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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SS needs to lose some serious weight?

118 replies

JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:39

I went shopping the other day for some new school uniform for my step son who is 14. He has always been slightly overweight so I bought him age 16 trousers. He tried these on and they would not go near him. To cut a long story short we had to but him 36 inch waist trousers from the men's section and to me I think that's totally unacceptable at his age. My dh seems to think 'kids are getting bigger these days anyway' and doesn't seem really concerned. He weighs 13 and a half stone. Can I ask what you lot think? Aibu to think he needs to lose a lot of weight?

OP posts:
kidsdrivingmemad · 30/08/2020 09:40

Depends how tall he is. My eldest is 9 but in age 11/12 clothing and is an adult size 4 in shoes.

Quartz2208 · 30/08/2020 09:40

What are his height and build

Original poster
JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:41

He 5'8". The nhs BMI calculator states he is "very overweight"

OP posts:
Doccomplaint · 30/08/2020 09:42

That’s definitely one for you to back away from and leave to his dad to sort. You intervening will not go well.

Quartz2208 · 30/08/2020 09:43

Yes he probably should but calling it unacceptable is harsh

Longdistance · 30/08/2020 09:44

At that age I would’ve thought adult clothes would be best. He’s 5’8” at 14. He’s nearly as tall as me, I doubt I’d fit in kids clothes.

Ponoka7 · 30/08/2020 09:44

His waist size is way too big. It's true that more children are becoming obese and we are normalising it.

He needs to get into exercise and eat none processed food.

Original poster
JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:46

@longdistance well maybe but I still think 36" waist is far too big for a 14 year old.

OP posts:
Florencex · 30/08/2020 09:46

I think you are correct about his weight, it is only going to escalate. However, I don’t know what more you can do other than mention it to DH which you have.

Ponoka7 · 30/08/2020 09:47

Longdistance, are you a size 18/20? That's a 36 waist.

Original poster
JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:47

@ponoka7 this is exactly what I think. I feel that of it's not nipped in the bud now he will be a 46" waist by the time he's in his late 20s.

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 30/08/2020 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Florencex · 30/08/2020 09:48

[quote JoandLily]@longdistance well maybe but I still think 36" waist is far too big for a 14 year old.[/quote]
You are correct, my 46 year old DH was horrified that he had to get size 36 inch waist recently and has vowed to trim down.

I don’t think the 14/ 16 year old sizes are an issue, I was always wearing clothes for an older age as I was always tall.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 30/08/2020 09:48

He needs to lose weight, even at that age it's unhealthy and not normal. What is his diet like?

Sailingblue · 30/08/2020 09:48

I think it is big. My husband is big built at 6ft4 and has a 34-36 waist for trousers and he knows he’s put some on around his stomach that he should get rid of.

Original poster
JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:49

@MyOwnSummer he's 14 not 16

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 30/08/2020 09:49

Oops just seen he's 14 not 16. Blush

Still though, why isn't his dad taking care of it?

user1471497286 · 30/08/2020 09:51

Who feeds him?

Highlytrainedflunky · 30/08/2020 09:51

36” waist for a 14 year old is not good at all. And yes he does need to lose weight as he will most likely be an overweight adult.

Unfortunately if your dh is in denial there is nothing you can do.

Original poster
JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:55

He is with us 2/3 days a week and always eats well with us. I don't buy unhealthy food as I put weight on easily. I suspect he is eating junk and sweet things at his grandparents and mums.
I think he has gained 1 and a half stone since lockdown started.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 30/08/2020 09:55

Buy him clothes that fit. Stop judging him and thinking in harsh terms like "unacceptable". It's only a step away from him being unacceptable. Fat shaming won't help him maintain healthy weight.

He's still growing, the aim should be to maintain his weight so he grows into it.

We've been in lockdown for the last few months so he's had fewer opportunities to eat outside the home - therefore his weight is probably down to the choices his parents have made around food for the household.

Original poster
JoandLily · 30/08/2020 09:57

@Hellonheels fatshaming??

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 30/08/2020 10:02

Yes, he needs to lose weight and the blame for allowing him to become overweight rests firmly with his parents. Sadly, I don't see that you can do anything about it except make sure he eats healthily and is active when he is with you (and that's really his dad's responsibility anyway).

SuitedandBooted · 30/08/2020 10:04

That's way to fat for a 5'8 man, never mind a 14 year old, who presumably can't fall back on the "It's all muscle" excuse.

I'm always a bit puzzled at the number of people who dismiss this as children just being bigger now. Looking back at my school leavers photo (early 1980's) shows plenty of kids waaay taller than my 5'6ins. Yet apparently the reason that clothes were smaller then is because we were all waif-like dwarfs Confused.

People, on the whole, aren't much taller, just much fatter. It's interesting to watch the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory films (made in 1971 and 2005). The Augustus Gloop character certainly shows how our perception of an overweight child has changed!

You could try to bring it up tactfully with his Dad. He may be receptive, but only you will know that. I really hope something can be done for your step son's sake.

motherheroic · 30/08/2020 10:07

What's the point in asking us? So we can agree with you? We have no sway on his dad or mother so it doesn't really matter does it.