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Original poster

How many 'great' child free years did you get before becoming a parent?

156 replies

CheesyGhost · 30/08/2020 07:03

I mean the years where you were thoroughly enjoying adult life, doing whatever you wanted (obviously within reason) with very few responsibilities. Be that travelling, having a great social life, being a cosy hermit with Netflix, focusing 100% on your career; whatever total freedom meant for you; how many years did you have before becoming parent. And what made you feel you were ready to give up those freedoms to have children?
I didn't like my university experience sadly and saw it as an extension of something to endure like school to reach a better side and it did work, but it means I count these 'great' years from after finishing university.

DH and I do want children but are enjoying life right now and want to feel we've made the most of it before we start our family. I'm not saying that having a family is not wonderful in itself; clearly it is and we do want that, I'm just very aware that it's a very different kind of wonderful and we need to be prepared to say goodbye to this part of our lives for now at least when we decide to start trying.

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/08/2020 07:32

Eleven fabulous, frivolous years

middleager · 30/08/2020 07:32

I was 32. Really made the most of my teens and 20s and had a great life but felt pressure to have kids. I adore them, but as pp said I didn't realise what I had until it was gone.

Having kids has been so hard. They are 14 now but I am not the same and life is difficult.

Imicola · 30/08/2020 07:34

15 years, including 13 with DH. Lots of travels, including work related. Managed to build a good career. Mortgage free. Painted, played tennis, hiked, spent whole weekends doing gardening, unplanned trips to the pub. We miss it, and I'm so glad we had all that time, but now we have our new adventure together with DD!

wendz86 · 30/08/2020 07:34

About 2 1/2 years . I think it didn’t feel like I was giving up much because I didn’t have that long of it .

Deliqueen · 30/08/2020 07:35

We got together at uni and had our first child at 38 so 19 years of full on fun! We have travelled the world and experienced a LOT together. I think it means we are a very strong couple but also I dont feel I am missing anything at all as I have done so much already. Our children love to hear about our adventures. Having left it late we did have quite a few losses (7 pregnancies and 2 children) so that was hard but I wouldn't change a thing. I realise how lucky I am to have 2 healthy children every day.

ReallySpicyCurry · 30/08/2020 07:35

None! I had my first as a teen.

Honestly, it's been fine. Hard at times, but overall I've had, and am having, a nice life. Went to university, still managed to fit in a few wild parties, and was a homeowner before age 30. Haven't managed much travel unfortunately, but was getting to that point pre covid, so I have hopes for the next few years.

I'm the antithesis of the MN "career in twenties kids in thirties" model, and I'm not stupid, so I know I've missed out on certain things, but I've gained a lot too.

Honestly if it's taught me anything, it's the value of letting go of the choices you didn't make, and throwing yourself wholeheartedly into the life you do have, even if it wasn't what you had expected or planned

Suzi888 · 30/08/2020 07:37

Loads, and I enjoyed every single moment of it Met husband at age 34, first child not until 38.

uglyface · 30/08/2020 07:39

I met DP at 21, we had a great time until I was 30 when we realised exactly how infertile I am after finally seeing a private consultant. DD born when I was 32. DP is older than me, so in his 40s and had a lot of fun child free years!

Redcups64 · 30/08/2020 07:41

None at all.

Circumstance meant I had a mortgage at 18 so was covering the cost of that and I had my first child just turning 22 and then went on to have another at 28. Me and DH hope to have our best years at the start of 2030 when we will eventually get to live our lives a bit. We are doing it in reverse I guess.

What annoys me the most is we didint even make bad choices, circumstance forced our hands. Not bitter about it though, we’re lucky we was forced into the property market so young, means we have a ridiculous amount of equity and can afford a much bigger and better place to live, plus our mortgage payments are so low it’s almost ridiculous!!

RandomTree · 30/08/2020 07:42

13 years - went to uni aged 18 and had my first child at 31. I met DH when I was 22, so most of those years were spent with him. It was a great time - working hard, going out with friends, travelling etc. I love being a mum too though!

readytoretire · 30/08/2020 07:42

Like some others here had no gap as had first child at 21. Also had last child at 42 so can see from both ends. I did at times wish I'd had a bit more time to enjoy adult life before having a child. I was pregnant when I left uni (although I wouldn't change things for the world now). However, If you have your children when older you may be looking obviously at friends in their 40s whose children are grown up giving them their freedom back when you're still very much in the middle of bringing up yours.

