Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How many 'great' child free years did you get before becoming a parent?

156 replies

CheesyGhost · 30/08/2020 07:03

I mean the years where you were thoroughly enjoying adult life, doing whatever you wanted (obviously within reason) with very few responsibilities. Be that travelling, having a great social life, being a cosy hermit with Netflix, focusing 100% on your career; whatever total freedom meant for you; how many years did you have before becoming parent. And what made you feel you were ready to give up those freedoms to have children?
I didn't like my university experience sadly and saw it as an extension of something to endure like school to reach a better side and it did work, but it means I count these 'great' years from after finishing university.

DH and I do want children but are enjoying life right now and want to feel we've made the most of it before we start our family. I'm not saying that having a family is not wonderful in itself; clearly it is and we do want that, I'm just very aware that it's a very different kind of wonderful and we need to be prepared to say goodbye to this part of our lives for now at least when we decide to start trying.

OP posts:
SantaClaritaDiet · 30/08/2020 13:43

Around 10 years, enough to know that everything I didn't achieve would not be to "blame" on the children.

It was amazing to be able to spend selfishly, have a big wedding, travel, work interesting job without home commitment and basically have complete freedom and make the most of being young.

We are lucky that we only had the kids when we were ready (as ready as you can ever be...) and had our eyes opened on the financial and moral commitment they would involve.

I am trying to teach to my kids to have a life before they commit to a partner and have their kids. Even the new "freedom" you get when the kids are old enough to leave home is not the same, any decent parent still want to contribute and involved in their kids life.

Life with kids is just as good, and would be miserable NOW without them, but so different. I don't miss anything because I got it out of my system before, and I actually find family holidays with kids - from baby age - a lot of fun and the best time of our year.

Freetodowhatiwant · 30/08/2020 13:45

Over 20! Moved out of home age 16, although I was and still am very close to my parents so no issues at home, then didn’t have my first child until I was 37. DH and i were together for 13 years before having kids and we had an amazing time travelling and lots of feel good stuff - festivals, eating out, parties, weekends away, long haul travelling... it was great. That said we have just separated after 20 years but we did have a lovely time and I’m hoping we can be close friends .

Igotthemheavyboobs · 30/08/2020 13:48

12 years, 10 of them with my partner and father of dc.

Brabarella · 30/08/2020 13:50

2 years I suppose . I was 20 when I got pregnant and had done 2 seasons working abroad and lots of going out and being wild so I don’t feel like I missed out on anything

Tunnocks34 · 30/08/2020 13:50
  1. Accidentally pregnant at 23.
ghostyslovesheets · 30/08/2020 13:56

lots - left home at 18, lived in London for a bit, moved abroad - worked in some interesting places, went to Uni at 23 - got my first proper job at 26 , got my first house at 28, - met my (now ex) DH at 30 - had DD1 at 32.

Loved my 20's - fun filled 90's - lots of dancing all night, illegal substances, sex and adventure - felt like I lived a lot before becoming a fully fledged adult

tabulahrasa · 30/08/2020 13:57

I was 17 when I had my first... so um, no years as an adult first, lol

I’ve advised my kids fairly heavily against it, but, also... I don’t feel I missed out on anything tbh, I quite like my life.

It’s just not been in the conventional order, and now I’m only 41 and my kids are adults...

IndieTara · 30/08/2020 13:58

23 years ish. Had DD at 42

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 30/08/2020 18:59

When are we counting from? I had my whole 20s gave birth at 29. But honestly my “great” years started when I had kids. Yes I had fun, yes I was selfish, yes I traveled ect ect but for me the true fun is now. I still go out, I still have a career I still have me time but the time with my kids is just (mostly) amazing.

Antipodeancousin · 30/08/2020 23:07

I wasted a lot of my pre-children years trying to find and finish a sensible degree. I wish I had had better careers advice or just delayed uni for a year or two after school because it spoiled the years I should have been enjoying my freedom. Uni was a means to an end and although I did end up with some great friends I didn’t have an amazing experience there.
Once I was finally qualified and working at 26 we were saving for a house and then sinking most of our disposable income into renovating it.
I really wanted a baby at 20/21 and I think it would have been an easier transition than at 29. I was less used to doing my own thing and had more energy!

