Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How many 'great' child free years did you get before becoming a parent?

156 replies

CheesyGhost · 30/08/2020 07:03

I mean the years where you were thoroughly enjoying adult life, doing whatever you wanted (obviously within reason) with very few responsibilities. Be that travelling, having a great social life, being a cosy hermit with Netflix, focusing 100% on your career; whatever total freedom meant for you; how many years did you have before becoming parent. And what made you feel you were ready to give up those freedoms to have children?
I didn't like my university experience sadly and saw it as an extension of something to endure like school to reach a better side and it did work, but it means I count these 'great' years from after finishing university.

DH and I do want children but are enjoying life right now and want to feel we've made the most of it before we start our family. I'm not saying that having a family is not wonderful in itself; clearly it is and we do want that, I'm just very aware that it's a very different kind of wonderful and we need to be prepared to say goodbye to this part of our lives for now at least when we decide to start trying.

OP posts:
HelloRose · 30/08/2020 08:46

6years. 6 wonderful years!
I suppose we had to get on with having kids because I was approaching 35.
We love our ds more than anything, but the child free years were great. Everything was so much easier. We still try and do things we enjoyed doing before - like eating out etc - but it's not quite as relaxing when trying to control the meltdowns!

MaskingForIt · 30/08/2020 08:46

About 20! First child due just after I turn 40 and am very ready for it, probably been ready for about 4 years, but conceiving took a while.

I feel sorry for women who don’t get to experience independent adult life or go straight for being a child/dependent to being a parent (and usually still dependent), but everyone different and I guess it works for them.

Megan2018 · 30/08/2020 08:47

Loads, as had DD at 41 and DH was 46.

The years before DD were great but it’s still great now-a bit different but not massively so.

I didn’t ever feel ready though but as I turned 40 it was now or never.

Ginger1982 · 30/08/2020 08:50

Had DS at 34 so I suppose 16 if you count from age 18? But most of that was spent building my career and worrying if I would ever meet someone! I didn't do half the things I should have. As soon as DH and I got married we started trying for kids and we had infertility and IVF so those years were spent worrying too! I want to encourage DS to live more than I feel I did.

whirlwindwallaby · 30/08/2020 08:51

I was pregnant at 21, barely recovered from anorexia in my teenage years, my best adult years were after I had a child.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 30/08/2020 08:57

Married at 26 and decided we wanted to try for a family after a year. We'd had four years of fun and holidays together before that. Turned out we were infertile and it was 10 years before we adopted our first DC so we spent those years having more lovely holidays in between the misery of failed IVF cycles.

BikeRunSki · 30/08/2020 09:01

When does adulting start?
Mom going with 15 years, from graduating to DS being born.

firstimemamma · 30/08/2020 09:01

Age 24-27.

I'd always longed to be a mum! Had personal difficulties from childhood to age 23. 24 was brilliant - very independent and happy. 25 - met my fiancé and we had a couple of great years together before TTC and getting pregnant straight away. I'm 30 now and loving life with my toddler!

PrinnyPree · 30/08/2020 09:04

17, just had my first (and possibly only) at 37, (been with my husband since we were 20) loved uni had some great holidays, developed our careers and paid off our modest mortgage in full. Feel in a really positive place to start this new chapter, we're comfortable enough to live off one salary for a while and I'm hoping to start a new business when baby is old enough. Each to their own though I say, I have friends who have adult children now and are enjoying their child free time when I'm just starting changing nappies. :)

Asuitablecat · 30/08/2020 09:05

We were together 6 years before dc. I. Wish we'd spent more money on travelling, but we bought a house at the peak boom and were also.conscious that we needed money reserves when we had dc. Our social life wasn't as good as it could have been though. Mainly due to friends in lt relationships who didn't really want to.do anything. Think.we went to quite a few weddings.

There were a couple of crap years when dc were little, but we've made a great group of friends and got to know our neighbours better thanks to dc. I would say that life now, with pre teens, is better than before. We're out more, I go on.holidays with my mates and I feel part of a community.

