Young Adult son's washing

[Dawny65]

This isn't an AIBU or a real problem as such, but do any of you still do your adult ds's washing? I only work part time so I have the time to do it. It does annoy me though, as he never thinks to offer to put a load on. Just doesn't think, too busy thinking about his own life & forgets that there isn't a magic washing fairy - it's me! I even have to remind him to change his bedding. To be fair though, he does do his fair share of other jobs around the house so he's not completely lazy/thoughtless.
If I was a young adult son I would be grossed out about sorting through my parents dirty underwear if I was to put a load on too, so I can understand
I feel like making him not wanting to do a full family load.
I feel like making him do his own laundry & refusing to do his. It will make him see how quickly it builds up so will hopefully teach him to get into a routine with his laundry; but it is such a waste of water, electric & detergent not to combine his laundry with ours.
He's early 20's & saving for a deposit so it's not a problem that he still lives with us. It's just his laundry that's annoying. Don't want to carry on doing it as I want him to take care of his own stuff, plan his chores into his routine instead of relying on me but, but I don't want to waste resources either.
What routine do you have with stuff like this please?

Get him his own laundry basket and tell him it's his responsibility from now on!

My kids aren't adults but I absolutely will not be doing this.

Stop doing his washing. He should just have a dirty laundry basket in his room and put a load on when he has enough dirty washing! Simple!

I do some. Most of the time I expect them to do their own washing. But if they've stripped their beds and the bedding is in the laundry basket, I'll do it. If they have very delicate clothes they are nervous about washing i'll show them the right settings for heat, wash cycle and spin speed. Or if I'm doing a dark wash and have space for a few tees, pants and socks, I tell them to bring them down. I'd only have a problem if there was any expectation that I wash their clothes because I am a woman.

Don't do it. When mine were around 16/17 I bought laundry baskets to put in their bedrooms and left them to it. DS1 is very lazy but was keen as doesn't want me in his room. I do occasionally wash his sheets when I can't stand it any longer, as he never does. He also mixes whites and colours so everything dingy looking but thats up to him. They're both back to uni soon so need to kearn.

*learn

I do my adult DD's washing, I'm not wasting water and electricity whilst doing separate loads.

I would get him his own laundry hamper and have him do his own. It’s a life skill he needs to learn. I hear you on the water/detergent/electricity thing, but that’s a small price to pay to a)help him learn this and b)not get really resentful about it.

We have a family laundry basket and I do the washing every weekend.

If they've put stuff in the basket, it is no problem for me to wash it.

If they forget, and need something, then they wash it themselves.

I don't remind them about their towels or bedding, it's up to them to remember or suffer the consequences.

I don't mind doing it because they are very good about doing other chores - we have a dishwasher, cleaning and lawn-mowing rota and they wash my car on request.

I lived at home till I was 27. Had a full time professional job. My mum worked part time and still did all my washing, ironing and the cooking. I do think I would do things differently with my son (he is only 18m so a long way to go yet lol). It was a shock when I moved in to my own home but I was still able to run a house and have done ever since.

My mums point was if she was doing her and my dad's it makes no difference to do mine at the same time.

If you do a full load of your stuff and he does a full load of his stuff why would it use more water, electric, detergent? The washer should be on the same amount, but instead of doing everything every 3 or 4 days you each do your own once a week (or whatever the numbers work out at).

I wouldn't be reminding him about washing. If he wants to ming then that's his look out.

If he doesn't do a fair share of jobs round the house then sort that. If he does then mention it would be good if he occasionally did some of the laundry.

I don't care which jobs my lot do between them as long as they all take a fair share of the work (and as long as they all could do the washing/whatever job if they needed)

It isn't a waste of electricity and detergent if he just waits until he has a full load which is what he would do if he lived alone

He's early 20'? Good lord, get him onto doing his own laundry. He's an adult and certainly should be doing this stuff himself.
All my kids, two boys & two girls, now 28+, were taught to do their own laundry and bed changing as soon as they started college.

Dd (19) sticks hers in with the rest of the family washing and doesn’t mind how it’s washed and dried, so hers gets done by me. Ds (22) is fussy about his washing and drying settings and likes to keep his stuff separate so does his own. I’m not bothered either way, as long as there’s no moaning about how and when it’s done.