BlusteryShowers · 30/08/2020 07:43

I don't think I had more than one or two that I feel were great in terms of everything coming together at once.

There were times when I had more disposable money, but no partner. Met my husband but didn't have much spare money. I sometimes wish I'd met my husband a couple of years earlier (both 25) so that we didn't feel the need to get serious about finances (house deposit, wedding) so soon, with a view to starting a family in our early 30s.

CountFosco · 30/08/2020 07:43

I had DD1 when I was 37 so about 19 years of freedom! Bliss.

readytoretire · 30/08/2020 07:43

Enviously not obviously- blinking spellchecker!

lazylinguist · 30/08/2020 07:44

I had an amazing time at university, follower by 12 years of fun social life, most of it as a single person in London, the last bit with then dp, now dh. Got married in 2003, had first dc two years later, age 34. I was more than ready to get married and become a parent, but never saw it as the end of my fun adult life.

RoseMartha · 30/08/2020 07:45

About ten but were ttc for eight of those.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/08/2020 07:45

I had DS at 22 but to be honest I wouldn't say the years before that were "fun." I left home at 17, I did not go to university and I worked shit jobs so I was broke. Travelling wasn't an option as I couldn't afford it, I lived in a shared house and the highlight of my week was going out on student night cos the local club sold paint stripper vodka and mixer for £1.

Having DS improved my life and gave me motivation to want more and live life to thr full. I might not have the "freedom" (if you can call it that) that I had before but my life is a million times better.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 30/08/2020 07:45

Had my 1st and only at 41 as only really got the desire to have DC in my late 30's. Had trouble conceiving.
Ultimately I didn't regret it one bit. I had loads of holidays and spontaneous w/e's away but the icing on the cake were a couple of 'once in a lifetime' holidays that you could never do with kids.
Friends had kids much earlier so were child free when I had mine. They now have lovely homes and are quite materialistic but lovely homes don't make lovely memories IMO.

icklekid · 30/08/2020 07:49

I think if your questioning it your not ready. Had my first at 28 because it was what I wanted. Dh would definitely have preferred to wait longer. But now they are both in school and I’m able to focus on my career again it feels right. We will get to travel and explore again and have more disposable income to do it with a nice house to come back to in the future...

TheSoapyFrog · 30/08/2020 07:50

10 years. I wasn't ready though. I never wanted children and was told that I had little chance of conceiving naturally.
I had a fling and got pregnant. Despite knowing I would be doing it alone, I felt like this was meant to be, so I continued with the pregnancy. Then found out I was carrying twins.
I'll be honest, I have really coped with the loss of freedom but have also found that a lot of things that I used to enjoy or found important don't matter to me anymore and I don't miss them.
I'm the only one out of my friendship group to have kids and i see them regularly go on holidays, weekends away, nights out etc and I don't feel envious anymore. I'm happier being with the kids.

UsernameNotValid · 30/08/2020 07:54

None really.

Met DH at 14, moved in together at 16, had #1 at just turned 19.

All completely normal in our area/family - we moved 200 miles when I was pregnant in the hopes of a better life for our kids.

Ginfordinner · 30/08/2020 07:54

DD was born when I was 41. Like a PP I found the adjustment from living life selfishly and spontaneously extremely difficult. But I didn't feel that I was missing out on things because I had already done them - house, travelling, career etc.

I was told that I was extremely unlikely to get pregnant and was ambivalent about having children anyway, so having DD was quite a shock to my quiet and ordered life.

KitKatastrophe · 30/08/2020 07:54

About 5 years - I had DD when i was 26. But conversely I'll only be 40 something when shes old enough to be left alone and has some independence, so I'll have plenty of years to travel and do what I want to do. It worked out will for my parents who are in their 50s, mortgage free and no dependents and doing what they like.

Elskerdeg · 30/08/2020 07:55

@Tobebythesea

Until I had my first DC at 32. Thing is, I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. Made the adjustment quite hard!
This. Absolutely this.
emelsie · 30/08/2020 07:57

None , I had my daughter at 18 , I think that helped in a way really( although obviously not in every way , financially etc.) , as compare to a lot of friends who had babies later and seemed to struggla lot , I breezed through without so much as the baby blues , I didn't mourn any life I had before instead it gave me a purpose.