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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wish more people know that ADHD persists into adulthood?

148 replies

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 30/08/2020 11:52

Also that there was more awareness of the actual symptoms and problems it causes?

While we're at it it would be good to dispel the myths and stereotypes that create a lot of stigma and lack of belief around the condition..

I was diagnosed in my early 40s having spent my whole life believing I was just a bit useless and incapable, which has really affected my self esteem over the years.

Turns out it's an actual difference in my brain, certain areas develop differently causing executive function difficulties. This is thought to be caused by problems with the levels of available dopamine in the brain. So people with ADHD love things which give a dopamine hit, e.g. mobile phones, video games and in some cases high risk behaviours and addiction.

The stereotype of the little boy in class misbehaving and bouncing off the walls is so unhelpful. Girls and women are the most underdiagnosed due to this. ADHD can be classed as several different presentations : primarily inattentive (daydreamer, distracted) primarily hyperactive-impulsive (fidgety, can't sit still, very talkative, but also internal "busy mind") and combined type (some of both sets of symptoms). (Very basic summary).

Things that have been hard for me:

*Anxiety, which comes from having a million thoughts in my head. Thoughts can be worries, ideas, thinking about something I said last week and always a pervading sense that I've forgotten something really important because..

  • Working memory problems. It's really, really hard to remember things if I don't write them down or set a lot of reminders. Also some of the million thoughts that pop up can push out that important appointment I'm going to after work.

*Procrastination. I want to do the thing but starting it ("task activation") is so ridiculously hard. I then go to avoiding the bad feeling by doing something else. Maybe something useful, often Facebook doom scrolling. :(

*Time blindness. People with ADHD have a really poor sense of how much time has passed and also difficulty estimating how much time a task will take and if they therefore have time to do it. I feel humiliated when I think of all my years of being late for work no matter how early I got up and not being able to explain it.

*Talking too much, blurting out things I didn't mean to, accidentally interrupting people.

*Impulse buying - how much money I've wasted i don't know.

*Emotional over reaction. I tend to snap easily. Especially if I'm busy and interrupted, partly because of forgetting what I was doing and also ...

*Inability to filter out distractions. Noises, people talking, all those thoughts again.

*Getting stuck on something, commonly known as hyperfocus. This can be anything, I must finish a book even if it's almost 2am, research buying stuff for 4 hours, occasionally tidying out a cupboard, but I might not get everything put away after starting. Blush

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but I'm feeling quite strongly about raising awareness of this since starting medication and suddenly feeling almost capable of things for a change. I'm calm, I can start boring or hard tasks more easily and can see them through. Not perfect but better.

This is only true while the medication is in my system, but even during those hours it's a revelation.

I feel like I can be a better parent, partner, employee.

I now have an explanation for many things that have happened in the past. I was constantly told I was capable of better, needed to try harder and I knew myself I understood what to do, it just never seemed to happen the way I wanted.

I'm not "out" at work as having ADHD, but I'm really considering it as I imagine all the other women, men and children wondering why the fuck they keep having the same problems every day.

I came across a description of ADHD by accident, which I think is really common. Or people are diagnosed right after their children - it's common for it to affect several members of a family.

So if some mumsnetters can help with busting some myths and misinformation I'm sure it'll be a bonus.

I've "met" many people on here recently who are in the same situation as me, bumping into them on various ADHD related threads.

Feel free to improve or add to my totally rambling, too long summary/rant. Blush

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 05/09/2020 15:32

I feel like I recognise some posters off a previous thread - sure it was related to how many windows you have open on your browser (mines currently 87) Grin

Not assessed, I started assessment at school's recommendation as I was daydreamy and they worried it was either ADD or I had a hearing problem, my DM stopped the assessment as: 'there's nothing wrong with my DC'. And that was that. Did well at school but deep down I know I didn't do my best and organisation and discipline was a struggle. My DS was assessed, again at school senco recommendation and was found not to have ADD although secondary school are supportive. It is in the back of my mind is it something I'm doing and it's learned behaviour on his part (despite my other DC not having issues) he has with organisation, daydreaming and immaturity? Have I overcompensated with trying to keep on top of everything and as a result sort of babied him? I'm very reliant on lists, calendars and alarms and can hyper focus with energy I don't know where the fuck it comes from. Also during DS assessment I did have a few unofficial comments that I should look into being assessed as I showed signs - despite me thinking I'm doing a good job keeping ontop of everything!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 05/09/2020 15:33

Sorry that was epic Grin

ChaoticGouda · 05/09/2020 18:57

YANBU, OP. I think of all the years and all the opportunities I lost to something I didn't even know I had, and it makes me want to cry.

I've only gotten diagnosed now, at 22. Little help from the local GP, who thought it was just anxiety. I had to fork out the money for a private assessment. And now the same GP practice is saying they can't do the physical tests? Hmm

BertieBotts · 05/09/2020 20:16

Errm yes I have 28 browser windows open right now :o

And my brain is doing that thing where you ask the computer to do too many things at once and it just freezes.

BertieBotts · 05/09/2020 20:24

But that is because I have been at work all day. It's a new job and I don't know what I'm doing yet. It's also in a language that I don't speak very well. So I spend the whole day listening to instructions that I only understand small parts of, going around giving advice to people when I only know a little bit about most of the products, utterly mangling the grammar and just hoping they can follow me anyway. Then I end up having to ask someone for help and they show the customer what to do while I attempt to follow and may or may not learn how to do whatever it is myself :o

I have NEVER done anything this energising and exhilirating - I absolutely LOVE it. But by the end of the day my brain is frozen up like a Windows 95 computer.

