AIBU to wish more people know that ADHD persists into adulthood?

[Moreattentionlessdeficit]

Also that there was more awareness of the actual symptoms and problems it causes?

While we're at it it would be good to dispel the myths and stereotypes that create a lot of stigma and lack of belief around the condition..

I was diagnosed in my early 40s having spent my whole life believing I was just a bit useless and incapable, which has really affected my self esteem over the years.

Turns out it's an actual difference in my brain, certain areas develop differently causing executive function difficulties. This is thought to be caused by problems with the levels of available dopamine in the brain. So people with ADHD love things which give a dopamine hit, e.g. mobile phones, video games and in some cases high risk behaviours and addiction.

The stereotype of the little boy in class misbehaving and bouncing off the walls is so unhelpful. Girls and women are the most underdiagnosed due to this. ADHD can be classed as several different presentations : primarily inattentive (daydreamer, distracted) primarily hyperactive-impulsive (fidgety, can't sit still, very talkative, but also internal "busy mind") and combined type (some of both sets of symptoms). (Very basic summary).

Things that have been hard for me:

*Anxiety, which comes from having a million thoughts in my head. Thoughts can be worries, ideas, thinking about something I said last week and always a pervading sense that I've forgotten something really important because..

• Working memory problems. It's really, really hard to remember things if I don't write them down or set a lot of reminders. Also some of the million thoughts that pop up can push out that important appointment I'm going to after work.

*Procrastination. I want to do the thing but starting it ("task activation") is so ridiculously hard. I then go to avoiding the bad feeling by doing something else. Maybe something useful, often Facebook doom scrolling. :(

*Time blindness. People with ADHD have a really poor sense of how much time has passed and also difficulty estimating how much time a task will take and if they therefore have time to do it. I feel humiliated when I think of all my years of being late for work no matter how early I got up and not being able to explain it.

*Talking too much, blurting out things I didn't mean to, accidentally interrupting people.

*Impulse buying - how much money I've wasted i don't know.

*Emotional over reaction. I tend to snap easily. Especially if I'm busy and interrupted, partly because of forgetting what I was doing and also ...

*Inability to filter out distractions. Noises, people talking, all those thoughts again.

*Getting stuck on something, commonly known as hyperfocus. This can be anything, I must finish a book even if it's almost 2am, research buying stuff for 4 hours, occasionally tidying out a cupboard, but I might not get everything put away after starting.

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but I'm feeling quite strongly about raising awareness of this since starting medication and suddenly feeling almost capable of things for a change. I'm calm, I can start boring or hard tasks more easily and can see them through. Not perfect but better.

This is only true while the medication is in my system, but even during those hours it's a revelation.

I feel like I can be a better parent, partner, employee.

I now have an explanation for many things that have happened in the past. I was constantly told I was capable of better, needed to try harder and I knew myself I understood what to do, it just never seemed to happen the way I wanted.

I'm not "out" at work as having ADHD, but I'm really considering it as I imagine all the other women, men and children wondering why the fuck they keep having the same problems every day.

I came across a description of ADHD by accident, which I think is really common. Or people are diagnosed right after their children - it's common for it to affect several members of a family.

So if some mumsnetters can help with busting some myths and misinformation I'm sure it'll be a bonus.

I've "met" many people on here recently who are in the same situation as me, bumping into them on various ADHD related threads.

Feel free to improve or add to my totally rambling, too long summary/rant.

[quote Moreattentionlessdeficit]@Lovely1a2b3c I also went to Psychiatry UK. The waiting list in my area didn't even seem to have started back up yet so my referral is presumably parked somewhere.

You can pick a day and time for PUK. So I impulsively booked and gave myself about 4 days to complete all the pre assessment info and checks. Did not think that through.

I've written to the GP saying what was going on and have asked about shared care once I'm on a dose that works, but I haven't heard back.[/quote]
Oh great- thank you!

I'm so interested to read all of this, thanks for posting. I'm also at the stage of researching getting a diagnosis after realising all my 'traits' are symptoms.

For those who have been living with this day to day for a while (and recognising it as ADHD) do you have any tips or advice on how to manage symptoms without medication?

