AIBU to wish more people know that ADHD persists into adulthood?

[Moreattentionlessdeficit]

Also that there was more awareness of the actual symptoms and problems it causes?

While we're at it it would be good to dispel the myths and stereotypes that create a lot of stigma and lack of belief around the condition..

I was diagnosed in my early 40s having spent my whole life believing I was just a bit useless and incapable, which has really affected my self esteem over the years.

Turns out it's an actual difference in my brain, certain areas develop differently causing executive function difficulties. This is thought to be caused by problems with the levels of available dopamine in the brain. So people with ADHD love things which give a dopamine hit, e.g. mobile phones, video games and in some cases high risk behaviours and addiction.

The stereotype of the little boy in class misbehaving and bouncing off the walls is so unhelpful. Girls and women are the most underdiagnosed due to this. ADHD can be classed as several different presentations : primarily inattentive (daydreamer, distracted) primarily hyperactive-impulsive (fidgety, can't sit still, very talkative, but also internal "busy mind") and combined type (some of both sets of symptoms). (Very basic summary).

Things that have been hard for me:

*Anxiety, which comes from having a million thoughts in my head. Thoughts can be worries, ideas, thinking about something I said last week and always a pervading sense that I've forgotten something really important because..

• Working memory problems. It's really, really hard to remember things if I don't write them down or set a lot of reminders. Also some of the million thoughts that pop up can push out that important appointment I'm going to after work.

*Procrastination. I want to do the thing but starting it ("task activation") is so ridiculously hard. I then go to avoiding the bad feeling by doing something else. Maybe something useful, often Facebook doom scrolling. :(

*Time blindness. People with ADHD have a really poor sense of how much time has passed and also difficulty estimating how much time a task will take and if they therefore have time to do it. I feel humiliated when I think of all my years of being late for work no matter how early I got up and not being able to explain it.

*Talking too much, blurting out things I didn't mean to, accidentally interrupting people.

*Impulse buying - how much money I've wasted i don't know.

*Emotional over reaction. I tend to snap easily. Especially if I'm busy and interrupted, partly because of forgetting what I was doing and also ...

*Inability to filter out distractions. Noises, people talking, all those thoughts again.

*Getting stuck on something, commonly known as hyperfocus. This can be anything, I must finish a book even if it's almost 2am, research buying stuff for 4 hours, occasionally tidying out a cupboard, but I might not get everything put away after starting.

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but I'm feeling quite strongly about raising awareness of this since starting medication and suddenly feeling almost capable of things for a change. I'm calm, I can start boring or hard tasks more easily and can see them through. Not perfect but better.

This is only true while the medication is in my system, but even during those hours it's a revelation.

I feel like I can be a better parent, partner, employee.

I now have an explanation for many things that have happened in the past. I was constantly told I was capable of better, needed to try harder and I knew myself I understood what to do, it just never seemed to happen the way I wanted.

I'm not "out" at work as having ADHD, but I'm really considering it as I imagine all the other women, men and children wondering why the fuck they keep having the same problems every day.

I came across a description of ADHD by accident, which I think is really common. Or people are diagnosed right after their children - it's common for it to affect several members of a family.

So if some mumsnetters can help with busting some myths and misinformation I'm sure it'll be a bonus.

I've "met" many people on here recently who are in the same situation as me, bumping into them on various ADHD related threads.

Feel free to improve or add to my totally rambling, too long summary/rant.

Thank you for this thread.
You have described my 36 year old brother who has been looking into getting a diagnosis but it is taking a long time.
We have long suspected that if he was a child now he would have gotten a diagnosis but being that much older he was just the naughty boy at school.
Seeing all these "ways" has reminded me that I am not patient with him at all. I hadnt even realised things like not understanding how long a task takes could be related to ADHD - he will start cooking a meal (like a roast) that will take 3 or 4 hours, at 5 or 6 at night for example.
I will have a chat with him as I do get so frustrated and it is hard to remember that he is going through something like this.
Thank you again :) and you are right, I wish more people understood!!

...And completely anecdotal, but I suspect you may be able to tell a surprising amount from your reaction and relationship to caffeine (possibly other things too but haven't tried them). A cup of coffee generally has a relaxing and calming effect on ADD overkill, can make you feel it will help you to switch off enough to chill at some times of day when it really shouldn't.

