know the ins and outs of every medical condition, in case they happen to come across it. That simply isn’t realistic.

I have a chronic illness that has a lot of ‘myths’ surrounding it, and people regularly come out with stupid stuff. But they’re trying to be kind and show an interest, so I just smile and nod, or gently correct them.

@Wondermule

I understand your frustration OP, but you cannot expect the public to know the ins and outs of every medical condition, in case they happen to come across it. That simply isn’t realistic.

I have a chronic illness that has a lot of ‘myths’ surrounding it, and people regularly come out with stupid stuff. But they’re trying to be kind and show an interest, so I just smile and nod, or gently correct them.

But surely it's not wrong to say that we should educate and be more open about the condition in order to raise awareness and dispel these myths? I doubt OP is expecting people to be ADHD experts as it's still a relatively recent acknowledgement that it can affect adults. They just want more of these discussions to take place so we can learn as a society.

@CheesyCheddar17

But then we would have to do that for all conditions, which would be an enormous endeavour, and people wouldn’t remember anything. It smacks of being a bit self important, that the entire public should be educated on a condition just because you have it. When there are thousands of conditions out there.

[quote Wondermule]@CheesyCheddar17

But then we would have to do that for all conditions, which would be an enormous endeavour, and people wouldn’t remember anything. It smacks of being a bit self important, that the entire public should be educated on a condition just because you have it. When there are thousands of conditions out there.[/quote]
Do you often get quotes like this one when people hear about your condition?

"Only time I ever hear of adhd being used about adults is in mitigating circumstances after they've committed a crime"

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

Of course I get stupid comments. Gently correct them, and move on. And for what it’s worth I have never ever heard someone say that exact quote, it sounds like an idiotic one off.

I’ve been wondering whether to speak to the GP. Both my DC have ASD but I also majorly struggle with adulting, always have and in my 50s now.

I have debts you would not believe and I just ignore them. Realistically there’s not much the companies can do to me. I don’t drive and rent from a HA (won’t ever get a mortgage) so they can’t get blood out of a stone. And they mostly get written off after 6 years. I’ve already been through a couple of cycles where that happened. But the fact is I don’t even worry, I know I should, but I genuinely don’t. I also genuinely don’t mean to get into debt. But sometimes I just think fuck it and it’s almost like someone else takes over. But I need to sort myself out in that way or I’ll be facing a miserable retirement.

I’ve also had a lot of risky sex (no protection, 1 night stands with strangers) and again it’s like I have no control over it. I don’t “want” to do it but it’s like I just can’t say no. I’ve slept with guys I wasn’t even attracted to. I hate it and friends say to me, just don’t do it, but I don’t understand why they find it so easy to say no and I find it so hard. That’s stopped for now as adult DC are at home and covid, but I don’t want to be like that anymore. I’m getting old now! And I do feel ashamed about it.

I’ll have crazy ideas and just plough ahead without thinking of the consequences. Like the time I handed in my notice and used all my savings to live abroad for 6 months! I mean it was fun, and I got a job when I got back. I suppose i was lucky it worked out. But those sorts of things should be planned out and all eventualities considered. I just made a snap decision and within 2 days it was booked and my notice was handed in.

I know people reading this will probably just think “well take responsibility, sort yourself out etc” and there’s been times when I’ve tried, but I just can’t sustain it. I think even I thought I would “mature” at some point and everything would click into place but it hasn’t.

I have managed to sustain a career but only by switching to freelancing and choosing my own work to a degree. So I usually swap roles every 2-3 years. I’d get too bored otherwise.

I have thought a lot about whether some kind of diagnosis would help me. For a long time I didn’t really think it would but then there is medication, I think maybe CBT, etc that might help so then I think maybe it is worth it. I don’t know.

[quote Wondermule]@ZZTopGuitarSolo

Of course I get stupid comments. Gently correct them, and move on. And for what it’s worth I have never ever heard someone say that exact quote, it sounds like an idiotic one off.[/quote]
I copied that quote from someone above in this thread - I guess you didn't bother reading the whole thing. And yes, it's exactly the sort of comment that you get when you have ADHD, sadly.

You really think it's self-important to wish people were educated enough not to make that sort of comment about people's conditions? How depressing.

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

How do you propose we educate every member of the public on every health condition then?

Conversations are good. Encouraging rather than discouraging conversations is also good.

Personally, my approach has been to try to talk to people openly about it, hear their thoughts, gently correct them when they are misguided (and mostly ignore them when they're being vile, like the poster above), and encourage others to talk about it too.

I join in with threads like this to encourage others to seek help, and to guide them on how to find it. I share my experiences.

In return, when others talk about their conditions, I listen, ask questions, correct my misconceptions, and keep an open mind. I remember that there's a lot I don't know, and I try to learn the things that will help me understand other people better.

One thing I have found is that as soon as I mentioned to other parents that my son had what we call a 504 Plan (I'm in the US), they felt able to talk to me about their children's 504 Plans, and I learnt a huge amount about what other children are going through. I discovered just how many children have different conditions that are impacting their lives and learning. I hope that through those conversations people would feel less shame and be able to be more open.

Oh, and I don't expect people to understand all the ins and outs of every condition, but there is a huge amount of misunderstanding out there about adult ADHD, including an enormous number of people who still believe that it doesn't exist.