Um. Never trust your brain.

Externalise everything.

Set timers, calendar reminders, alarms for everything, for when you don't notice time passing.

Write everything down or add to your phone calendar right away, never assume you'll remember later.

I'll try to add a bit later but that's the gist of it.

I think that's from Russell Barkley's book. Taking Charge of Adult ADHD.

Ds was quite clearly ADHD but I didn’t see it as I was exactly the same.

When I did get round to asking for a test for him he was dismissed as not having ADHD before we had got out of the lift.

Ds is reasonably intelligent but I has 2 GCSEs, I have no qualifications.

I have done so many jobs that I have lost count. If I work for more than 6 weeks doing anything I get bored and need to change.

Ds like dd and like me flits from job to job. I don’t think either of my children are ever going to do a 9-5 job
Dp recounted to dc how I used to work at something. It was so random that they didn’t believe him at first.
They are constantly amazed at what I have done job wise and what I can turn my hand to.

I am always late for everything even though I think I have left in good time.
I can identify with all the symptoms on the list

Only when reading the list of symptoms when Ds was looking to be tested in college did a lot of what I do/don’t do/avoid is about ADHD.

Dd was diagnosed ADD in senior school but she too thinks she ticks the boxes for ADHD and is thinking of getting herself tested.

I am watching this thread with interest.

I would go to my GP but they are pretty useless.
One told me there was no such thing as allergy testing so testing for ADHD might be a step too far.

It is an eye opener to have your life explained over several paragraphs

I love this channel, but just had to share this video somewhere because I think the concept of a "Dopa-menu" is absolutely BRILLIANT! I am going to show DS1 this video tomorrow, and maybe we can make one together. This is our biggest issue right now.

That is a good one Bertie.

Anything to reduce the getting stuck on Facebook doom scrolling for me

YY. I liked her explanation that facebooking when you're bored is a bit like eating crisps and chocolate when you're hungry, because the actual lack of dopamine is part of what's causing that lethargy and inability to start anything more complicated.

Regarding ADHD diagnosis, I was diagnosed too a while back and set up this support group to celebrate it - please join and spread the word. We meet every Wednesday online. www.meetup.com/Empowering-the-ADHD-tribe/

I have just been diagnosed and its light a weight has lifted. Its not my fault!!! Yay

Will follow this thread with interest

I asked my GP to refer me via the Right to Choose thing, and I got booked in for a Zoom assessment within two weeks. I don't know if I just got really lucky or what.

I'm a bit scared though, because I don't have anyone who can act as an independent reporter or really anything to show what I was like as a child. I barely remember my childhood! Has this been an issue for anyone else.

YANBU at all. It's ridiculous how ill-informed we are about our own brains! I, and many people I've spoken to, have only had their 'eureka!' moment after coming across posts on social media or apps. At least five people have told me that they were encouraged to ask for an assessment after watching TIKTOKS

I'd also like to add that it honestly makes me fume that resources are so scarce for adults. The GP said that there were no adult specialists in my area, so in the end I had to go private.

I also think far more people are neurodivergent in general than anyone realises. It's crazy how being diagnosed makes you that much more aware of people showing ADHD symptoms, isn't it?

Placemarking. Need to reread and concentrate!

For those wondering what a diagnosis does other than allow you to access medication: my diagnosis at 27 changed my life entirely.

Before, when I sat on the sofa for 2 hours sobbing exhausted frustrated tears because I didn't understand why I couldn't make myself just get up and take a shower like a normal person, I was angry at myself and ashamed and frustrated. I felt as though I was worse than other people, because I couldn't go thought > action.

Now I am able to plan my entire life round the fact that some things (boring things, things with stress or emotional or social toll attached) require a different approach. Showers are non-negotiable if I'm going somewhere (I give myself a really short time deadline before I leave to get ready which often helps) but if I'm just working from home and I'm not going anywhere for 3 days then it's not the end of the world if I can't make myself do it. That allowing myself some leeway and working with the way my brain does (short immediate deadlines prompt action, long or vague deadlines create procrastination and lakc of executive function) removed the shame and makes it a function of who I am, not a bug.

