Young Adult son's washing

[Dawny65]

This isn't an AIBU or a real problem as such, but do any of you still do your adult ds's washing? I only work part time so I have the time to do it. It does annoy me though, as he never thinks to offer to put a load on. Just doesn't think, too busy thinking about his own life & forgets that there isn't a magic washing fairy - it's me! I even have to remind him to change his bedding. To be fair though, he does do his fair share of other jobs around the house so he's not completely lazy/thoughtless.
If I was a young adult son I would be grossed out about sorting through my parents dirty underwear if I was to put a load on too, so I can understand
I feel like making him not wanting to do a full family load.
I feel like making him do his own laundry & refusing to do his. It will make him see how quickly it builds up so will hopefully teach him to get into a routine with his laundry; but it is such a waste of water, electric & detergent not to combine his laundry with ours.
He's early 20's & saving for a deposit so it's not a problem that he still lives with us. It's just his laundry that's annoying. Don't want to carry on doing it as I want him to take care of his own stuff, plan his chores into his routine instead of relying on me but, but I don't want to waste resources either.
What routine do you have with stuff like this please?

I would do his when I put a load on, but also ask him to do yours when he puts a load on, work together . I used to live with work colleagues and if I put a load on and it wasn,t full I might ask my colleagues if they had anything to put in as well.

Mine started doing their own washing around the age of 10

This seems a little mean to me.

However, I cannot stand parents of adult children moaning about all the chores they carry out for them. Just don't do it ffs

I,d rather do every ones washing and do a whole load then every one doing seperate half loads. What a waste of resources that would be.

Mine were 11,13 and 15 when I gave them an airer and a washing basket each and showed them how to use the machine.
This was after spending every weekend for months doing 7 or 8 loads - and some of it still folded from the last time I'd done it.
It had made it to the bedroom floor and back to the basket !
I was also fed up of hearing where's my PE kit / favourite top etc.
We all average 2 loads a week each now , 3 if they do their bedding.
Life is so much easier for me this way.

we never faffed with seperate washing baskets either, when adult dc were at home it was all put in the washing machine and done with. job done.

@burnthurst187 yes of course I've talked to him. Promises are made, then forgotten by the time it builds up again as he's such an airhead! We are having another discussion today about rotas. He's not unwilling one little bit, just forgets, doesn't think about the consequences of not doing stuff & has to be reminded. This is what I find most annoying, more than actually throwing his washing in with ours

I do the washing for everyone in the house, including 2 adult dc, as long as it's in their basket. They will stick the odd one on themselves if they need something. I do all the cooking too, not a big deal. I work part time from home though, not sure if i would do it if i worked long hours. I do the absolute minimum housework to keep the house running, so i am not some sort of cleaning martyr by any means. The adult dc contribute financially to the household which is a big help, and all my dc including the younger ones know how to cook and how to use the washing machine and dishwasher, so they will be perfectly capable of looking after themselves when they leave home.

As long as he knows how to use the washing machine if he has to , and does other tasks that contribute toward the household I wouldn't get tied up on who does the laundry .

He does need to contribute something to the household though, both in terms of time spent and money .

DS is 14 and has his own basket, I mostly do his but we are mobing toward him doing his own

At your DS's age he should certainly be doing it

One thing i would never do is pick up dirty clothes or wet towels from the floor, that is just disrespectful imo.

Thank you for all your comments. I needed ideas for routines on how best to make him learn to plan his chores in with work/social life but without wasting resources.I have no problem throwing his stuff in with ours to make a full load but wish he'd think about it too! We're having another discussion today on household management. He is very capable & helpful, he just needs to be reminded like a child - which infuriates me! He'll clean my room if he's doing the rest of the house, clean my car if asked, (I never clean his!), as well as other jobs. He knows he has to muck in & doesn't generally have an entitled attitude. it's the forgetting & lack of planning that drives me mad, especially with the washing! Hoping another thrashing it out today, with him contributing ideas on a rota rather than just being told, will make his contribution to household stuff run a bit smoother. To be fair, when he was furlough & we weren't, he was a very good housewife!

My teenage DC do their washing separate to family stuff (one lights, one darks and towels/duvet) since aged 15 at latest. Meh sometimes they forget to get it out of washing machine or off the line but I help and fold it or remind them we are waiting to use it... There's odd times both DD and DS have left things to late, worm a grubby top or run out, even though I've reminded them. They can always borrow mums t shirt or flower socks 🤓 I say.....
They've learnt to crack on

I used to do all their washing but in their words they " got fed up of losing stufff that never came back" (that got mixed up into someone else's pile which could mean they were gone for weeks into another drawer until found) 😬😬

And I didn't like the morning shouty game of 'mum have you seen my socks/school tie/ jumper/ sports kit/extra special t shirt I want to wear that you must have lost in the wash muuuuum ...???!' That was a lose:lose game for me, as they also never bothered to put away all the clothes I had lovingly cleaned ironed and folded, so I said 'since I'm so terrible and you're always moaning, why not do your own washing ... '

(They still lose things but I don't get shouted at for it and I saved 3 hours of ironing a week).