I am 59 recently diagnosed via Psychiatry UK (paid privately £380 + meds etc).

I haven't found medication I can use yet - partially due to the main ones being unsuitable as I have mild hypertension.

I lost a good job as a result of my condition about 4 years ago and it had a profound effect. My GP advised me to "get back to work or you will end up stacking shelves in Tesco" - unhelpful and quite offensive to people who do that. I am now in another decent job, paid nearly as much as a GP, but it's a continual struggle.

I recognise everything in the OP and much of the other stuf fin this thread.

I am angry and resentful that I have been "diagnosed" with a "disorder". I don't feel as if I can deal with a lot of the requirements of modern workplaces - but I feel they are stupid and unreasonable.

I'd have loved to have pursued a career that played to my strengths but I've always chased the money and I am stuck with a lot of outgoings and people who depend on me so I feel trapped in having to at least try to achieve.

My DP is wonderful though - after so many failed relationships I have someone who sees me for who/what I am rather than just a lazy incompetent waster.

All my children have adhd diagnosis. I do wonder how much is dh and how much is me.

@Ormally

...And completely anecdotal, but I suspect you may be able to tell a surprising amount from your reaction and relationship to caffeine (possibly other things too but haven't tried them). A cup of coffee generally has a relaxing and calming effect on ADD overkill, can make you feel it will help you to switch off enough to chill at some times of day when it really shouldn't.

This is how I ended up (eventually) getting diagnosed - DH noticed my 2-a-day Red Bull habit and the fact that I could be calmer/focused/even nap after drinking them. He'd always joked I had ADHD as well (he was diagnosed as a kid and is the stereotypical 'hyper boy' presentation) but that is what convinced him haha.

YANBU, OP. It's only been a few years since diagnosis but my god its been a rollercoaster. I am so sad for my younger self and how angry and self-loathing I was because I felt useless. And making changes to my life to better suit me has made the world of difference - I'm self employed now, I WFH a lot of the time, I build time into my weeks and days for executive dysfunction and know when to ask the people around me to set deadlines to allow me that sweet adrenaline-induced ability to function.

But it is still a struggle and with both DH and I having ADHD, there are certain things that are always going to be chaotic - our house is frequently a fucking mess, parking fines are rarely paid on time, and it really underscored our wavering on whether or not we were really bothered about having kids - the thought of having a child and all the ways that would ruin the relative peace and function we've managed to create for ourselves was the final tick in the no column.

I was diagnosed in April this year after a sleep specialist met me once and told me he was so certain I had adhd , he could see it in my (awful) sleep and then meeting me confirmed it. When I read about it I was shocked that I had spent 30 odd years being given a hard time for all these things that actually had a name!!

Haha...I've been reading this thread and thinking this sounds like me and then after reading about your 912 tabs open, I thought I'd count mine...499 in private mode and 306 in normal mode. 805!! Yup, I think I'm in the club! Seriously though, thanks all for such insightful posts, they're really resonating with me.

Me too, I've actually just closed each one as I counted and it made me feel really anxious in case there's anything super important. But of course, I'd never have found it anyway having to search through 805 open tabs!

Oh and I asked DH how many he has open...

4!! Yeah, he's definitely not in the club.

Ah, fuck, I've got a little over 700 open.

Thought I only had about 50.

I'm always grateful to these types of threads as it reminds me I'm not alone!! And these is always good advice.

Currently part way through diagnosis with UK psychiatry as mentioned above (I'm 34). Obviously they're waiting on me to send them forms to move to the next step. Forms from March...

For those with kids with adhd, when do you realise? I keep watching my 4 year old son's behaviour, trying to work out what is normal, what isn't, as I'm aware there is a hereditary aspect.

41, diagnosed aged 29, changed my life. Inattentive type, going through uni for a 2nd degree with much more support than the first time when I thought I was just thick/lazy/mental. Well I was mental to be fair but that was because I had no clue what was wrong with me.
Just been part of a video resource for educating uni tutors on barriers neurodivergent students face. People at work don't tend to understand, they think you're 'normal' til you act weird then it's clearly obvious from their reactions that they've seen that odd side to you. It's all such hard work, that's why we're so persistent- we have to be!

