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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disappointed about her name

145 replies

DorisDances · 29/08/2020 17:29

My DD got married and during the exchange of vows only the couple's first names were used. Now clearly I am keeping my beak right out and would never say anything IRL but I can't help feeling really disappointed that DD's first and middle names weren't used. I had always imagined that should she decide to get married, this would be the time both names would be used. Gosh, seems rather pretty writing it down but her names are very special to me. Perhaps it is just the modern way.

OP posts:

steff13 · 29/08/2020 19:09

Also, for what it's worth, quite a lot of women choose to drop their middle name altogether when they get married, especially in the US. So: Ann Beth Cartwright becomes Ann Cartwright Jones, or whatever. It's her name, she can do what she likes with it.

I'm in the US, and I don't know anyone who's done this. Why do you think it's "especially in the US?"

Benjispruce2 · 29/08/2020 19:18

I always thought it was a legal requirement to say the whole name. I was married in a church and the priest said our full names. I remember because DH cringed at his . It never occurred to us that we could ask them but to. I really think it’s a tiny detail OP and this was your DD’s day, not your day to announce the middle name you chose for her.

anxiousanna75 · 29/08/2020 19:19

If something makes you feel disappointed then it is not petty to you.
It clearly struck something for you and triggered an emotion.
That's absolutely fine. Not petty at all.
Those saying you are being petty probably have issues that you would consider petty. We are all different.
Your daughter getting married is a big deal for you. Emotions are bound to be running high. Don't feel bad for being human!

DopamineHits · 29/08/2020 19:24

I love how posters on these threads say the OP is over-reacting, and then commence on a long overblown exaggerated post. But over-reacting to a Mumsnet post doesn't seem to be an issue...

Original poster

DorisDances · 29/08/2020 19:26

Thank you - a lot of emotions flying around I guess! I am close to DD, hence wouldn't ever say anything, not even a 'casual' question asking if their choice or just what the Priest decided to do on the day. We did have a fantastic day and this isue won't ever take away from that.

OP posts:

SantaClaritaDiet · 29/08/2020 19:26

Gosh people are so bitchy on here - the irony of mocking someone whilst being so petty themselves must escape them

It is unusual to be bothered about it, I don't remember many people whose middle name was mentioned at the wedding, it's not that unusual.

Being disappointed because the name was important to YOU is not wrong, you don't chose your feelings, but well done to keeping it to yourself, it's done anyway.

At least your child didn't reject the names you had chosen and changed them entirely, that seems to happen to some

shadypines · 29/08/2020 19:28

For the sarky responses on repeat never a truer word spoken.

Understandable the OPs disappointed. Just because she's made a short post on MN doesn't mean she can't cope with it. Some of you have already imagined/decided this is ruining her whole life which therefore gives you the right to cut her down.

Wind yer necks in and lock up the playground.

BigBlondeBimbo · 29/08/2020 19:28

@DopamineHits

I love how posters on these threads say the OP is over-reacting, and then commence on a long overblown exaggerated post. But over-reacting to a Mumsnet post doesn't seem to be an issue...

😂😂😂

Oh my God yes! So often I think this. An op posts something perfectly politely and then a bunch of total weirdos lose their shit, ranting about what a dreadful person the op is. I always think, "oh and you're clearly a peach are you"? Happens so much on here. Hilarious.

butterpuffed · 29/08/2020 19:30

It isn't petty to the OP, it matters.

If she had written something along the lines of her DH forgot to make her breakfast before he went to work and should she LTB, then she'd get nicer replies as many MNers wouldn't see that as petty

OhCaptain · 29/08/2020 19:31

This is her second name you’re talking about though? So it’s not used often or ever really, is it?

Or is it a double-barrelled name and she only used the first part?

It wasn’t used on the day but it’s still her name. I just don’t understand how it’s a big deal. If it was that special why didn’t you give it as a first name?

I’m more surprised that you have people agreeing with you, tbh!

BigBlondeBimbo · 29/08/2020 19:36

Oh no, I don't agree with the op either btw. This really isn't worth worrying about! But, I wouldn't go off at her for saying it. She's allowed to say it, even if not everyone, or hardly anyone, would agree.

Casschops · 29/08/2020 19:36

I think you obviously have very little else to worry about.

84claire84 · 29/08/2020 19:39

Wow just wow.

Have you considered taking up a hobby to kill some spare time

MJMG2015 · 29/08/2020 19:41

I can understand why you were disappointed. It is a shame as it feels a bit of a slight, but maybe it was accidental and not an actual decision DD made.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/08/2020 19:41

I didn’t think you had an option to leave them out, my husband would have definitely left his dodgy middle name out given the choice!

badg3r · 29/08/2020 19:41

We just had first names, it was a set text. I'm the nicest possible way, this is a complete non issue... I'm half surprised that you noticed to be honest. Glad you had a good day.

Toothsil · 29/08/2020 19:43

I honestly can't remember whether our middle names were used or not but we have had 15 happy years of marriage (perhaps not for much longer if the mood he's in today doesn't improve 😂😂) so it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things!

londongirl12 · 29/08/2020 19:44

Out of interest, what is the middle name?

QuestionableMouse · 29/08/2020 19:46

I only get first and middle name if I'm in trouble with my mum 😂😂😂

SantaClaritaDiet · 29/08/2020 19:46

@84claire84

Wow just wow.

Have you considered taking up a hobby to kill some spare time

because being bitchy and bitter on social media is the best you can with yours?

GabsAlot · 29/08/2020 19:48

i hate my name and my middle name i didnt pick it i just cant be bothered to change it now

i think they ask what names you want read out and she clearly didnt want hers to

Paddingtonthebear · 29/08/2020 19:50

I haven’t even got a middle name 😆

Winecurestiredness · 29/08/2020 19:52

If/when my sons get married I dont think this would bother me. I would be too happy to care, really! Congratulations!

Shedpaint · 29/08/2020 19:54

My middle name is my mum’s name and o didn’t have that spoken out loud at my wedding
Never dawned on me she might have been upset. Can’t remember even discussing what would be used

I think it’s more modern to just say the first name, feels informal and less regal. I’m sure it’s just that OP

TheNavigator · 29/08/2020 19:59

My youngest DD has a middle name that is very unusual as well as unique and poignant for me. She hates it. I am sure she would drop it at her wedding, given the chance.

I just tell her to grateful it isn't her first name

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