Onceuponatimethen · 05/09/2020 20:44

Op I could have written your op. I’m debating whether to seek a dx

Lovely1a2b3c · 05/09/2020 20:50

Hi Op,

Thanks for this helpful post. I am sure I have ADHD. How did you get your diagnosis?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 05/09/2020 21:03

BertieBotts - I'm exhausted reading that!

EyeDrops · 05/09/2020 21:57

So much of this rings true to me. So much. The anxiety, procrastination, poor time-keeping and forgetfulness, easily distracted. And it is so upsetting and frustrating - I feel constantly like I COULD do so much better. I just can't make myself. I know the things I need to do, have every intention and no reason not to, and yet I still just can't get them done.

I've just mentioned it to DH and he thinks I'm being a bit ridiculous and am normal. But I feel like a constant lazy failure. But I don't know how accurate my imagined comparisons to other people's lives are!

Moreattentionlessdeficit · 05/09/2020 22:28

@Lovely1a2b3c I also went to Psychiatry UK. The waiting list in my area didn't even seem to have started back up yet so my referral is presumably parked somewhere.

You can pick a day and time for PUK. So I impulsively booked and gave myself about 4 days to complete all the pre assessment info and checks. Blush Did not think that through.

I've written to the GP saying what was going on and have asked about shared care once I'm on a dose that works, but I haven't heard back.

OP posts:
ByStarlight · 05/09/2020 23:54

The advice to stop after 45 mins and take regular breaks has always bamboozled me; why break your flow never to be seen again.

This for me absolutely. I am a master procrastinator, but once I finally manage to start something, I need to continue with it until completion, or else I know I will totally lose the flow if I take a break and it will take days before I can get back into it again. I never understood the concept of regular breaks either.

DS has been diagnosed with ADHD, and I also totally recognised myself in all the traits during the assessment period/ online research into his condition.

BertieBotts · 06/09/2020 08:43

I can drown in time. The more I have, the harder it is to plan, so many possibilities... then I pick up my phone. Pre-smart phone, I would do it with books.

YY. I once made the observation "If I have nothing I have to do, then I go on my computer and surf the net. If I have no computer, I play games on my phone. If I have no phone, I read books/magazines. If I have no books or magazines I watch TV, any TV, if there is no TV, I fall asleep."

This was in the context with my being baffled as to how I manage to distract myself from EVERYTHING.

DS1 is very similar to me, gets sucked into phone/computer/video games/TV and struggles to cope with unstructured time. Trouble is it's exhausting trying to plan his every minute and he's 11! He needs to learn the skill for himself at some point.

Onceuponatimethen · 06/09/2020 08:58

Oh god I’m just the same - feel like I’m starting on a journey to recognise myself and maybe try to manage my life better

Onceuponatimethen · 06/09/2020 08:58

That was to you @BertieBotts

3rdNamechange · 06/09/2020 16:42

@Moreattentionlessdeficit is the PUK done online ? How much was it ? Different prices on the website from £125 - £450.

BlankTimes · 06/09/2020 17:32

rosiethehen
I can't read a book which is very distressing for me

Can you take in the information a different way, listen to it as an audiobook in a room or via headphones?

For everyone who has posted and recognised traits in themselves about lack of organisation and time management, do read a lot about executive function, it may give you some insight and strategies.
Also look at processing speed, that's about how long you take to process information you receive and explains things like long vague instructions not being the best for some people, they respond better to short and pertinent ones.

BertieBotts · 06/09/2020 18:27

I can read again since I got a Kindle (paperwhite) but I tend to do so while breastfeeding only - not sure when I will read once DS2 weans!

Siameasy · 06/09/2020 19:09

I identify with most of this. Overall I would say I have to try extremely hard to appear normal. So at school I under achieved because I never understood anything and would exit lessons realising not one thing had actually sunk in. We would’ve had homework set and I didn’t even know!
Another trait is RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). I believe I have this and it has made relationships very difficult.

Siameasy · 06/09/2020 19:10

Further I would say I have been called weird my whole life and it’s only now in my 40s I am trying to embrace it

Starlightstarbright1 · 06/09/2020 19:18

My ds is 13 and his prediominatey inattentive.

He isn't taken seriously as he isn't a behaviour problem tnough fidgety.

I imagine it will be much harder as he goes into adulthood.

I think the naughty boy syndrome is part if the problem. I think more people need to see the brain difference pictures.. however many do3want to hear it

moreattentionlessdeficit · 06/09/2020 20:23

@3rdNamechange

Yes it was an online video appointment for me. Plus there is info to send back before the assessment. I'm not sure if they do face to face in non pandemic times!

It's £360 for the assessment including a report/letter sent to your GP.

The other costs are if you want to try medication. I think it's £125 for the "titration" process. You work with an adhd nurse prescriber to try and get the right dose/type of medication for you. Plus £25 for a private prescription (I think) and obviously you have to pay for the cost of medication. Not how I want to spend savings but it's sort of worth it I think for me.

I believe in England if you don't have an adult ADHD service and maybe if the wait is ridiculous, you can request to be referred to PUK on the NHS through "right to choose". I've heard about this in a Facebook group, so not first hand info!

OP posts:
whydobirds · 06/09/2020 20:57

I've just been referred for ADHD and ASD diagnosis. I could have written your OP. I'm in my 40s.

Currently mainlining Brainzyme Focus Pro in the absence of prescribed meds and they're great, help me actually remember, do things and function.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 06/09/2020 21:02

YANBU

IndecentFeminist · 06/09/2020 21:19

Yanbu. I've been thinking for a while that this is me to a t, but by all accounts getting any sort of diagnosis won't be easy. Even dh agrees this is me😂

3rdNamechange · 06/09/2020 22:42

@moreattentionlessdeficit thanks for the information. Shame we have to spend Salk that money , but I know what a state the NHS MH services are in.
I can see ADD in adults would be a long way down the list of priorities.

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