Fairymaryprincess · 30/08/2020 09:05

We met at 20 and were pregnant 5 years later with our first, so we had 5 years together before responsibilities kicked in, between 18-20 I thought I was having a good time but thinking back a lot of it wasn't fun, idiot boyfriend who cheated, had no money except for cigs and drugs etc so was glad to leave that behind really, but even though me and now husband had 5 years, we didn't really do the travelling I would have now wished we had and didn't progress either of our careers which I definitely wish we had as now feel a bit stuck and don't know what we would like to do but we have lots of plans for our 40s so we will kind of do things in reverse I guess!

VampireBill · 30/08/2020 09:10

Around 13-15 yrs. Did gap year, uni, good job & money, bought a flat and then a house, got a bit ill age 31 which slowed things down a bit, kids at 33 (although did't feel 'old' enough to be doing it).

hopsalong · 30/08/2020 09:12
  1. Happiest years of my life. As soon as I had DC1 (whom I love to pieces and had very much wanted), this feeling of, oh, I see, that wasn't being an adult... this is...

Enjoy.

Sunny345H · 30/08/2020 09:13

6 years of travelling, working abroad, partying, socialising. Having kids was always a priority for me and I always felt like a child was missing from my life. I decided to settle down once it became apparent that if I contunued the lifestyle that I had I would just be repeating the same things that I'd already done rather than having new experiences. I was 26 when I got pregnant and I was more than ready to trade another night in the pub/on a night train/ applying for jobs for the new experience of being a mother. Now I have my son I wish I had become mother sooner.

Crystal87 · 30/08/2020 09:17

I had my first at 20 but I wanted a baby and I feel like I still did a lot of the things I wanted to do, I had a job, nights out etc, but that seemed to stop when I had my second at 26. I didn't care much though because being a sahm was what I wanted to be doing. I'd outgrown everything else. Now as a mum of 4 I feel I have possibly missed out on having a career, but I'm still glad I prioritised children and I'm content with what I have.

Twirlytwoo · 30/08/2020 09:18

I was 34 when I had my child so plenty of time to do what I wanted. I was ready for kids and felt ready for the next chapter in my life.

lovelilies · 30/08/2020 09:18

I had 6 years of fun before having eldest at 24

Happyspud · 30/08/2020 09:22

10 brilliant years. I did a lot of wonderful and unusual things while working and playing hard.

riotlady · 30/08/2020 09:22

None, tbh. I had some good times at uni but also had a massive mental health breakdown and was very ill for a few years. Had DD aged 25 and things have been better since then.

HolyForkinShirt · 30/08/2020 09:23

Age 17-19 I went worked, lived abroad, enjoyed child free adult hood. Although I must admit, looking back I was pretty terrible at adulting.

Fell pregnant at 20. In that year I bought my own property, grew up very quickly !

stargirl1701 · 30/08/2020 09:26

I had my first DC at 36. I really enjoyed Uni so 18 years of enjoyable child free adulting.

I think I would've had more energy for children if I had had them younger but I never feel like I didn't get the chance to do anything.

BabyYoda · 30/08/2020 09:27

My entire twenties, it was glorious! Lived and worked abroad, found a job I love, met my husband and spent years pissing our money up the wall on amazing holidays then hit 30 and had kids. So glad I enjoyed that time because the last 3 years have been bloody hard with absolutely no time for myself! Finally feel like we’re starting to come out the other side now.

MaryShelley1818 · 30/08/2020 09:29

20yrs!! It was utterly amazing, full of travelling, partying and having fun (not everyone's cup of tea but I loved it).
I had DS 5mths before I turned 40, and am now 17wks pregnant with baby no.2 at 42. Having DS is the best, most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I absolutely adore being a mother and love him so much. I have completely embraced family life, early nights, CenterParcs and zoos, and wouldn't care if I never drank again.

Beautiful3 · 30/08/2020 09:41

7 years. We met when I was 18. Think it depends on your age when you first meet op. If we had met nearer 30, then we'd be trying after a year together.

MsMarple · 30/08/2020 09:45

If I could choose to have time back again, I wouldn’t repeat my high-earning, holiday-filled, wine-infused twenties. It was fun at the time, but the baby and toddler years at home with my kids were absolutely the best. Hard work, yes, but more rewarding. If anything I wished I’d had them earlier as I would have had more energy!