Gillian1980 · 30/08/2020 23:12

18-23 were pretty crap years.
23-31 single and enjoying life - travelling, festivals, mature student, wild nights out etc.
31-35 with DH and enjoying life as a couple - much more settled than my 20s but enjoyed holidays, financially good, on housing ladder etc.

Dd arrived when I was 35.
I was ready by then - I’d lived a lot, had lots of fun, felt ready to settle down.
We still have fun with our kids and enjoy life but it’s not spontaneous anymore and everything is focussed on them now instead of just us.

mindutopia · 30/08/2020 23:21

A whole decade or so. Had dc1 at 32 and my 20s into early 30s were absolutely decadent. I partied. I travelled. I lived in several amazing places all around the world. Met dh and we had some fantastic times together. Absolutely no regrets as I really had a blast and it was well worth it to wait to have dc.

nokidshere · 30/08/2020 23:28

I was free and single and living the life from 17-22. Then I met DH and started ttc but it was 15yrs later that I finally got pregnant. Amongst the stress of trying it was a fab 15yrs really and didn't feel so bad that we slowed down after hav8ng the boys.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 30/08/2020 23:28

None really, in the sense you mean. I got married at 27 and had dd at 29 so not young young, but exh and I had been students, then training “on the job” and working our way up in a difficult industry, so never really had any money.

With hindsight, it would have been wise to have waited longer, got into a place where we had more money and spent a little bit of time enjoying it, but obviously I wouldn’t change dd for anything!

TheVanguardSix · 30/08/2020 23:31

10 years. The broodiness was incredible! It just came out of the blue when I was 28 and whooped my ass! Grin
I had DC1 at 29.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 30/08/2020 23:34

Well I'm 53, so ...... 35 years. And counting Smile

DramaAlpaca · 30/08/2020 23:34

About 7 years, from starting my first proper adult job at 22 to having DS at 29. I met DH at 23 and we had lots of fun until the urge to have a baby suddenly hit me. I'd always wanted to have a child before I was 30, and ended up having three in under 4 years. No regrets.

Piixxiiee · 30/08/2020 23:40

Didnt have dc until mid 30s. Left uni, travelled had the time of my life. Got a career. Met dh and we had 6 years before children. It just felt right.
For us it's perfect. We both travelled and lived in different countries separately and together , so glad we did before dc.

Guineapigbridge · 30/08/2020 23:46

18 - 30, so 12. All of them were great! No regrets.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 30/08/2020 23:46

18 to 36. University to getting pregnant. Dh and I met at 22, we travelled a lot and did fun stuff just the two of us until he got broody. I'm now 43 with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I wouldn't change anything.

GrimSisters · 31/08/2020 00:09

I was 27 when I had my first but did manage to spend a good few years between 18-24 living alone and having a lot of fun. Had a reasonably carefree time abroad with my ex for a couple of years too, although I wasted my most attractive years with him!
DH and I (well, mostly me tbh) lament that we've never had any carefree child free years together at all, as dc#1 (mine) was 2 when we got together. We knew each other back in our younger days and let's just say we wouldn't have been so good for each other back then, though we had some great times in our group of friends.
He and his ex wife were so skint that they never did an awful lot either but he spent the house equity on travelling and motorbike after they split.
I'm quite envious of a lovely couple we know who had their three kids by the time she was 24. They'll have loads of fun together by the time they're in their 40s! Other friends of ours, in their late 40s/50s are just starting to have some great weekends away and being able to leave their teens home alone. We're a long way off that but are enjoying planning.

seayork2020 · 31/08/2020 00:12

I went travelling a few times from the time I was 21 to when DS was born when I was 32, moved countries.

I am not the most exciting of people so was never into partying/nightclubs doing anything much really just working and travelling and going with friends or my husband when we met when I was 23 and him 21.

Quarterback11 · 31/08/2020 00:18

7 and then 1 year ttc.

In the 7 years: uni, travel, work, married, holidays...

tabernacles · 31/08/2020 00:25

None. I had a difficult time during and after university (in two long-term abusive relationships), and am eminently unemployable due to being autistic, so I didn't enjoy/have control over any of that time before I gave birth at 27.

I will have to wait till she leaves home to have that with my new partner (assuming we have any money by then to do anything other than go for walks!

cbt944 · 31/08/2020 00:54

Well, they're not compulsory. You could just have a 'great' life, surely.