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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young Adult son's washing

127 replies

Dawny65 · 30/08/2020 09:09

This isn't an AIBU or a real problem as such, but do any of you still do your adult ds's washing? I only work part time so I have the time to do it. It does annoy me though, as he never thinks to offer to put a load on. Just doesn't think, too busy thinking about his own life & forgets that there isn't a magic washing fairy - it's me! I even have to remind him to change his bedding. To be fair though, he does do his fair share of other jobs around the house so he's not completely lazy/thoughtless.
If I was a young adult son I would be grossed out about sorting through my parents dirty underwear if I was to put a load on too, so I can understand
I feel like making him not wanting to do a full family load.
I feel like making him do his own laundry & refusing to do his. It will make him see how quickly it builds up so will hopefully teach him to get into a routine with his laundry; but it is such a waste of water, electric & detergent not to combine his laundry with ours.
He's early 20's & saving for a deposit so it's not a problem that he still lives with us. It's just his laundry that's annoying. Don't want to carry on doing it as I want him to take care of his own stuff, plan his chores into his routine instead of relying on me but, but I don't want to waste resources either.
What routine do you have with stuff like this please?

OP posts:
corythatwas · 30/08/2020 09:53

We have a family laundry basket- not going to waste water and electricity with separate loads. Ds takes his turn in putting the machine on and always asks if there's anything we specifically want put on.

If he is grossed out by putting his parents' underwear in the washing machine, there must be quite a few other cleaning jobs he can't do either. So how will he cope when he moves into a flat share or in with a girlfriend and is expected to clean the loo used by other people?

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 30/08/2020 09:55

All the family washing gets done together, but it’s not always me that does it.

I think separating it into yours mine and theirs brings out a self centred attitude that they only have to do something if it directly benefits them.

I have four Ikea recycling bins stacked up for different colours, so it’s all presorted - all they have to do is pick the fullest bin and empty it all into a basket, so no rifling through other people’s pants etc.

For me the biggest issue with getting them to do their own washing would be the timing - I know DS would decide he wants his done just as I’ve done a load, so he’d get mine out but not hang it up, then use the airer for his stuff before I get a chance to hang mine up! I’d rather if he needs black socks, he puts a whole family black wash on and hangs up everyone else’s stuff at the same time.

seven201 · 30/08/2020 09:56

@Chasingsquirrels

If you do a full load of your stuff and he does a full load of his stuff why would it use more water, electric, detergent? The washer should be on the same amount, but instead of doing everything every 3 or 4 days you each do your own once a week (or whatever the numbers work out at).
This. Just tell him to only do his washing when he has a full load.
Merryoldgoat · 30/08/2020 09:57

I have communal laundry baskets and just do a wash from whichever is full so I do t have to sort it.

I only have small children so this isn’t an issue yet but 7yo is able to sort his laundry himself without any issue.

I don’t see a problem with doing other adults’ laundry if they reciprocate.

But I wouldn’t be sorting it myself or going proactively to get it.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 30/08/2020 09:58

Oh and my DCs all change their own bedding too. I have no idea how often - some more often than others for sure! - DS1 is the most regular with that one as he has a GF so wants to make sure he doesn’t gross her out I suppose Grin

Mincingfuckdragon2 · 30/08/2020 09:59

My 12 yo does her own laundry. It's 2 loads a week, takes hardly any time, and means she no longer dumps clean clothes in the laundry basket to get out of putting them away (which is what triggered us making her do her own laundry in the first place).

Just stop doing it OP, it's not your job.

Burnthurst187 · 30/08/2020 10:02

Have you considered talking to him!

WindsorBlues · 30/08/2020 10:03

Me and my sister had to help out with the washing from we where 14. My darling brother had all his washing done for him by my mum and dad until he was 26. What made it even more infuriating was he moved out when he was 20! He would bring round a mountain of washing for them to do and only when he'd finally ran out of clean clothes. He only stopped when his wonderful GF moved in and made him split the household chores including the washing 50/50.

justaweeone · 30/08/2020 10:03

I have a 17 year old DS and he has done his own washing for years including his bedding and towels
We all have our own laundry bags but if we haven't a full load will always ask if anyone wants something washing
We also do our own ironing and all take turns to cook etc

LtJudyHopps · 30/08/2020 10:04

Why would doing his own waste resources? I live at home and do my own, I just wait until I have enough for a load. Or if I want something in particular, ask if anyone else has anything to chuck in with it. Just stop doing his he’ll soon learn.

