To think SS needs to lose some serious weight?

[JoandLily]

I went shopping the other day for some new school uniform for my step son who is 14. He has always been slightly overweight so I bought him age 16 trousers. He tried these on and they would not go near him. To cut a long story short we had to but him 36 inch waist trousers from the men's section and to me I think that's totally unacceptable at his age. My dh seems to think 'kids are getting bigger these days anyway' and doesn't seem really concerned. He weighs 13 and a half stone. Can I ask what you lot think? Aibu to think he needs to lose a lot of weight?

not all kids are big these days. I struggle to find clothes for my 5 ft 4" 14 year old as he is the opposite. has to wear M&S school trousers (becase they are the only ones who have adjustable waistbands beyond infants), age 11-12 with xtra long legs, and even those need the adjustable waist. And he is healthy, eats well, but is just ridiculously skinny

My 14 yo wears a 38’ waist, he’s 6’3”. He definitely needs to lose some weight. He was just under 15 stone.
We’re doing it slowly with diet and exercise.
The BMI calculator isn’t helpful for children at that age though as they’re all different heights and it’s still done on centiles.

5.8ft is tall for a 14 year old though and so he is out of kids sizes -regardless of whether is overweight

At his height I would definitely be thinking adult clothes, yes he is overweight at that (my too podgy 46 year old DH is 6ft and 34 inch waist by comparison and is seriously trying to address his weight).

I would be having an honest conversation with your DH about your concerns (well out of eat shot of DS). Choose your words carefully though. We need to be learning how to phrases conversations about weight issues without any sense of superiority, fat shaming and helpfully looking to reach positive solutions, addressing the underlying issues rather than thinking there are simple causes and cures. Obesity is a disease far more dangerous and rampant than Covid (just not so immediate). We can’t keep burying our heads in the sand.

@motherheroic that could be said for everything on MN? I was asking for an opinion that's all

My two ds are 15 and 16yo, one is over 6feet. They wear a size 30in in trousers.

Their dad who, according to the NHS, is overweight wears a size 36.

I agree with you @JoandLily. It’s too much.
But what is unacceptable isn’t the fact he is wearing a size 36. Itts the fact that the adults around him have left that happened and c aider it normal.
Unfortunately the only thing you can do is back off. You’ve said your piece. It hasn’t been acknowledged. You ne Ed. Too let. His parents deal with it.
I feel for the child though. I think he has been badly let down

That is way too big at 14. My DH is 6’2 and is a 34” waist. He’s had a couple of 36” stuff in the past but has always been annoyed if he’s had to get a bigger size.

I was shocked to see that lots of stores are stocking age sizes in a plus fit range. I do think that’s normalising kids being overweight. Shorter and longer leg lengths are clearly fine but I do think it may give false assurances to parents that their Dc are wearing their age, when they aren’t.

Yanbu, but we’re not allowed to say it these days.

Yes he it is to big but I feel your pain.

My step daughter is 12 (just) and wearing a women’s size 16. It was a 14 at Xmas (I know as I bought her new clothing for Xmas) but she’s now a 16.

I make healthy meals when she’s here as I’m a size 8-10 but she lives on burgers and takeaways at her mums.

FWIW there are some charts with BMI for children. It’s still a good tool.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator/

According to the nhs, he is way overweight

@lifeisgenerallyfun thank you. I would never ever talk about it in front of ss, I would never even talk to him about it as it's simply not my place. I would never ever fat shame anyone especially a child as I tend to put weight on easily so know how hard it is. I just feel my husband thinking it's ok is going to lead to him getting bigger and bigger and could lead to bullying in school. Not to mention health problems. He doesn't have much confidence anyway and is generally quite shy and quiet.

Image to show how far out he is being over the 99th centile
www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/images/growthchart_example1.gif

Has he recently shot up in height?

As the step parent you need to leave this to his dad and it's not helpful to pile all the blame at the mother's door. He's 14 so old enough to educate himself on what a healthy weight looks like.

I would expect most 14 year olds to be in adult clothes. He is adult height. My boys were in adult clothes from 12 and girls from earlier.
He is carrying a lot of weight and if he has put on a lot during lockdown, so have many others. Hopefully he will start to lose it going back to school and being more active. I agree it's down to his Dad to deal with.

Your SS is definitely overweight, but aside for offering him healthy food while he stays with you I’m not sure what you and your DH can really do about it. Perhaps you could encourage him to go walking or cycling with you or take up a sport or martial arts class or something?

@QuestionMarkNow thank you. I think you're right. I'll just keep my mouth shut now and not get involved.

My 14yr old is 5'11" and 63kg (is that about 9.5st), so I think your SS does seem overweigh. But what I've noticed about boys that age is they are all growing at different rates, some haven't had a growth spurt yet and when they do they tend to get leaner. Only you and his parents know though and can do anything about it.

Don’t question whether he’s over weight, that’s not in doubt. Tell dh ‘I'm going to take stepson out for a walk on the nights he’s with us to help him get more active. Shall we do it together as a family?’ or if you’re not willing to help then have to stop at asking ‘Shall we do something to help ss with his weight?’

Your ss is a child who is not being looked after, I think you really should have a word with your dp.

Did someone really say stores shouldn’t stock clothes that fit people who are bigger... so should fat peoples run around naked?

Not leave the house in shame?

What a lovely lot you are this morning

May you all end up on steroids and burst out of your perfect size ten so you learn empathy

I think you’re correct but you have to leave it to his parents to sort out. Not your circus, not your monkey.

I bought my 14 yo 5'10" DS trousers from the men's section for school. They were 30" waist, 31"length. He could probably still get school uniform but he wanted cotton, chino-style. He tried them on and came to show me saying he probably needed a belt as they didn't have any elastic to pull them in. My DH is worried he's too skinny as he probably was a 30" waist when he was 8. DS is just very active, does lots of sport, eats like he has hollow legs, but I think just naturally has the right balance of food on/energy out. I am not about to start suggesting extra snacks or upping portion size. I have so many food hang ups about not wasting food, finishing meals, comfort eating, etc etc, all from my parents and grandparents and I've tried so hard to avoid these with the DC. Teens that are bigger and less self-conscious about it than when we were that age because it is more of the norm. I would be very careful that anything you do doesn't get him questioning himself, start a cycle of self- loathing/comfort eating. Having said that there are probably changes you could make, less carbs, more veg in meals, packed lunch instead of school dinners (my daughter did this when I gave her one monthly amount to budget and she realised that taking lunch instead of buying it meant she had more money for clothes, cinema etc). And he'll still be growing so even if all you can do is keep his food intake at its current level he should lose waist inches to his height inches (not in direct proportion obviously)

Is he active?

Yes overweight - my huband is 6.0ft and average build and his waist is 32-34

@Sarahandco

5.8ft is tall for a 14 year old though and so he is out of kids sizes -regardless of whether is overweight

5ft 8 is 173cm. A boys' size 16 is usually 176cm, and should fit a child his height who is a normal weight. They are already quite wide on the waist. My 14 year old is 5ft 3, normal BMI and is in an age 13-long trousers as a 14 is too wide.

"He's still growing, the aim should be to maintain his weight so he grows into it."

13.5 stone is a reasonably chunky weight for any man to grow into! DH ie 6ft 3 and weighs 12st, hes healthy and fit.

This kid is fat & needs to get off the junk & the couch. Lots of children these days are unhealthily fat and will be a massive burden on the NHS and they age. We need to stop shying away from the difficult truths and help these kids before it's too late.