Todo a full load in my machine would mean dd would need a months worth of clothes or thereabouts, she doesn't have that much because she's quite minimalist.

So yes it would be a waste of resources that we're doing our best not to waste.

Mine started doing their own washing around the age of 10. My oldest would pay his younger sister to do his washing for him from time to time but he was more than capable of doing it himself.

My 19 year old does her own but will make up a load from the family laundry basket. I do the same, adding hers in to top up the load. I’ll occasionally hoover her bedroom/clean her bathroom but she’ll do the same for me. It’s about mutual respect I think.

DS(21) Has his own laundry basket in his own bathroom so generally just does his own as there is enough to fill a load when he does it. If I am putting a wash on and have space I will see if he has anything for the wash rather than just doing half a load. No dramas.

You are not doing your future daughter in law (or son in law or whatever) any favours by helping your son too much.

I dated a mummies boy. He expected me to do all the house work but I could “tell” him if and when things needed done.

At which point he would complain the football was in and he’s busy so will do the hoovering tomorrow or whatever. And never did it.

He never learned the skill of working out what needs done and when by using his own eyes. I had to be the ‘mum’ and tell the man I lived with when to do what. I didn’t sign up for that responsibility. (What’s wrong with his eyes/memory. Can he not see the carpet needs hoovering? Why’d it have to be my responsibility? Do my boobs somehow mean I am blessed with extra housework super powers? No I don’t think so!?)

So he never felt the need to work out when to do this load or that load as certain things would be needed for work next week, or there wouldn’t be enough drying space for the sheets if I do the white wash today too etc. Or how it’s murder when you come home from work knackered and have to start housework or you have plans and it doesn’t suit and I should have planned my week better....

He needs to learn to work his housework round his social/TV/compute gaming life too (ie no housework on Saturday when the footballs on so I’ll do it Friday to leave my Saturday clear).

So give him his own basket and tell him that you are no longer doing anything to do with his room, bedding or clothing or ironing or dusting his room as he needs to do his own stuff so he knows how and learns to take responsibility.

Split the household chores for the living room, bathroom, kitchen, garden etc up on a whiteboard in the kitchen so everyone knows what needs to be done and all share. You may want to do more if your dp and son work full time and you do part time. Or you may not. Your family and you can decide what fits the bill.

Just don’t make your son a useless as my ex. Whom I would still have been with had he not been so lazy and inconsiderate round the house! I feel sorry for his new gf!

My ds moved out at 25. He worked shifts and as I have other dc +dh I did his washing alongside everyone else's. If I was at work dh did the laundry.. Ds changed his own bed..
He was a chef so helped in other ways!!

My 15yo has been doing her own washing for years, probably since she was around 9/10. She has a basket in her room and puts on a load when she has enough. I do the same, and so does DH. DD is also responsible for her sheets, but we tend to chuck towels in together. I don't think it's any less efficient for each of us to do our own than doing more frequent shared loads. I wouldn't be doing it for another adult, personally.

Yes I do washing for my 2 adult DS, but they will also put loads on for us too. So this morning I was stripping our bed and DS said "Shall I take that down and put in the the machine?" which he then did. But equally he might ask me to wash something he has especially if it's delicate/special. I think it's just easier if we all do washing together tbh.

DS1 is at University but has obviously been at home since February. He has a laundry basket in his room and if I'm putting a load of washing on I'll ask if he's got any darks/whites/coloured etc that needs to go in. When he changes his bedding he'll bring it down and load it into the machine.

He's capable and happy to do it if necessary but if I'm putting washing in the machine why would I not want to include all of the family's. Just the same as with DH.

We came back from holiday last week and DS1 went back to his Uni.house despite being home again this weekend he took his dirty holiday washing back with him "you've got enough washing to do Mum" so I think my approach must be OK.

23 year old son still at home . I’m happy to do his washing, he doesn’t have to be told to help out, he clears pots , loads/unloads dishwasher, pegs out washing and brings in without being asked . He’s also fitted all new oak doors in our semi and replaced floor joists in bathroom and kitchen. His bedroom is tidier than mine, my husband despairs of the make up and clothes strewn about !