Evalina · 30/08/2020 10:04

My DS, 13 does most of his own laundry although needs reminding. I do his bed linen and towels but he generally does the rest. My DDs are young adults st home since pandemic and they've done theirs since about that age, so I was keen to treat DS the same.

thedaywewillremeber · 30/08/2020 10:07

My older two both do the washing however I also wash their stuff as it all goes in together.

CoalCraft · 30/08/2020 10:08

I did my own laundry from age 12...

thegcatsmother · 30/08/2020 10:10

Ds did all his own at university, as I wasn't bothered by what happened to the college washing machines, or the ones in his digs. However, I do it now he's home, as he would overload my machine and break it. I'd rather he didn't.

Ponoka7 · 30/08/2020 10:12

I mostly do my DD's (22), but she'll hang it out, if asked and when I'm away she'll do my bedding. I don't want her handing my dirty underwear and she puts hers straight into the machine.

Sje has pets so cleans the living room, including mopping. We share the kitchen/dining room cleaning. I do the bathroom, but she does any heavy lifting etc (I'm disabled). We share the cost of a gardener. It's a even mix. I think it's petty to have gripes, if it evens out.

Piglet89 · 30/08/2020 10:13

My son’s one. I’m counting down the months until I can teach him to do my laundry TBH.

Tlollj · 30/08/2020 10:24

I did all the laundry when my adult ds lived here. It’s one of my favourite housework jobs. Love pegging it out and seeing it blowing on the line.
He did other jobs though. Cooking, shopping, window cleaning, gardening.

MactheRover · 30/08/2020 10:26

My DC is back home saving for a deposit after 10 years away. I do the washing - DP deals with drying - not a problem.

allfalldown47 · 30/08/2020 10:30

Dd is back home at the moment, she's 19.
I do her washing because it seems wasteful to do it separately to ours?

It's all about the bigger picture though, she helps around the house, does her share of housework, walks the dog etc so I really don't mind chucking her laundry in for her!

MinnieJackson · 30/08/2020 10:38

If in doubt, wash it out is my motto. Plus if everything is in a washing basket he can just chuck it in, he doesn't have to sort your smalls lol.

LilaButterfly · 30/08/2020 10:52

Kids are still small, but if they pull their weight with other housework i would probably still do their washing. Like you said, its such a waste to separate the loads.

FinnyStory · 30/08/2020 10:56

I don't understand having separate washing in a household. I put the machine on most days and if it's in the basket I wash it. If it's not then it won't get done. If we all did our own, the machine would be run half empty.

I have 2 (just) adult boys at home and no, they don't do laundry but they do gardening, decorating, hoovering, clean the bathroom -pick me up fron the pub without complaint, as asked.

Whatisthisfuckery · 30/08/2020 10:58

DS12 does his own washing. It didn’t start out as a conscious decision on my part. I used to wash and dry it, then fold it and get him to put it away in his drawers. He kept leaving his dirty stuff all over the floor and I said if it wasn’t in the basket I wasn’t doing it. He then started putting loads in himself and has continued to do so. Funnily enough he doesn’t leave it strewn over the floor anywhere near as much now.

I wouldn’t do it for an adult though, no bloody way. I’ve always said I’m DS’s mother, not his slave. Better to domesticate them early I say. I’m not raising a son to be another woman’s burden.

Macncheeseballs · 30/08/2020 10:59

God no way would I wash grown kids clothes

PleasantVille · 30/08/2020 11:00

Each family should do it in the way that suits them, why would you have a routine that doesn't work for you just because it works for other families?

If you're happy crack on, if you feel it's unfair discuss changes with your son.