Talk to him about it.

In this house (teens - well able to do their own laundry) when someone needs to put a wash in they go through the house asking ‘anyone got anything for a white / colours / delicate load?’ and family members out their items in the machine.

Do not fetch his washing. Instigate this system, if he misses putting his stuff in when offered he will have to do his own load, at which point tell him to ask other family members.

“ To be fair, when he was furlough & we weren't, he was a very good housewife!”

There’s your problem! Your attitude is housework is women’s work. He won’t change until you do.

Just stop doing it. Tell him you are not going to do it anymore because he’s an adult and needs to stop bludging. My three high schoolers do one load from dart to finish per week, plush their sheets. If that’s not done, (to my standards!) there’s hell to pay. I’m teaching them how to be independent when they leave home or if something happens to me or their dad. (Yes, it takes longer to coordinate and supervise than to just do it myself, but it’s called life.) They also know how to cook a few healthy meals from scratch, load and unload a dishwasher and clean a bathroom.

Also, if he does his own washing, he'll learn to check pockets and do up Zips.

My bugbear is having to redo a load as DD has slipped jeans or hoodie into wash with tissues in the pocket or my delicates are damaged by open zips. Damage their own stuff once, they get zealous about checking.

It's not very eco-friendly to split up all the washing and do it in separate loads. All our washing goes in together (split by colour (white/lights/darks), but not person).

There are three of us, if we all did separate loads we'd need 6-9 wash loads instead of 1-3.

I can never understand this thing on MN that kids have to do their washing separately.

DD(14) does her own washing. If it’s whites, she’ll tell me there’s not enough for a full load so I’ll get everyone’s whites to wash.
DS(11) I have to remind him to do his washing and then end up supervising him. It’s hardly mean!

My question is, have you taught him what is necessary?

Does he know the meaning of the symbols in clothes? Especially the tumble dyer ones. I have to check every time.
Does he know about salt in dishwasher (if applicable) How to check the filter on washing machine.
Sons and daughters need to be taught these life skills. I taught DS how to iron shirt collars, corners to centre before he joined the army.
Next month start basic cooking, we used Marguerite Patten.

We’ve always just had a system whereby whoever is near the machine turns it around. It’s not a big deal to put on somebody else’s whether they be adults of older children.

My 10 year old son helps with the family laundry. The 8 year old folds and puts away dry clothes. I can’t imagine washing his clothes for him into adulthood!
Stop washing his clothes and he’ll
Soon get the message.

Just stop doing it. He’s an adult. If he has no clean pants that’s his lookout. I cannot understand why you’re still doing it if it annoys you?

If you don’t remind him he will soon realise that lack of action (not washing his fav top) leads to consequences (can’t wear fav top).

That’s why if he does his own washings then you won’t be inconvenienced by his failure to take action at the appropriate time. Only he will suffer!

And that in turn will lead to his better forward planning. It’s a transferable skill.

@FelicityPike I knew someone would come back with that! it's just a phrase, means nothing. I mean house person. I'm not a housework slave, his dad does his fair share of jobs so he knows it's not "women's work". Son does a lot of other jobs, knows how to cook, clean, wash & iron, but in his own time when he remembers or notices, or I instruct him first! This is what infuriates me, the lack of thinking ahead & planning, he's such an airhead.
So I decided this morning not to do any of his washing, as he NÈVER thinks about this one particular job. Then I felt a bit petty leaving his stuff & also didn't want to waste resources. One person's washing takes a week to build up into one load. He has a physical job & if stuff like socks are left to fester in a laundry bin for over a week they tend to hum a bit!

We're going to have a chart so he can learn to plan his chores in with the rest of his life. Taking a pp advice of separate baskets so he can see how much it builds up if the magic laundry fairy/elf doesn't do it, then ask if others need washing doing with our own loads. It should not be this much drama just to do the laundry but it is because he just literally forgets, as he has a lot of clothes & never runs out!

So while I do not mind doing his at the same time as ours, for the sake of any future relationships/marriage he has, and for the sake of his future partner's sanity, I have to sort this out now! When we're away he manages perfectly fine. We come back from our holidays the house is clean & tidy, he's done his washing, he knows there's be hell to pay if it wasn't!! So he can do it, just needs to think ahead when we're home too