Same with forgetting things. Instead of being angry at myself for forgetting things, I accept that's how my brain is and I take the steps needed to avoid that if it's really, genuinely important - appointments, etc. That kind of stuff goes on every one of the lists, blackboards, post-it notes, and phone task apps I have. And if it's not that important I am okay with forgetting some stuff, I have accepted I have limited capacity for 'life admin' so the important stuff gets dealt with first and I allow myself the room to let the other stuff go instead of feeling shame and guilt.

I have a job now where I can largely set my own hours. If I sit down at 9am and I open 17 tabs and feel my eyes sliding off every email because I can't focus to read 4 lines, I just don't. I go and do whatever will product the dopamine instead - I have a playlist of songs I can't help sing along to, I have an enormous selection of wanky fruit teas to give me a tiny 'ooh haven't had this in a while!' dopamine hit, I give myself permission to play a game for a little bit. And if I'm struggling to get going at all (common) I use the pomodoro method to maintain focus for short bursts.

I don't beat myself up because the house is almost never as clean or tidy as I'd like. I accept that I have a disorder that makes that difficult, and I just ride the hyperactive wave when it comes and clean EVERYTHING to a stupid hyperfocused extent. Then the rest of the time, I do what I can.

It sounds so simple but it freed up so much of the brain space I had that was being used to beat myself up for being useless and lazy and disorganised, and it gives me a narrative that goes: you wouldn't be mad at a person with a broken leg being unable to walk on it, you'd give them a crutch instead. I've allowed myself coping mechanisms instead of seeing them as weaknesses. And you could do that without diagnosis, but so much of the shame and self esteem issues that come with ADHD meant that having a medical professional confirm what I thought with a diagnosis meant I could stop telling myself I was making excuses.

The medication helps too, though!

Interesting this came up right at this moment. DD age 19 and very successful at school and university is seeing a psychiatrist next week to look into a diagnosis. Her brother is diagnosed and successfully medicated and gets the support he needs at school.

I suggested a few years ago that she go for assessment but she was adamantly against it. Now, hitting crisis point, her university counseling service have referred her for assessment, and the more she learns about it the more she realizes it's likely she has it.

It can be hard to diagnose it especially when combined with depression and anxiety, continuing to get high grades, yet feeling utterly exhausted. The psychiatrist she's going to see recognized adult ADHD back in the 80s when people didn't really believe it was a thing, and I'm hopeful she will get the help she needs.

The more it's talked about on here and elsewhere, the more hopeful I become that people with ADHD will start to get the understanding and support they need.

Goodness, everything in your post rings true for me aside from the timekeeping aspect. I'm always faaaar too early for everything as I misjudge how long things will take and also I think I'm anxious about being late due to my mother being a worry wart about time when I was a child. Everything else exactly describes my life... wondering if I should explore that further 😬

I too automatically assume hyperactivity when I hear the term ADHD. My friend was also diagnosed in adulthood but she definitely fits that stereotype of lack of impulse control, really rash destructive etc. medication has done wonders for her too.

Glad you got answers OP and that things improved for you

I agree and I think the same is often true of autism too. I genuinely don’t want to derail the thread but I was diagnosed as autistic aged 40 and identify with all the difficulties you list in the op. I would just like to point out to anyone that feels this fits for them, that autism carries the very same executive functioning challenges. So to anyone identifying with these traits, look up autism in females too, in case this fits. People’s idea of autism often comes from our ideas of male autism. It can present very differently in women.
I hope that was ok to mention, just a lot of people don’t realise there’s such a high crossover between ADD and ASD

Only time I ever hear of adhd being used about adults is in mitigating circumstances after they've committed a crime

My husband was diagnosed at 39 on the NHS he waited about 14 months, the waiting list is at least 12 months. He is medicated and finds it helps him keep more level rather than suffering mood swings, being snappy ect. It helps him remain focused and he can also get obsessive about things. He describes it as being in his head and he can't stop thinking about it. The medication helps this aswell. He feels it helps him understand why he has struggled so much , he has low self esteem and this has helped him understand why he couldn't do some things. We have had a brilliant experience with the NHS and the service he is under is very supportive. The medication reduces his appetite so he has to try and make sure he eats enough, he also feels tired once it has worn off and on the first day they increased it he felt agitated and a bit odd when it wore off but apart from that he has had no negative side effects.

