Young Adult son's washing

[Dawny65]

This isn't an AIBU or a real problem as such, but do any of you still do your adult ds's washing? I only work part time so I have the time to do it. It does annoy me though, as he never thinks to offer to put a load on. Just doesn't think, too busy thinking about his own life & forgets that there isn't a magic washing fairy - it's me! I even have to remind him to change his bedding. To be fair though, he does do his fair share of other jobs around the house so he's not completely lazy/thoughtless.
If I was a young adult son I would be grossed out about sorting through my parents dirty underwear if I was to put a load on too, so I can understand
I feel like making him not wanting to do a full family load.
I feel like making him do his own laundry & refusing to do his. It will make him see how quickly it builds up so will hopefully teach him to get into a routine with his laundry; but it is such a waste of water, electric & detergent not to combine his laundry with ours.
He's early 20's & saving for a deposit so it's not a problem that he still lives with us. It's just his laundry that's annoying. Don't want to carry on doing it as I want him to take care of his own stuff, plan his chores into his routine instead of relying on me but, but I don't want to waste resources either.
What routine do you have with stuff like this please?

My 3 sons (21, 24 & 26) all do their own laundry as does my husband. I do my own. They are adults and capable of looking after themselves.

We have a whiteboard with the dates of each week (5 weeks at a time) as headings and their names underneath to tick off when they've done the load of laundry each week.
We also have a paper on the dishwasher for them to write their names alternately because the dishwasher is the children's job. If a child isn't home on their turn DH or I do it but it remains that child's turn next.

Yes, would be a bit cringe expecting him to put a family wash on. Put a laundry basket in his room, make him responsible for changing his own bed linen and towels. Up to him when it's done, it should not be your problem.

You are enabling your DS by reminding him what needs doing. Time to let it go. You'll be doing him and his future wife a kindness.

@HoratiotheHorsefly

I do my adult DD's washing, I'm not wasting water and electricity whilst doing separate loads.

I was the same when they lived at home. And to be fair, laundry is one household task that I am a) very fussy about and b) actually enjoy,

Ironing however...

@MaidenMotherCrone

My 3 sons (21, 24 & 26) all do their own laundry as does my husband. I do my own. They are adults and capable of looking after themselves.

Do you all do separate loads though?

Surely that's terribly wasteful?

DS 26 still lives with me
Both have own laundry hampers and either do our own when have a full load of lights n darks
Sometimes if either of us want to wash sooner maybe to wear something will ask other party if they have anything to make up to a full load
If I know he’s been really busy work I might ask if he wants any washing doing but he does same for me
I refused to iron for anyone from age 11 as I hate ironing so much

Do people really separate their laundry in to lights and darks?

Seriously just chuck it all in together, it's so liberating and less time consuming.

As the wife of someone who barely knows where the washer is make him do his own washing!! He's old enough to know how.

It’s not like they have to take them to the river and beat them with rocks! Mine knew the basics by 11 or 12 and were very self sufficient. I would imagine any 13-15 yr old can pour in some detergent and push a button. You’re not raising children-you’re raising adults.

We have 7 children, 3 of them adults, all but one living at home. The rule in our house is when they turn 13 they do their own washing. My husband does his own washing also. So I do my own, and the 2 younger children's.

@NannyOgg..Yes we all do seperate loads. Each person has to do their denim, towels and whites, sheets, lights and darks. They have enough to make full loads

One of my DDs does all the washing in our house. Every time we changed the jobs round she negotiated it back. She finds it therapeutic for some reason. DS loves ironing so he does all the ironing.

As long as they all can do each skill (which I know they can as they get taught) I don't interfere when they switch and swap chores between them and would only get involved if someone is taking the piss. I think negotiation is also a life skill.

I also don't think it matters if one person does all of a job or if everyone does their own as long as it works for everyone in the household, and as long as everyone could do any chore if needed.

I don't even do my autistic 12yo's washing 😂, he's capable, and wants, to do it himself!

We have a laundry bag in the main bathroom and a laundry sorter by the washing machine. My children are expected to put their washing in the bag and sometimes bring it down (on request). I sort the washing, do the washing, dry it and fold it. As I fold the clean bits I make a pile per person, each person is responsible for taking their own washing upstairs and put away.

In my experience it is much easier for one person to be in charge. You could ask him to bring his washing down to go in with yours or give him a day per week to access the machines, other days by separate negotiation! He is old enough to know when his sheets and towels need to be done, but I would prompt him if needed.

I wouldn't mind doing it tbh if he did jobs I didn't want to do in return. Eg. Putting up shelves or sorting the recycling

As an experiment after reading this thread, I asked my 7 year old to do a wash load (there was a twix bribe). I just wanted to see what he would do.

It turned out fine. He remembered the detergent tablet and colour catcher for the mixed load. I also got an earnest lecture about using the ecobubble cycle that Daddy favours (who knew?!).

I reckon you can safely hand over that wash hamper, OP.

What's all this about wasting resources? Surely an adult child can wait till they have a full load

Do people really separate their laundry in to lights and darks?

On mumsnet some posters even separate further - darks, brights, lights, whites, reds... I think laundry may be an actual hobby for some

I’ve got DD (26) at home with DH and me pending a house purchase. All the washing goes in one load but we’ve got a system of net bags for hankies, underwear and anything we think others might not be keen to handle. Works for us and minimises waste.

@HoratiotheHorsefly

Do people really separate their laundry in to lights and darks?

Seriously just chuck it all in together, it's so liberating and less time consuming.

I separate it further than that sometimes!

And it works - no dye runs. Whites are still white, not grey. Same for neutrals. Everything keeps its colour. And it doesn't take 2 minutes

@HazelWong

Do people really separate their laundry in to lights and darks?

On mumsnet some posters even separate further - darks, brights, lights, whites, reds... I think laundry may be an actual hobby for some

Not a hobby, just part of how I organise.

Is it a problem?

@Macncheeseballs

What's all this about wasting resources? Surely an adult child can wait till they have a full load

If they have enough clothes...

Do people really separate their laundry in to lights and darks

Yes because the ‘optical brighteners’ in detergent for whites, and keeps them white and bright, dulls the colour of coloured clothing.

I started doing my washing at 14, adults who live at home and don’t do their own washing are just weird.

@Nanny0gg yes they all do separate loads and no it's no wasteful as they do full loads. They all have enough clothes to wait until they have enough. They also wash their own towels and bedding. Luckily they (sons only really wear black) don't need to separate colours. DH was raised properly and yes I've congratulated and thanked my lovely MIL for doing a great job.