Simply educating people that it exists as a condition would be a good start.

Thanks for the post OP!

I am in my 40s, been as you describe all my life - has made it very hard indeed - my nephew just got diagnosed so I think I am going to go and find out about it as I strongly suspect I am.

If anyone has any good private assessment or resources recommendations that would be great - maybe we could get a regular thread going?!

Although this is an old thread it's very timely. I'm 40 this year and I have my adhd assessment on 19th March. Everything in the op resonates with me.

Op my family say our son will "grow out of it". I could scream. They would never say that about autism

DD saw a psychiatrist today who confirmed based on questionnaires, school reports, family history and the questions he asked her that she has ADHD and has prescribed meds. I'm really hoping this helps - I think it will, having seen how much it helped her brother.

He thinks it's the root of her other issues - anxiety, depression, self-hatred - but he's going to see her again in a month, and has also referred her to a counsellor who knows their stuff.

He also says the likelihood is that I have it. I'm contemplating seeing a psychiatrist myself. Although generally I feel like I get by OK in life, one thing I have learnt about this is to trust the specialists, so perhaps I should.

He said it's the most genetic of all the mental health disorders he sees.

I’m almost forty. I’m pretty sure I have it, your list pretty much fits me completely. How did you get a diagnosis? Can you do it on the NHS? I’m under psychology for anxiety but I feel there is much much more to it than that.

BTW the psychiatrist also recommended a book - The Adult ADHD Tool Kit.

@audweb - I'm not sure how it works in the UK. My DS was diagnosed by a psychologist here in the US, and DD by a psychiatrist, so I'd say either can do it, but the UK may well be different.

@Frozenintime

Op my family say our son will "grow out of it". I could scream. They would never say that about autism

Its frustrating isn’t it, I’m 33 and have ADHD, I respond really well to my medication and when medicated my symptoms are thankfully very minor.

When I’m not medicated its a nightmare. I had to be unmedicated for a few weeks recently, because of that I had to be signed off work as I just wouldn’t be capable of doing my job. I was talking to my partner about the bits of ADHD he can’t see in my behaviours, a huge thing is memory. You know when you have a dream and when you wake up you just have a few hazy memories of the dream? Thats what my short term memory is like when I’m not medicated, you could tell me exactly where you had hidden £1,000,000 and I wouldn’t be able to retrieve enough of that memory to remember where to claim my jackpot.

Time is hard as well, when I’m not medicated I just can’t approximate how long something will take, so if we’re leaving the house in ten minutes I don’t know if I have time just for a wee, or if I have time for a wee, a shower, breakfast and a bit of TV. I can’t keep track of time, so I’ll either constantly check the time or constantly ask what the time is as I’ve forgotten I checked the time so I can’t remember what time it was when I checked.

I may be 33, but ADHD doesn’t just go away, if anything it becomes more problematic as you have more responsibilities/things to manage.

Such an interesting post OP. You have described my 13 year old who has ADHD perfectly. It is such a misunderstood condition. I wish there was more acceptance and understanding about it in society generally and especially within the education system. People do just think - naughty boys and inept parents, at least that has been much of my experience.

I may be 33, but ADHD doesn’t just go away, if anything it becomes more problematic as you have more responsibilities/things to manage.

This is such an important point.

Not yet diagnosed here, but I totally agree that managing what I believe to be ADHD gets harder not easier as you get older. Juggling kids, bills, work, etc... I feel like I’m failing across the board, but particularly with work...

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

I may be 33, but ADHD doesn’t just go away, if anything it becomes more problematic as you have more responsibilities/things to manage.

This is such an important point.

It really is. I'm edging ever closer to the titration meds - people in online support groups have described them as like having the blinkers taken off, and they couldn't believe how much energy they'd been expending for years - even decades - trying and often failing to do stuff.

I don't know about some of you but I personally feel in my mid 40s I've STILL not quite got a handle on being an adult and coping with day to day life auditing (might have a lot to do with trauma up to and including my teens and being stuck in that mindset). At least things were organised for you for the most part when younger.

What are the benefits and how will your life change? I think that would depend on what is most difficult or inexplicable for you, and this can vary a lot between people.

A lot of people I have known with ADD have had some huge strengths in some areas - really gifted at some areas, which can suggest that they are gifted in everything. Quite magnetic to see or hear when engaged in their thing. On the other hand, there will be some real blind spots as to other abilities, which they will try to cover up as a measure of protection (I speak for myself here too). This is not unusual but I think that an ADD-er would try to channel the things they are terrible at as a kind of 'translation' into the function that does work as a compensation. This is a bad idea as it can be exhausting but you don't realise it. An example here is lots of written or visual prompts, like a 'programme', to prop up memory, or spending a long and focussed time (at 11 at night) on things that others would do much more easily. Most people don't cut slack to ADD-ers because they think they just aren't making any effort to conform. Seen this work quite cruelly in a 6 year old and then in a 55 year old boss.

If exhausted, all functions can run down, and this leads to greater anxiety, a demand to 'discipline' yourself which won't work ('why can't I do X...?), and thin skin in terms of reactions and relationships. Treating for anxiety or depression didn't seem to do very much so treatment, understanding, and support for ADD can actually get somewhere rather than keeping the cycle above churning into a habit.