To be disappointed about her name

[DorisDances]

My DD got married and during the exchange of vows only the couple's first names were used. Now clearly I am keeping my beak right out and would never say anything IRL but I can't help feeling really disappointed that DD's first and middle names weren't used. I had always imagined that should she decide to get married, this would be the time both names would be used. Gosh, seems rather pretty writing it down but her names are very special to me. Perhaps it is just the modern way.

Gosh I can't even remember what my son's wording was at his wedding. I was too busy grinning like a loon to the point that my eyes leaked. I do recall they chose two fabulous readings though.
And that the party afterwards totally ace.
Their wedding their way!

CofE used to insist on using all forenames. They made an exception when my uncle got married at the height of the furore over Lady Chatterley, seeing as his name was John Thomas and the vicar knew the whole audience would just laugh.

I know my parents hate the shortening of my name I use all the time, and had given me my name thinking it would be impossible to add a -y to it, but used my version for my wedding anyway. They did put our full names on the invitations.

I understand, the vicar forgot to read all my names and one of my names is afer a (at that time recently) departed relative. Although not massively important, it would have been nice

I get you, OP. It would have bothered me too if I wasn't aware of it happening beforehand.

@hardback yep winds my mum up a treat.

@DorisDances

DD's middle name was that of someone special to me. Don't worry, as I said in my post, I wouldn't dream of mentioning this to anyone. Thanks for the replies.

I understand, I would be sad if my DD didn’t use her middle name as it’s special to me 💐

My DD got married and during the exchange of vows only the couple's first names were used. Now clearly I am keeping my beak right out and would never say anything IRL

I'm more interested in what you might have done if you hadn't decided to 'keep your beak out' -- stand up in the middle of the ceremony and cry 'It's Annabella MARY! Annabella MARY!'? Write to the priest/registrar and formally complain about the absence of Mary from proceedings? Sit down with your daughter and her new husband as soon as they got back from honeymoon and say you have a serious disappointment about their wedding?

My DD has a middle name after a grandmother. ...I get you feel disappointed. .....a great deal of thought goes into choosing names for it to be seemingly dismissed as not important, but maybe it really didn't cross DD's mind.

@Griselda1

It's very unusual, I attend at least 20 weddings a year through my work and that's the first time I've known that to happen.

Same here.

I've verged for many weddings, and the full names are always used.

I think I would be little disappointed too, even though, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't important (though a century or so ago wedding would have been void if the full names hadn't been used).

I think it's such an emotional time you are probably feeling oversensitive - though as I say, I think I'd have felt the same way.

Why is it unreasonable for the OP to be upset? She's given valid reasons for her feelings.

Unreasonable would have been saying something to her DD. Which she didn't.

OP, I get it. When DC were baptised, the vicar, who was a close friend, used their nicknames! I was shocked. They weren't babies, they were pre-school age but I still expected their full names to be mentioned. It was absolutely fine and now I look back, I think it;s great that he was so close to them he instinctively used their nicknames, but at the time I was surprised.

It's an emotional day for you anyway, in all sorts of ways, when your child marries, and maybe this is just the thing you have focused on to express your anxiety. All will be well. x

When I got married we were the priests first wedding ceremony in this country. For some reason he just skipped our middle names, which we weren’t happy about as each of us had been named after family members who weren’t at the wedding due to illness.

Someone later pointed out to me that it was a legal requirement to Use names as on birth certificate for the legal declaration part (“I do solemnly declare” etc.) so I COULD say I’m not legally married but I’ve never checked and it’s been 30 years now so.....

I don’t get it, it’s not any less her name just because it wasn’t used in that instance?

I totally understand.
Plus, for what its worth, to offer you some support, I think a lot of people in real life might feel the same without ever feeling the need to tell their child or without it taking away their ability to celebrate the day with their child.
I would have been disappointed if the Vicar had not used our full names, as would our parents, as we both have middle names with special meanings to us and our families. Everyone is different in what they want of course but you are not alone in how you feel.
Congratulations on your daughter's wedding!

@JamieLeeCurtains

What a weird day on MN.

Isn’t it though? Everyone is looking to get upset and offended. It’s tiresome.

I don't think this would even register with me. I just couldn't see it as an issue at all.

We got married in a CofE church over 20 years ago and didn’t use middle names. The vicar asked what we wanted to be called and we said.He was quite a trendy vicar I think although he did balk at another couple on the prep day announcing they wanted to be “Jo and Steve”.

My poor parents - I didn’t use my middle name at my wedding and my brother hasn’t got married at all. I hope they don’t feel too heartbroken. Still - both their kids are healthy, in long term , seemingly happy, relationships, have provided them with adorable grandchildren and have decent careers that we like. They probably can cope without anyone knowing that our middle names are Louise and James!

@Quire

My DD got married and during the exchange of vows only the couple's first names were used. Now clearly I am keeping my beak right out and would never say anything IRL

I'm more interested in what you might have done if you hadn't decided to 'keep your beak out' -- stand up in the middle of the ceremony and cry 'It's Annabella MARY! Annabella MARY!'? Write to the priest/registrar and formally complain about the absence of Mary from proceedings? Sit down with your daughter and her new husband as soon as they got back from honeymoon and say you have a serious disappointment about their wedding?

I was wondering that, too! Surely there isn't really an alternative to keeping your beak out here?

DH goes by his middle name as his first name is a hideous strange family name that doesn't even register with most people. He's always kept it quiet out of embarrassment. Cue several sideways glances, bemused looks and stifled giggles during the ceremony.
I wish we'd just kept it simple.

My god, do not say anything to DD. It's ridiculous!!

I can understand the way you feel and suspect I would feel the same. Presumably she had a choice though?

@Nanny0gg

Why is it unreasonable for the OP to be upset? She's given valid reasons for her feelings.

Unreasonable would have been saying something to her DD. Which she didn't.

Agreed, on both counts.

Could be worse; when we got married, the minister said my middle name and not my first 🤭!

My surname got really badly mispronounced when I graduated too. I was over it immediately, and also the wedding one, but it does make a good story!

Her name. Her day.

This is probably the pettiest thing I've ever read on here, and that's saying something!