Pretty sure my 14 year old daughter has it too but school have entirely the wrong idea about what I need them to look for. The SENCO told me 'I can't diagnose ADHD'. No shit, it took me 2 years of battling through as an adult 🙄 I'd asked for a specific list of traits to be looked at, not specifically adhd but neurodiversity generally. Makes you feel like you're causing issues when you're just trying to avoid all the mental health issues you've had to go through yourself

There are some really good resources on TikTok of all places on ADHD in adult women. Which I spend a lot of time on doom scrolling.

I identify with most of the traits but recognising them is helping me to be more aware of how it affects me - particularly the executive dysfunction and procrastination on dull tasks.

I now try to focus on breaking big tasks into much smaller tasks, so I at least get things started. And rather than focus entirely on the start of something (usually the reason I avoid it, eg - a big job in the garden, or decorating/cleaning, insurmountable work task) I try to focus on the outcome and how I'll benefit from it.

It's a work in progress but I'm really undecided on if I'll pursue a formal diagnosis.

Can anyone tell me though, what have you been prescribed and how effective is it?

I suspect that I may also have this and that many habits and routines I have developed over the years - alarms, writing things down, certain tasks on certain days - are all coping strategies. I have a perpetual jukebox running in my head, I’m easily distracted and impulsive and struggle to focus. I absolutely live on coffee. Thankfully I found a job which provides me with enough interest and variety but I really struggled in my last role. And living outside the UK, I’m not quite sure how to pursue a diagnosis.

@CrocodilesCry "Can anyone tell me though, what have you been prescribed and how effective is it?"

I'm currently on 50mg of Elvanse, which is afaik the first line of medication in the UK. It's helped a little, and I certainly have a slightly clearer mind at work, but it's not the complete eye-opener other people describe.

I had to go private due to previous struggles with my GP team and because of the cost and my general struggles with making appointments, I haven't contacted the specialist clinic in at least two months I know I should try another medication, but I've moved house recently and really can't afford the £200 appointment + medication costs.

But I'm so bloody sick of treading water at work and expending all my energy into performing the bare minimum. Makes me feel like an aimless child who is a burden on my team.

(Currently writing this when I should have been asleep at 10pm, whoops )

@WheresTheLambSauce Thanks, and sorry you're up late! Another thing I'm being really strict about is bedtime and trying to break my revenge bedtime procrastination habit. I do feel better for it but feel robbed of time.

If you have a dx can you not get your medications on the NHS?

I was initially prescribed Atomoxetine 40mg but I experienced very bad side effects so had to stop them.
Awaiting delivery of different drugs today hopefully they will be better. Doctor seems to be struggling to find anything compatible with my hypertension meds.

Hi all. I read through this thinking "this all sounds like me, I've found my people!" Only to see that I have commented already about three pages in!

Anyway, I went to my GP about anxiety recently and I mentioned the thought that I may have ADHD. I prefaced it with saying I knew I was a bit anxious about health, but he has referred me to psychiatry which is a first step.

I had a big project with work due yesterday and I started working on it ages ago to just "take the first step" as I always find it so hard. I think it took me about four times as long as the time allocated (did most of it in my own time).

I think I feel mostly like my head is full of thoughts and I long to tune some of them out.

I'm 31 and I am currently awaiting an assessment for ADHD. I was diagnosed with dyspraxia last month and my university is lining up an assessment for dyscalculia next semester.

I've spent my whole life feeling like a tomato in a fruit bowl so it's scary but validating to finally get some answers. Neurodivergency research has moved on so much in the last couple of decades, I'll bet there are a huge number of women whose difficulties were totally overlooked the way mine were.

Looking back at my time in school, or "funny" anecdotes my parents have told me about when I was little, the signs were all present, there was just nobody to put them together.

As I said before - I am not comfortable being labelled as having a "defect".

The fact is, the world of work and academia has been largely cooked up by a set of people with a particular set of priorities and behavioural characteristics which are entirely alien to me.

As we are only just managing to appreciate - I am very far from alone.

@DynamoKev you are not alone, and you are not defective!

@Adirondack thanks. I've been to the mountains and would love to go again.