To think SS needs to lose some serious weight?

[JoandLily]

I went shopping the other day for some new school uniform for my step son who is 14. He has always been slightly overweight so I bought him age 16 trousers. He tried these on and they would not go near him. To cut a long story short we had to but him 36 inch waist trousers from the men's section and to me I think that's totally unacceptable at his age. My dh seems to think 'kids are getting bigger these days anyway' and doesn't seem really concerned. He weighs 13 and a half stone. Can I ask what you lot think? Aibu to think he needs to lose a lot of weight?

Jesus, the poor lad, that can't be comfortable for him. DH isn't a 36 and he's 6 foot 4!

Does he look 'big' or is it more puppy fat that blends in? Where does he carry his weight?

Has he had a growth spurt recently? Sometimes kids pile weight on and then shoot right up. Is his Dad tall?

It's great you've got eyes on this but unless both his Mum and Dad start trying to help him make changes I don't think you can do masses to help change. Especially when he spends 70/80% of the week at his Mum's.

Do you have a close enough relationship where he could talk to you about if he were struggling with his weight?

That is bigger than what my dh wears. He is 5 foot 8 and weighs eight stone

Are you sure? That’s a BMI of 17 so significantly underweight. That’s not really a great comparison as the OP should be aiming for healthy.

My 13yo son could stand to lose some. He weighs more than that... But it also depends on height, activity level... Etc. Some people grow wide before tall and such. Also my son is 6 feet tall and wears size 15 shoe... So while he could stand to lose weight he's also a damned giant haha

@BikeTyson

That is bigger than what my dh wears. He is 5 foot 8 and weighs eight stone

Are you sure? That’s a BMI of 17 so significantly underweight. That’s not really a great comparison as the OP should be aiming for healthy.

I’m 5’3” and I weigh 9.5 stone! I weighed 8 stone when I was ill and looked terrible!

@gumball37

My 13yo son could stand to lose some. He weighs more than that... But it also depends on height, activity level... Etc. Some people grow wide before tall and such. Also my son is 6 feet tall and wears size 15 shoe... So while he could stand to lose weight he's also a damned giant haha

You can be tall without being overweight, my son is the same height as yours and in proportion, he's on a slightly higher centile for height then weight by about two or three.

Is his mum or dad (or both) overweight?

@JoandLily do you think he’s shy and quiet due to his weight or do you think he is emotionally eating because he lacks confidence to go out and do things or prefers to sit and be alone because he’s introverted?

Maybe look initially at building his confidence and try and get his dad on side in doing this. Would he go hiking with you and put him in charge of destinations/routes and map reading, or anything else he might be interested in and building his confidence. People do get defensive over weight and usually it’s a symptom of an underlying issue that usually gets worse with weight and becomes a circular pattern. I think the secret here is for you and his dad and hopefully his mum to address his confidence to break the cycle. It’s not a simple matter of just feeding him salad. It’s a matter of ensuring his confidence and happiness.

I think you sound a fab step mum to him and he’s lucky to have someone concerned. Good luck

Yes he does sound overweight for his age, but there's not really much you can do. You have discussed it with his dad and he isn't arsed, and you do the most important thing which is to provide balanced meals and decent food when he is with you. Some of the comments on this thread though explain a lot about why so many children are now overweight, people have lost all perception of what is a healthy weight, or feel that no one should be able to talk about it as it's fat shaming

@Prettybluepigeons

Sunahinecake, your husband is underweight though

That should have been ten stone. Was doing too many things at once. Obviously at ten stone he isn't underweight.

My 16 year old son is 5 ft 8
He weighs 91/2 stone
And has a 30 inch waist. He is weighed and measured regularly due to a medical condition but his consultant always comments on how beautifully proportioned he is ( I think he's too slim ) so yes your ss could probably do to lose a bit .

@BikeTyson

That is bigger than what my dh wears. He is 5 foot 8 and weighs eight stone

Are you sure? That’s a BMI of 17 so significantly underweight. That’s not really a great comparison as the OP should be aiming for healthy.

Again, my typing. He is ten stone.

I think we're all agreed that the poor young lad is very overweight, OP. So the question is, how to address the problem.

Does he accept that he's too big? If he does, that's half the battle won as he'll have some motivation to change his eating and exercise habits.

I think it best, as PPs have said, for you to keep a low profile to begin with and leave it to his dad to initiate the conversation. Once you have a diet/exercise plan under way, then you can join in and support it.

I would suggest as a starter that you remove all junk food from your house, so that you don't put temptation in the way by having unhealthy foods in your cupboards and fridge.

I think a lot of parents wear blinders when it comes to their kids. I’m a member of a Facebook group for families in lockdown, and there are lots of posts saying ‘my daughter is age 4, but sturdy and wearing age 6/7 waist but has short legs’ the child is not sturdy, they are overweight.

I wouldn’t mention diet, just eat healthy foods, organise outdoor type activity for your SS at your care.

DS1 and DS2 (ages 18 and 16) both 6ft and with size 32/31" waists respectively.

YANBU to worry but I don't think it's your place to say anything.

@HellonHeels

Buy him clothes that fit. Stop judging him and thinking in harsh terms like "unacceptable". It's only a step away from him being unacceptable. Fat shaming won't help him maintain healthy weight.

He's still growing, the aim should be to maintain his weight so he grows into it.

We've been in lockdown for the last few months so he's had fewer opportunities to eat outside the home - therefore his weight is probably down to the choices his parents have made around food for the household.

Yeah OP don't you know you aren't allowed to be concerned for your step child without being reminded that you aren't his parent. You can't possibly say anything with any sort of negative connotations toward a SC.

Eye roll

Yes it's too big, yes his father should do something about it, no you aren't being unreasonable to be concerned about it.

If this were your own child people would be screaming at you to do something about it because it's neglectful to let your child be overweight like this.

My son is 14, 5ft 10 and a size 34 waist. He is a big boy... he also plays football outside of school, and cycles to and from school. When at school he plays football at every break and lunchtime and is in the school football and rugby teams.

So, a good amount of exercise... he also has ASD and ADHD, his diet is pretty restricted.... I know he eats sweets and chocolates when out and he has never eaten a 'healthy' diet BUT i am not a neglectful parent- i am a parent that faces a different norm that most of you and its a consant xhallenge!

So please think before you talk about neglect... Walk in my shoes before you judge......

Sorry for the spelling mistakes!!!

Yes but it’s his parents joyful task to adress

However you can help , and encourage exercise , healthy snacks etc