This has. Been really interesting to. Read. I typed out a huge rrposne but lost my way with it and deleted it.

I identify with everything on your list op. It's impacting my working life at the moment now I don't have the in work office day structure.

I am conscientious and want to do well. It's just like I can never live up to my expectations.

Working from home has not been good for me as I need the structure of my normal workplace to help me be productive.

I am master procrastinator. My husband lovingly (it is a little joke that I don't mind) "half job Annie". My head is always full of thoughts and I would love to switch it off. I have suffered from anxiety in the last so don't know if it's a sign of that rearing its head or something more.

I'm going to do some reading (ie buy a book but never get around to reading it).

@therocinante - I wish I could accept that my house will never be as tidy as I’d like. That is the thing I feel the most shame about! I come from a very neat and house-proud family, so all the criticism about being messy/clumsy/“scatty” started at a very good young age, so maybe I’ll never be able to undo that.

@moreattentionlessdeficit - I am ‘out’ at work. It makes absolutely no difference in my current workplace, I’m don’t think my manager really believes it exists, and it certainly causes communication problems between us.

I can be very literal, so much so that she sometimes thinks I’m taking the piss, when I’m genuinely not. I also ask a lot of questions to get to the bottom of things , which means that if someone is winging it a bit/telling fibs then it can seem like I’m trying to call them out, when actually I am taking them at face value and assuming they’ve done the work or have the knowledge they said they have

However, in my old work place it definitely helped a lot. I had extra breaks allocated into my day and was allowed to sit in a quiet corner of the office (as I knew if I was “in the thick of it” in an open plan office that I would spend too much time socialising with my colleagues and not so much time working)

@kidsyogamama - I am going to join your group ! what a great idea, well done

This thread has been so interesting (need to read it in full) as I recently started a similar topic in mental health, although I’ve never been formally diagnosed.

So much resonates I don’t know whether to cry frustrated tears because I may have this condition, or cry happy tears that I no longer feel like some freak outsider who just puts on a series of performances to function.

The bit about short term tasks vs longer term / vague and procrastination and local of executive function particularly....wow.

I am in the process of being diagnosed and I recognise myself in everything you say.

Examples of things I find hard:

Cooking: a meal that should take an hour takes three because I get distracted and start new things and projects in between.

Cleaning: I tackle one thing and five minutes later I am standing in a different room holding seven items in a pile in one hand, with towels draped over my shoulder, a bag of rubbish under my arm, hoovering and trying to make the bed at the same time while looking round for the next thing.

Work: very difficult for all of the above reasons

Money: I got into over £20,000 debt years ago from impulse buys and self medicating to quiet my mind.

Relationships: I struggled in the past but am now with someone who has a similar mind to me and it works.

Friendships: I make and lose friends quickly. I am popular and the fun person to be around but I struggle to keep up with the amount of texting / calling / meet ups that need to happen and I end up withdrawing.

Sleep: switching off and night waking

I have to live my life in lists. Tick off one thing at a time, but it is still very hard. I have a lovely family, a good job, a nice home but I have had to work so, so hard to get here. It is exhausting.

The only thing I have always found relatively easy is parenting.

Interesting. Can I ask what medication worked for you?

Thing with ADHD is it shares so many symptoms with other conditions so is often misdiagnosed eg as EUPD or ASD or anxiety or depression or a mixture of conditions. People sometimes end up on mood stabilisers or anti psychotics before they get a diagnosis which complicates assessment further.

Then you have sensory processing disorders, for example someone could be hypersensitive to taste, touch, smell and have vestibular system problems that affect balance and coordination.

I think it’s great you’re trying to raise awareness, as it’s so often missed especially in females. If more young females were diagnosed and given specialist support it would help so much.

I think my parent has ADHD, it’s sad as it cost them a lot of relationships and a career. They are the oldest partygoer but lonely